Constructive (or destructive ;-p criticism of my new song!

[brettbuc]

Hi all! This is a new song I laid down recently. It's not mixed well at this point. Vox are a quick one take to get the idea down, and will be totally resung. Can you give feedback on how it is so far, so I can change direction if needed? I've heard it too many times now and can't tell what's working and what's not.

Suggestions?

Thanks!!