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heyman109
New member
Tell me what you guys think of this song ill give you a verse and tell me if you want the rest.
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heyman109
New member
here
I thought I had it all,
but i was wrong,
I wish i could tell you, how I have felt now for so long.
I know that Ill never change
and youll stay the same here
I still cant understand
why we cant be nearer.
????
It sucks I knowb but im 12
I thought I had it all,
but i was wrong,
I wish i could tell you, how I have felt now for so long.
I know that Ill never change
and youll stay the same here
I still cant understand
why we cant be nearer.
????
It sucks I knowb but im 12
Garry Sharp
Lost Cause
It most certainly does not suck. I like it a lot.
It wouldn't suck from anybody and from a 12 year old, especially if you're male which I guess you are from your handle, it's very mature.
Don't expect comment, just from that snippet, but you'll get more encouragement - write some more, post it and you'll get some real help here.
Keep at it
Garry
It wouldn't suck from anybody and from a 12 year old, especially if you're male which I guess you are from your handle, it's very mature.
Don't expect comment, just from that snippet, but you'll get more encouragement - write some more, post it and you'll get some real help here.
Keep at it
Garry
H
heyman109
New member
THank you for your words of incouragement!
Thanks man!
Thanks man!
H
heyman109
New member
I got the rest done...
I thought I had it all,
but i was wrong,
I wish i could tell you, how I have felt now for so long.
I know that Ill never change
and youll stay the same here
I still cant understand
why we cant be nearer.
Tell me what you think of me
I wont let it go
why will you never see
the way my life goes?
Please
tell me
We held us back from each other
we ended up hating one and other
our friendship groing far away
There she goes again,
to walk away from her "best friend"
I thought shed like me but i was wrong.
Tell me what you think of me
I wont let it go
why will you never see
the way my life goes?
Please
tell me
Why did you have to walk away?
why couldnt you just stayed?
there she goes all again,
she said we would still be friends
I guess Ill sit here by myself.
there ya go!
IM not to good at it
im just 12.
But any comments would be appreciated!
I thought I had it all,
but i was wrong,
I wish i could tell you, how I have felt now for so long.
I know that Ill never change
and youll stay the same here
I still cant understand
why we cant be nearer.
Tell me what you think of me
I wont let it go
why will you never see
the way my life goes?
Please
tell me
We held us back from each other
we ended up hating one and other
our friendship groing far away
There she goes again,
to walk away from her "best friend"
I thought shed like me but i was wrong.
Tell me what you think of me
I wont let it go
why will you never see
the way my life goes?
Please
tell me
Why did you have to walk away?
why couldnt you just stayed?
there she goes all again,
she said we would still be friends
I guess Ill sit here by myself.
there ya go!
IM not to good at it
im just 12.
But any comments would be appreciated!
MessianicDreams
New member
hey heyman109,
i have to say, i like it...there's some nice feeling going on here, and i don't know about you other guys, but if you really are 12 (and i have no reason to think otherwise) well i reckon you've got some talent with words. just stick at it, and you'll find your lyrics getting better and better. there are a few things that i'd change on the lyrics:
it's hard to comment on someone else's lyrics when you can't place them in a musical context - is there any chance of you recording the song ?? i think you'll find that you get a lot more feedback!!
good luck,
MD
i have to say, i like it...there's some nice feeling going on here, and i don't know about you other guys, but if you really are 12 (and i have no reason to think otherwise) well i reckon you've got some talent with words. just stick at it, and you'll find your lyrics getting better and better. there are a few things that i'd change on the lyrics:
heyman109 said:
it's hard to comment on someone else's lyrics when you can't place them in a musical context - is there any chance of you recording the song ?? i think you'll find that you get a lot more feedback!!
good luck,
MD
H
heyman109
New member
!thanks!
yes, i really am 12 and I have a account that im working on at mp3.com. I have a band, but were for fun, im kinda a one man band, i play drums guitar and bass. thanks for the reply!
And if you could give me some advice about some web sites or whatever it would be greatly appreciated!
yes, i really am 12 and I have a account that im working on at mp3.com. I have a band, but were for fun, im kinda a one man band, i play drums guitar and bass. thanks for the reply!
And if you could give me some advice about some web sites or whatever it would be greatly appreciated!
H
heyman109
New member
sorry, i said that wrong, i have 2 bands, ones just kinda for fun, and i take my other one, which is just me, very seriously.
MessianicDreams
New member
Re: !thanks!
sorry, i might be being kinda stoopid here, but web sites for what exactly?? (if this is really obvious, you'll hafta excuse me - i'm up waay later than i should be - but i just can't seem to get the mix right on my latest song
aah the joys of being a HR'er *sigh* )
MD
heyman109 said:
sorry, i might be being kinda stoopid here, but web sites for what exactly?? (if this is really obvious, you'll hafta excuse me - i'm up waay later than i should be - but i just can't seem to get the mix right on my latest song
aah the joys of being a HR'er *sigh* )MD
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heyman109
New member
just some web sites that are like m3p.com
MessianicDreams
New member
H
heyman109
New member
thank you!
D
DonkeyZone
New member
I'm jealous. You're definitely wiser for your age than I was at 12.
I Thought I had it all,
but i was wrong,
I Wish I could tell you, how I've felt now for so long.
I know that I'll never change
and youll stay the same
I still cant understand
why we cant be nearer.
...It really depends on the music how it will sound, but omitting a couple of the "I's" can help tighten up the verse. As in the very first word, it's already assumed that you are the one thinking, so you can take it out if it helps make the song better:
I Thought I had it all,
Thought I had it all,
I Wish I could tell you,
Wish I could tell you,
..."nearer" could probably sound better if you change it to "closer", but again, it depends on the music.
why we cant be nearer.
why we cant be closer.
...So, you'd have:
Thought I had it all,
but i was wrong,
Wish I could tell you, how I've felt now for so long.
I know that I'll never change
and youll stay the same
I still cant understand
why we cant be closer.
...I think it makes the verse better, but it's your decision.
Also, you can post your music to www.iuma.com
and there are other lyric forums at: www.tabcrawler.com and www.musiciansfriend.com
Good luck. Keep on keepin' on.
I Thought I had it all,
but i was wrong,
I Wish I could tell you, how I've felt now for so long.
I know that I'll never change
and youll stay the same
I still cant understand
why we cant be nearer.
...It really depends on the music how it will sound, but omitting a couple of the "I's" can help tighten up the verse. As in the very first word, it's already assumed that you are the one thinking, so you can take it out if it helps make the song better:
I Thought I had it all,
Thought I had it all,
I Wish I could tell you,
Wish I could tell you,
..."nearer" could probably sound better if you change it to "closer", but again, it depends on the music.
why we cant be nearer.
why we cant be closer.
...So, you'd have:
Thought I had it all,
but i was wrong,
Wish I could tell you, how I've felt now for so long.
I know that I'll never change
and youll stay the same
I still cant understand
why we cant be closer.
...I think it makes the verse better, but it's your decision.
Also, you can post your music to www.iuma.com
and there are other lyric forums at: www.tabcrawler.com and www.musiciansfriend.com
Good luck. Keep on keepin' on.