umm
I'm gonna be honest, that sucked. But it sucked just like every producers first stab at a track!
look, keep workin at it, but put your work in perspective with other (professional) work. for starters, listen to the fullness of sound(number of instruments used for the melody as well as for the bass) the complexity of the hi-hat, and the basic drum line. I'm not saying that you should try to copy a certain style, but once you train your ear, then you'll be able to make better tracks. Try listening to an instrumental by a Producer you admire about 50 times (i'm not exaggerating) and picking out a diffrent instrument the first 10-15 times, (some are doubled up), diffrent uses of the closed and open hat, and diffrent drumline uses (breakdowns, bridges, loops). Having a good keyboard handy (motif, triton, or any korg for that matter) will help you identify sounds, and how diffrent sounds are mated with others to give a diffrent sound.
Now once you've listened to that ONE track, move on to others. you'll notice that you listen to beats totally diffrently. This will help you critique your own work. As for vocal recording there are five main things you need with hip hop vocals - Decent mic (sure SM57or 58) preamp (I use a boss 4 track mixer for it's preamp), and LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION. oh yeah and don't get all up on the mic 6-8'' away is ususally what I use. these two skills, beat-makin' and voice tracking(recording) are two seperate animals that will take many dedicated hours just to get "OK" at