Cheap Sennheiser headphones

Sell me the Deluxe ones, if you would. Tell me why I should buy them, because I think I want to but I need a reason! I'm sure I can guess but if you would just do a bit of a sales pitch I'll agree to be swayed into spending extra. Thank you!

BTW - If you're interested I did mainly look at your phones cos of the advert at you know where. So keep giving Slack that money!!
 
noisedude said:
Sell me the Deluxe ones, if you would. Tell me why I should buy them, because I think I want to but I need a reason! I'm sure I can guess but if you would just do a bit of a sales pitch I'll agree to be swayed into spending extra. Thank you!

BTW - If you're interested I did mainly look at your phones cos of the advert at you know where. So keep giving Slack that money!!
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Ok, here it comes:

Big Ass Sales Pitch For Cheap Ass Phones

The MoreMe Studio Deluxe phones are better because:

1. They have the word "Deluxe" in the name, so they must be better.

2. They cost more, so they must be better.

3. They have a padded headband instead of a plastic headband, so it's less fatiguing for musicians with soft heads.

3. They have a permanent 1/4" plug for use with "professional equipment" (instead of the cheezy little 1/8" to 1/4" adaptor on the Standard MoreMe phones, which is typically found on consumer "home stereo" type units).

4. They have the 1" thick Polyester batting added inside the cups to reduce midrange prominence. These custom ovals are hand-cut and installed right here at our giant headphone facility by beautiful 18 year old blond virgins. (And remember, we're in Texas, so I don't need to tell you how hard it is to find that kind of help locally.)

5. Every set of headphones must then go thru our rigorous and stringent 7 step Q.C. test procedure before shipping:

1. Plug it into the test receiver.
2. Set the switch to Stereo.
3. Listen to see if each side works.
4. Set switch to Mono.
5. Again, listen to see if each side works.
6. Set the switch back to Stereo.
7. Unplug the headphones from the receiver.

As you may well imagine, each of these 7 Q.C. steps is labor intensive and very demanding, so I have to provide my female employees with frequent rest breaks.

Part of the giant MoreMe manufacturing complex actually has a complete sleeping facility, which I encourage our female employees to use freely, however, this has created some difficult and strained employer/employee relationships, and as a result, I have been forced to increase my search for more 18 year old blond replacement virgins.

This search, while rewarding, is very time-consuming, so you can see the reasons for the increased cost of the Deluxe models.
 
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Oh yeah, the Deluxe are also supposed to go down a little lower and up a little higher than the Standard models (but I really don't believe it).
 
Even though I love Monty Python and Peter Sellers, I guess I haven't yet developed the knack of tuning my humor for the English palate. Noisedude has disappeared.:(
 
Actually, as I was reading that I did think it was very Monty Python before I found that's what you were going for!!

Bizarrely my housemate did yesteday buy the Holy Grail DVD and it's just as good now as ever, with loads of cool extras. Much like your Deluxe headphones.

Can we send Danshi (or maybe DJL) round to take pictures of your facility? I'm sure we'd all really rather have your pictures than those boring microphones being put together by people in clothes who aren't blonde 18-y/o virgins.
 
noisedude said:
Actually, as I was reading that I did think it was very Monty Python before I found that's what you were going for!!

Can we send Danshi (or maybe DJL) round to take pictures of your facility? I'm sure we'd all really rather have your pictures than those boring microphones being put together by people in clothes who aren't blonde 18-y/o virgins.
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Unfortunately, the United States Government has recently classified the MoreMe Headphones as potential "Weapons Of Mass Destruction", and now all employees and visitors must show the highest levels of Security Clearance to even enter our manufacturing facility. No cameras are permited.

This has been an unfortunate turn of events since I had a rather lucrative side business of selling photographs on-line of our 18 year old blond virgins enjoying other activities during their coffee breaks.

As a result of our reclassification, we are now longer permited to sell the uranium-enriched Deluxe headphones to third world countries. England is on the approved list of course, but all sales to England must be signed and approved by Tony Blair (whoever he is). It is not a difficult procedure luckily, since he appears to instantly approve all our decisions regarding our "WMD headphone" sales.

The installation of armed guards and bomb sniffing dogs has been a disruptive force in trying to meet our quotas, and the double strip searchs of our female employees (by the guards outside the facilities - and again by me as employees enter or leave the facilities) has really slowed production way down.

The government-added barbed wire fences surrounding our facilities have also created a demoralizing atmosphere around here. I tried to inject a lighter note by replacing all the "Keep Out" and "No Tresspassing" signs with signs that simply say, "Run Away!". The government did not find this amusing and made me take them down.

Still, I'll see what I can do to provide some photographs of the non-sensitive areas of our facilities.
 
Harvey Gerst said:
all sales to England must be signed and approved by Tony Blair (whoever he is).
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He works for one of your major oil merchants and cattle ranch owners. Don't worry, he's no threat to your business. He's more worried about doing enough of his own exporting that by the time he's gone to war with his customers to get the stuff back, he's still in the black.

Your sales pitch before was good, but now I know the Deluxe ones come with free uranium enhancements I'm really hooked.

I'm sorry to hear about your government-imposed working conditions. It must be difficult having to do all that strip-searching and having them all queuing around the building waiting for your attention at 5pm.

With utmost sincerity I hope this situation is resolved as soon as possible because re-motivating unhappy virgins must be extremely stressful for a man of your steadily advancing years. Should you need a younger assistant to aid you in these arduous times, don't hesitate to approach me with a financial proposition. In fact, given the situation, I may well be willing to perform these duties for no fee whatsoever. I know it's a weird way to run a business, but I trust the people here. Crazy English, huh? Go figure.
 
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