Burn Like Martyrs

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thestuckup

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Here are the lyrics to one I wrote this week. Any feedback is appreciated. I will post a terrible recording of it perhaps tomorrow. :) - what's funny is it starts out with another moment of watching tv like the lyrics in my last post.

Burn Like Martyrs

There's a halo 'round my T.V.
Guess the devil's in my home
I have been
Sittin' staring too long at the screen

Tonight the silence rises just like water
I'm buried below
Inside this body lies a skeleton of what I used to be

I want you
To know something's not quite right
About the faces on your wall
Do they look back at you
The same way that I do?
You don't have to be alone

Yes, I know where I came from
I have seen my face before
The lines read like a leaf from the devil's jest book
Come crumpled at your door

We've been standing here like sentinels with crooked stares between
But tonight we burn like martyrs for our love

I want you
You should know
There is something not quite right about
A world where you're alone

I want you
I think you know
There is something missing
In the pictures on your wall
Do they look back at you
The same way that I do?
You don't have to be alone

Adam Bradshaw c.2009
 
I need more music!

(Or maybe just more cowbell:D:D:D:D) The meter is hard for me to grasp when simply reading it. This will be interesting to hear set to music. If you can sing the lines without them seeming rushed or crowded then this is going to be a nice one. Many catchy bits here with great imagery in several phrases. I liked "the faces on the wall" as a way to describe her hanging pictures. I don't think that you need to explain it to the listener at the end by saying "pictures". If they are such dolts that they don't get the first image I would guess that this song will be lost on them. Don't get me wrong.......I LIKE these lyrics. Phrases like "sentinels with crooked stares" etc. makes me think about what you are trying to say here in a good way. Nice job.
 
I think you have an awesome set of lyrics here! Your choice of words and imagery is excellent, and these phrases have the richness of a grand red wine.

"Silence rises like water", "like sentinels with crooked stares", "we burn like martyrs" . . . these and others are great, and demonstrate how to develop a story line without having to resort to the conventional.

My only itching flea in this set is just the one word "jest", and I was thinking that plain old "joke" would have worked better. Though both "jest" and "joke" have dual roles as verbs and nouns, I think "joke" sits better as a noun than "jest".

Though the words themselves flow very nicely for me, I am curious to see how they will sit in a song.
 
Wow!

Now I understand how the lyric meter sits within the musical framework. Your use of sung couplets adds great emphasis to the wonderful images that you already have. I really like this one Adam. I hope that you will find the time to record it outright. Nice work.
 
Thanks

Thanks for the kind words. I do plan on recording with bass, drums, and maybe something else in the arrangement as well but this one is behind a few others at the moment.

Yeah, I like "Your Old Life" as well. My brother actually wrote that one a bit ago. My favorite part of that one is the harmonies towards the end which were a complete afterthought that turned out pretty well.
 
Yeah, a really nice descriptive set of lyrics. Creates a really visual image for the listener. I especially like th line : "Inside this body lies a skeleton of what I used to be"

Good Job - I look forward to hearing a finished copy of the song!
 
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