Bribe

[Refreshe]

I wonder where my hundred dollars went.

I think I spent,

Money on a pretty girl trying to be the perfect gent.

But I probably spent my money on a whore.

Or one or two or three or four.

And two fucks are what I don't give anymore.

I guess that what I mean is I don't care.

Mike just sits and hits his snare.

Am I fucking rude or should I be less debonair.

So I'd like to take some time to say to you.

Do what you want to do.

And if it's cool you'll never live in destitute.

Give me a good reason why things went wrong.

It's never too late to go on

But there’s no return when turning back is twice as long.

 

[Refreshe]

No one likes my songs

 

[boingoman]

No one likes my songs

This one's kinda short Needs more than one line. What's it called?

Just kidding. It seems like your lyrics are kinda supposed to be set to a beat, that's what I hear, anyway. Try in the hip-hop forum, too.
I could give you some constructive advice like....

Either you have it or you don't. It sounds like you just don't
or "you need more substance"

Sound familiar ?

But I won't. I checked out both your songs. Your lyrics actually have some depth, and show some introspection and that you are actually alive. Your world view and view of other people is a bit immature, but I suspect you are kind of young. The best parts are when you talk about you, in my opinion. Wondering how you should act, how you feel, how you should be in the world.

Songwriting takes practice and work, and inspiration. If you have the confidence to put words to paper and post 'em here you've taken a big step. It's a process. There are some great tips and techniques in here. One of the ones I saw was take each line of a song and write another song based on just that line. You'll end up places you never thought you'd go. Like you could write a song about how no one likes your songs. (no, I'm not saying noone likes your songs).

BTW so you feel better, if you look at this forum, the threads with all the views are the ones about technique and ways to bring your songs out.
Oh, yeah, and the ones where they fight about things, like God and protest songs.

Be supportive of others, so others will support you.

 

[Richard Monroe]

Yo Refreshe- You could possibly live in destitution, but you can't live in destitute any more than you can live in prostitute.-Richie

 

[andyhix]

Could you be "livin' destitute?" or would that be "destitutely"...I think we should have a dedicated grammar forum.

Almost forget to ante up my $ .02 - I think the first few lines have sorta some promise. bordering on clever. once mike is hitting his snare, it sounds silly and just a grasp at ryhmes that have no context or point.

 

[Refreshe]

I suspect you are kind of young.

how young is young?

It's definitely not a rap song. Thanks for pointing out the incorrect use of destitute in my song. Generally if microsoft word doesn't catch it than I don't.
Also, my friend mike who plays the drums hates that line about him hitting the snare. I guess I should consider some revision. What if I changed one part to this,

I guess that what I mean is I don't care

That's just something I want to share.

Am I rude or should I be less debonair?

....I guess everything else after that will need some serious revisions.

 

[boingoman]

how young is young?

Any younger than me .

I'd bet you are under 25.

 

[Refreshe]

You wouldn't lose any money.