bad singer

[Nick_Black]

I wrote these lyrics just now, it might just be that I'm tired, but, I like the story.. I just don't like the way I worded it. it's suppose to be about this kid who writes "the best song in the world" but since he's such a bad singer it gets passed off as garbage..
here :

his name was some one you don't know, don't care.
he sat up all night working hard
words on paper song in mind.
taking experiences of his life.
like the time he got picked on.
like the time he got scared.
happy memories holing hands.
happy memories when you were there.
all this and more he wrote down
and let his soul make the sounds
his masterpiece in his hands
he showed it to his band
they played it loud, the played it proud.
they played it all night and before a croud.
until the end, they were friends. the stopped and heard.
silence
a chuckle, and a laugh.
like his life before him.
he had the heart, the soul, the rhythm.
but no way to sing it..

I'll record a copy tomorrow, I got a guitar rhythm layed out for it 2.. but 2 tired 2 record it at the moment..

any suggestions on re-wording, or any other comments?

 

[gecko zzed]

his name was some one you don't know, don't care.
he sat up all night working hard
words on paper song in mind.
taking experiences of his life.
like the time he got picked on.
like the time he got scared.
happy memories holing hands.
happy memories when you were there.
all this and more he wrote down
and let his soul make the sounds
his masterpiece in his hands
he showed it to his band
they played it loud, the played it proud.
they played it all night and before a croud.
until the end, they were friends. the stopped and heard.
silence
a chuckle, and a laugh.
like his life before him.
he had the heart, the soul, the rhythm.
but no way to sing it..

It's a great concept, and I would be interested in hearing how it turns out. At the moment, some of the lyrics sound a bit corny (e.g. "happy memories holding hands"), but they may work within the context of the music.

My only real difficulty is towards the end, where I understand that there is a gig somewhere, the band is playing the song, he starts singing it, and something happens . . . maybe the people there make fun of his inability to sing, or whatever. If that is how I should interpret the lyrics, then it is sitting on the very dege of credibility . . . I can imagine him showing the song to the band, them being impressed and giving it a try . . . but as soon as he started to sing they would have realised that he was awful. I can imagine that they would do a gig like that without having rehearsed the material.

For me, that part of the song needs to be strengthened somehow. I'm not quite sure what the answer is, or perhaps I've not understood it properly.