Any opinion on these lyrics?

  • Thread starter Thread starter 32-20-Blues
  • Start date Start date
3

32-20-Blues

New member
Hey, any ideas would be cool.

I will live on the docks with a red-headed whore,
The porch-light broken in just above the hall door,
And I will lie awake waiting for her trembling shout,
As at last she rolls in when the pubs empty out.

I will soothe her wild breast with my old fashioned songs,
Until she feels at ease, without injustice or wrongs,
As at the back of my yard, the sound comes to me
Of the lapsing, unsoilable, whispering sea.
 
That I like! I was thinking "wild beast" and had to re-read it,but over all I like it. I like that it starts on the docks and ends in the whispering sea. Good stuff!
 
Ooook. This is an odd one. Replace the "whore" and "breast" stuff with something more in line with the folky imagery you have otherwise written and this could be a start to a really nice lyric.

The shout/out reads pretty forced.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top