Any criticism on my structure?

It's not easy to offer on point critique in respect of structure for a couple pf reasons, but I'll give it a go. The first third or so became a laborious towards the end of that section, possibly because I wasn't getting all of the lyrics due to the treatment you've given them to try and get them to sit in the mix. Personally I'd have liked that section to have shown more signs of heading towards a transition with a gradual building of tension towards the latter part where it picks up. The dialect is not an issue for me, but I need the diction to be more transparent. It is kind of endearing in a melodic sense and certainly worth getting right. I'll reserve my thoughts in respect of additional aspects in light of your very clearly asking for comments around structure.

Regards

Tim
 
Phrasemaker said:
It's not easy to offer on point critique in respect of structure for a couple pf reasons, but I'll give it a go. The first third or so became a laborious towards the end of that section, possibly because I wasn't getting all of the lyrics due to the treatment you've given them to try and get them to sit in the mix. Personally I'd have liked that section to have shown more signs of heading towards a transition with a gradual building of tension towards the latter part where it picks up. The dialect is not an issue for me, but I need the diction to be more transparent. It is kind of endearing in a melodic sense and certainly worth getting right. I'll reserve my thoughts in respect of additional aspects in light of your very clearly asking for comments around structure.

Regards

Tim
Click to expand...

A lot of fancy words there lol

So you think people could see the structure of the song more clearly if I pronounced words better?
Anything is welcome dude
 
A lot of fancy words there lol

So you think people could see the structure of the song more clearly if I pronounced words better?
Anything is welcome dude
Click to expand...

Hardly the kind of response that's going to have people lining up to sacrifice their time which could be probably better spent listening or working on their own material. If you actually read my whole reply, I do explain the reason behind the comment. Using an intro, bridge, transitional parts ect to form a structure and what that structure is comprised of, will influence the validity of those component parts. Once again the dialect is not an issue for me but the vocal does not sit well, hence some parts of the structure are not particularly pleasant to endure which makes a definitive judgement on whether those parts are a useful inclusion in the track much less cut and dried. I did comment regarding the structure, take it or leave it dude.

Regards

Tim
 
RushPfeiffer said:
A lot of fancy words there lol

So you think people could see the structure of the song more clearly if I pronounced words better?
Anything is welcome dude
Click to expand...

Fancy is, as fancy does.

You had a opinion from another, that gave you his advice. Why would you question that, before listening to what he said?

Maybe that is what you need to question yourself?

Just sayin.....
 
I think you guys misunderstood me. I just didn't understand what he was trying to say.

But I read it through 3-4 times and I think I get it now and your time is much appreciated my friend.

I'll take your advice and see if I can improve that begining part and make it a little more of a gradual building song.
 
Me too.

Best of luck with your stuff man. We are only here to help. Why the hell else would we hang out here, if we didn't enjoy helping others?
 
I think it is a very well constructed folk song. Lyrically solid. Guitar playing is very good.

And I'm at a total loss as to why someone would take offense to your response.
 
Nooooo!! LOL I'm going to politely disagree about making the diction clearer; I actually like the words more slurred and not so clear-cut out there. I myself could make out about 99% of the words, so it was no problem to me. Generally people get caught on the melody and beat first; most folk don't care about the lyrics until later after they've become a fan. I personally would sacrifice technicality for emotion and sonic character, which I think your particular vocal styling would lose if you concern yourself with more proper enunciation. I think it's great, though, the differing opinions and feedback presented here, and no one opinion is better than the other; ultimately, as I always like to say to myself, and what I am now saying to you, is at the end of the day YOU are the artist and you must do what sounds right to YOU. Yayyyy to being the boss! haha
 
mmmm I don't think my original post is being read to the extent that what it actually says is being understood in respect of the vocal, I didn't indicate any dislike of the diction or any aspect of the vocal performance. I did find it could sit better in the mix and receive a better treatment to get the most out of it. If anyone can see in my original post where I said otherwise I'd be real interested in seeing where I actually criticise the vocal performance :-) it's the existing diction I want to hear better lol not a watering down of it. Language eh?

all the best

Tim
 
@ Phrasemaker: I wasn't responding to your post, but to the original poster's response to yours : "A lot of fancy words there lol

So you think people could see the structure of the song more clearly if I pronounced words better?"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top