an old one of mine for the reviewers

E

Erich Arndt

New member
i'm posting a new song at nowhereradio page called "Sick"
www.nowhereradio.com/sop

or this one might get you there more quicky...
http://www.nowhereradio.com/artists/album.php?aid=2199&alid=-1

this is one of my older songs as far as writing goes but one of my newest as far as production goes. i recorded all of the music over a period of a week or two and i struggled with the vocals for about a year until i came up with something that i thought at the time was pretty good. but now i'm very unsatisfied with the vocals.

musically, i consider this to be one of my masterpieces and i would keep it if it weren't for the vocals and the fact that i think this song needs to be a little bit more organic sounding... one of my trademarks over the years has been a mildly electronic sound (accidental at first, but gradually i grew attached to it)

the song will come off as kind of funny at first and that's okay, but this is actually one of my most honest songs and i really did try to communicate what i was feeling at the time... i guess i'm kind of a goof-ball in life, so when i express my inner-most feelings, it comes across as a one-liner..

well, either way, give it a listen... remember i'm re-doing the whole thing so i'd like to hear the things that you think should stay, the things that should go, the things that should just be changed a little bit.. and whether or not i should just drop this song among all the others and get a job in fast-food.

i had just begun uploading it when i posted this message, so it might not be there yet, for those of you who often respond within minutes of my posting...
 
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hmmm... well, since this is my own song, i guess i will just make a list of what i think the good and pad points are... and maybe it will help to jumpstart a couple of other reviews

good things:

songwriting: lyrics explore aspects of a breakup and the emotional effects of which that most other songs tend to not go into, giving the song a refreshing, honest, and unique feel. cool clean guitar riff, also lending to a unique personality for the song

production: very high contrast between the soft parts and hard parts. really great "orchestra" sound during the second verse and second half of the guitar solo (this is actually two sets of guitars playing a basic melody, one set on a slow-swell noise gate, and one set actually played backwards with a heavy warbley chorus applied to it)

perfomance: great secondary vocals during the chorus. good drum programming during the chorus: sounds like a real drummer
the first guitar solo was very heartfelt.. it gave me chills

bad things:

songwriting: some of the lines in the chorus are very sophomorish: "sick and tired of being all alone" might have gone overboard with some of the lyrics during the verses giving too much of a comedy feel "i'm still here playing with myself". song is too long in general, could possibly do without the freebird-style ending.

production: bass drums and bass guitar througout were both WAY to out-front.... this could be on one of those "bass attack" albums you see with labels warning that they may damage your speakers. could tone tone down on the cymbal panning also. clean guitar: you should use an acoustic guitar for this song, which will give it more the organic sound you're looking for. lead vocals were mushed up all over the place with reverb. hamonies during the verses and the chorus were too "in the background" and the verse harmonies during the verses had too much reverb also, with kind of made all of the vocals one big voice, when this song really asks for a realistic "this is really two guys just singing from the heart" sound.

performance: you can't sing and you should stop as soon as you possibly can. at least average guitar/bass playing.. acceptable. bad drum programming during the verses.. sounds like a drum machine. too many crashes in the chorus. if you're gonna have a freebird-style ending, you should not switch to some weird disco-beat, but go for a less complicated but more passionate straight rock beat.

but it's my song anyway, so none of that counts, but maybe it'll give some of you something to talk about.
 
Bad Things...that fucking filesize. No wonder you're the only one who has responded to this so far. I've been downloading since Monday. :D

You know...reading over your post, it's apparent to me that you have a pretty good handle on what works for you and what doesn't. I personally think the tune kinda' washes out in the chorus...the guitar tone just seems to get really abrasive and obnoxious (middy middy middy), and it sounds thin. Nice leads. The tune's too long for radio. That's about all I've got.

Oh, it didn't come across as a one-liner to me :D
 
chin up, d00d. As you can see (from the clinic main page) the'ain't many people here right now... they're all playing with their kids & their kids' PS2's :D

I'd listen now... but I'm transferring a Glen Yarbrough LP to CD for my maw... I'll hit you later on your song... Mary Chrismass :)


Chad
 
A promise is a promise :)


Sensing a dark, heavy power ballad w/some Gothic spice coming on... ah... nice... builds nicely w/sampled drums...

Are those drums Alesis? That hat sounds very fam-iliar.

You know... these lyrics are very, very literal... know-wut-I-mean? Kind of like Crash Test Dummies "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm". Those type of lyrics can work really well. Depends on how they come off to each listener. "Think I'm gonna throw up..." Sounds kinda cheeky as a harmony, no? ;)

Not at all a dis... this is very different, musical... and shows good musical chops. Sorta serious, but then it does show a bit of humor in the tone.

And there, at 3:50... a very Sigma9'ish solo to put the cherry on top. Good recording & arrangement. Well done.
 
I think you've got some good ideas going. ..and your singing isn't as bad as you make it out to be. I think when you listen back to this song a year from now, you'll see with fresh ears what the problems are.

the clean riffing gtr is borderline on a couple of out of tune notes, and the fuzz gtr is just that....really fuzzy...not a nice overdriven sound. Also, with the fuzz sections, the whole mix seems too hot and is distorting also. the volume balances are ok to me,..but the drums might be a little low... and I like the verb on the vocals. Not too crazy on the effected vocals just before the fuzz stuff.

the synth pad in the background, starting around 2:40 sounds "off" to me also...kinda like a carnival organ sound that is out of tune.

a bridge maybe?

nice solo...
 
okay, the main problem is with the chorus then.. too hot, overdriven.. i can definately see that (curse you ultramaximizer!)
here's a concept for some you to chew on for a while.. one of the very early four-track incarnations of this song went about the chorus in an entirely different way... it double timed and became a full tempo punk style thing for the chorus and then sort of stopped (running into a brick-wall) to drop back to the slower mellower verses. you see, i'm torn about which way to go next time around.

the song does come across as humorous in an off-center way and it seems like a fast chorus might be more appropriate for a song of this particular tone... but then at the same time, the song is actually very honest and serious... and part of me wants to make people take it more seriously, which i think is better reflected by the slower, yet bigger, chorus.

also, this is really my only "slow" song... and i hate to be one of those people that say things like, "every CD has to have a slow song because people need a song they can slow dance to" but everything i have is either fast and peppy or hard and crunchy.. and this is the closest thing i have to a song that some young couple might call "their" song and have some crappy band play it at their wedding.

the fast chorus would feel more natural to me (especially when singing to it: i feel like i have to sing like the guy in creed when it's slow) but the slow chorus makes it feel more like a "real" song...

any advice?

and thanks for the comments, guys... it means the world to me.
i've been looking for a place like this for years.
 
oh yeah, the drums are alesis... trusty old alsesis.. i think she's about to die though, but i've had her for over six years anyway... maybe it's time i start figuring out fruity loops.. a friend of mine has been trying to convince me to sample my drums for a while now..
 
This might be a B-Side song cuz it's long and kinda cheezy.I like the theme and the music is cool.The little kid sample is freaky...Like a melow Type-O tune,Make it a little heavier,like more guitar(I luv sayin that).Decent tune....
 
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