Amsterdam...

[RAMI]

I'll tell her you said that.

You don't have to, she knows. I'm not a hypocrite and she can take a joke. Besides, nobody respects a tattle-tale.

Good intro, but either halve its length, or the second set of 4 bars introduce some variation, like a bit of piano, otherwise wake the singer up 4 bars earlier and keep the intro short and sweet. Either way would work though.

Possibly, I know it goes 3 patterns and maybe should only go 2. I debated that but ended liking the longer intro. But since you bring it up, I'll consider shortening it again.

First guitar break, man: replace it with something more supportive of the established mood, just a little colour, not too melodic, to allow some reflection on what's been said. Next verse would feel stronger that way.

"Man"...I think the first guitar riff establishes the mood I want from it. But now we're talking personal opinion on something pretty specific. First time I ever hear someone suggest my guitar playing is "too melodic"...hehe.

An a-no-ma-ly....mmmm. Any other way you can phrase that? As it is, it like you're ad-libbing cheesily - I know you're not, but it sounds that way. Must be a better way to accommodate that lyric.

I agree that something isn't right there. I'm not even crazy about the word itself. Might just change that completely. I think it's something I put in without much thought when I needed a lyric and then got used to how it sounded after a few times.

"It's just the same old same old I’m so tired of being so tired, so..."
Mmmm...how about:
"It's just the same old being so tired of being so tired, so..."

OK...now you're nit picking. You got rid of 2 words, it's not that different. Come on. But I do appreciate you listening so closely.

Bang on, whoever's comment it was about the split guitars - needs something to fill the hole in the middle: try pads, organ, whatever you were sticking in your girlfriend's head, experiment.

I can bring the guitars closer in, no big deal there. But organ or strings or whatever is the last thing I want.
You're really obsessed with my comment about my ex-girlfriend, aren't you...Lonely??? You seem pretty angrey there, Robin...Everything alright? I'm sorry the song had that effect on you. Most people find it rather relaxing.

Guitars, guitars. Just seems a bit too much single line stuff, which dates an otherwise quite original song idea.

Yes, I like guitars, guitars. Again, personal preference. Having said that, I can probably arrange them much better. The clean guitars lack any real structure.

All very critical, but well-meant. There's a good song in there, but it needs pruning.

And I appreciate it. Thanx for taking the time.
Like I said in my first post, this song is not finished and I'm sure it will still go through some changes. Strangely enough, alot of people I've shown it to say it's one of their favorite songs of mine...Weird how that works sometimes.

 

[RAMI]

Made a few changes. Funny how some songs just write and record themselves pretty effortlessly. This one, probably because it's different from what I usually do, is taking more time find itself. But I have heard great comments from people here, which definitely helps.
AMSTERDAM TAKE 11,843

 

[Dogman]

Rami, FINALLY gettting a chance to listen to this. Very good vocals. man, they fit nicely. And your guitar playing is sweet. Really brings this tune to life....very cool vibe. Bass stands out nicely also. Very good tone. Nicely done my friend....Nice.
Ed

 

[RAMI]

Thanx Dog...Still not 100% finished, but getting there. I took alot of suggestions and tried them. Even the suggestions from one of the more arrogant and angry people in this thread made some sense. Some people just have a chip on their shoulder, it seems. But as long as the tune gets better, I'm open to suggestions. Thanx for the listen dude.

 

[SnakeDog5050]

Alright, soundclick finally caved in let me hear this today

Very nice man. You have the relaxation feel going good

Sounds like you brought up/changed the clean some. Sounds good. Hmmm, it was a few days back I heard the other version, but I think I liked the last mix's vocals on the 2:40 part a bit better, like they picked things up with the music a bit more. Just a thought since I can't compare.

Good stuff!