OK!
Nits:
The bass tone is whack. Not enough LF to undergird the quick changes...the tonality of the chords is lost...I had to listen carefully to the chorus changes several times to hear them accurately. The bass isn't 'there' to hold it together. Sounds like a Rick through an old Acoustic fridge amp, c1970's...
And with the quick, muted chords, you need a connected thread of tonality: a clear root in the bass [tone thing], step-wise inner voices...to make it work. There's a faux Hammond organ in the tune..that could do the work of maintaining a long-sounding , two-note descending or ascending step-wise harmonized line inside of , and between, the spaz funk guits in the chorus. Needs glue. A better bass tone might provide it by itself....or if the bass notes were held for full duration? [too?] My ears had a hard time making harmonic sense of the changes there the first four or five times I heard it...references are scarce...brain-scramble....weakness where there is the biggest need for clarity.
The word, "Salesman". Awkward to sing and pronounce. Akward to hear . A less important word could skate...but it's the hook word. Need more syllables in there. Like 'snake-oil-sonofa-gun'. And you'd need to change the title.
In the second verse, there's a barry-sax sounding synth line that goes L&R. That's the seed of a really good idea. Reminded me of Tower of Power. I think you might want to make it sit still, and build on it...a call and answer horn riff. One thing the tune could use more of is glue. Or a 'hammock' for the busy to lay in.
Good work. But sounds incomplete.
Aha! 'snake-oil-sellin'-man'
Oh yeah...the drum kit is just not cutting da funk. Try a reference to some of Dave Garabaldi's work and sound. High snare.....major muted poppage in the skins. Lots of 'ring'. Might be what can get the temp way up? This kit doesn't punctuate too well...low and inarticulate. IMHO
