Adult Contemporary Pop - Can this be improved?

Of course it CAN be improved. I doubt it's possible to create a "perfect" mix. :D

Of course, with a minimal mix like this, there's not a lot you can do to make it better or worse if you track it well, (which it sounds like you did.)

My only nit, is that there are a few lip smacks in the vocals. There's not enough going on to cover those up, so you'll probably want to go through and thoroughly excise them.
 
Wow!

Nice piano playing. Robust sound.

Love your voice.

This tune is really good, but the weakness is the phrasing of a lot of the lyric....it isn't 'lyrical', often, for example:

at 0:20, "the city"

at 0:46, "no talk"

at 1:15, "chimney"

at 1:18......

It's needing to be sung in a songier fashion.....dispensing with awkward phrasing....mostly accomplishable with extermination of unnecessary adverbs and adjectives. Other times by reversing syntax....or using more poetic expression.

A lot of times, lyric is too flowery; this one needs a little more flower.

The phrasing impacts the melody negatively.

The melody is panultimate...especially in a tune like this.

My suggestion is for you to 'lah lah' the melody until it's devine and memorable....then record the lah lah on a throwaway track.

Play it, listen...a little at a time... and craft phrases....say what you want to say, in a way that matches the melodic rythm...in other words, that mirror the meaning you have already written. That often gives rise to unusual, pleasing, unique verbal expression.

You have a ton of gift and talent. Maybe work on the poetry...sounds like the only weakness in your thing.

Other than that, AOK!

Read Shakespeare??

ps. Often an awkward phrase can become ane absolute hook.....but it has to be supported by a strong melody. Joni: "but not like we love our free ee ee dom"....Some quirk is good and interesting. Gotta be massively strong, though, to be effective.
 
I'd actually like to hear some reverb on roomier "sarah maclaughlin surfacing-esque" feel. I'm sure others may disagree, perhaps worth a roll though to see how it sounds.
 
I realize now the poster isn't the performer or writer, necessarily...

So, to whomever it may concern, see my above post.
 
Thanks guys. Good feedback here. Thanks for the lyrical help too. She is my partner. I will address these things.

Alex
 
Alex,
Hello from the other side of the Tasman.
There's a little de-essing needed.
I don't mind the phrasing - reminds me of some early Randy Newman. I don't disagree with Jeff - and he's basically giving you a producer's input on such things.
I'm listening with headphones and the stereo image of the piano seems a little uneven - a little more happening on one side than the other. Now, if the image is split as per the sensation of sitting a t the keyboard that makes infinite sense but if it's not it'll nee dtweaking.
Good piece.
 
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