Action Star -- Re-worked vocals ...

boydrj

boydrj

New member
Hello again, everyone,

Well, I have taken all the advice that I got from the board and tried re-working the vocals to this. I have also added a new vocal passage to the ending chorus.

Is this one ready yet? What can I do to improve?

"Action Star"

http://www.nowhereradio.com/theinside/singles

Thanks for listening!
 
I like this tune a lot, and the subject matter is excellent..

There's things that can be improved on with the sound, but I don't know how to tell you what it is.. It sounds good for the most part, but some of the vocals that are doubled sound a bit strange to me.. Like the falsetto stuff.. I like those low backround vocals, I would bring those up.. The whole 'you were really there' chorus's sound a bit off to me.. there's something strange about the sound.. Maybe one of the smarter people of the forum can explain the frequencies that are disagreeing to me.. or maybe it's just me..

either way, the tune is cool and it sounds good for the most part, but I think it could be even further improved on mix wise..



late
sam
 
the vocals just need to come up, imo....that's what [deaf-eared]Samicide was trying to say....ha!! The intonation is a little out there, too. cool music.
 
I dig the super 8 projector sound at the beginning and end, hadn't noticed it before.
I think the background vocals ("you were really there") might be up a little to much in the mix...maybe set them back with some reverb, and/or lower their levels a bit? If mixmkr can't put his finger on it, it's sure way out of my league.
Very well-written, strong subject matter, and sounds like the mix has improved quite a bit.
Very nice!

Mark

edit: Well, as you can see, I transposed Sam's post and mixmkr's post...anyway, ignore me and listen to these guys. :D
 
I didn't post previously, but I listened and liked it a lot.

This is a definite improvement on the first mix.

I'd bring the main vocals up a wee bit, and turn down the "You were really there" and "La la la" backing vocals slightly.

I really like this though - a previous poster mentioned Kate Bush and the Beatles, which is spot on. I can also hear Pink Floyd. But it's very original, and sounds more like itself than anything else ;)

Good stuff.

Alastair
 
deffinitely kick up the vocals, they need to be much more up front....the verse drum beat is pretty cool, reminds me of some '3 doors down' song that used to be on the radio, the drum beat, not the whole song.....sounds good
 
Thanks!

Thanks for all the feedback!

Sam -- I have to agree with you. Man, some of those notes are just out of my range and I mixed it kind of low to cover it up ... I actually think I'm going to take a stab at it with another vocalist ... my son who sings pretty good. If he can hit those high notes better than me, than I think it will improve the whole sound. Thanks for listening!

Mix -- Thanks man! I agree with you about the intonation. I have such a limited range, and I really wrote this one to have a big sound. I'm going to keep fiddling with it until I get it right. Thanks for your feedback.

mkg -- Ha, your the first to get the projector sound! I kind of raised it up in the mix for this one and added it at the end as well. Thanks for giving this a second listen.

ali -- Thanks for your listen. I think this mix is better than the first myself, but I am going to re-visit that whole chorus thing again. I'm just not happy with the sound and feel it can still be improved upon. Thanks for your feedback!

Powderfinger -- Thanks for listening. I'm going to get this to sound better eventually. It is one of those nagging things .. I am tired of working on it, but have a need to get it finished (the ol' catch 22 there) ... Thanks for your feedback!
 
Sweet tune. I like the contrast of the upbeat music and the sobering lyrics.
Vox could go up imho.
Not much more I can help with. Your getting sound advice as it is but, I wanted to let y know that I dug the tune.

Mature writting and arranging.

Peace,
Theron.
 
I'm Being Redundant

I don't have anything new to add...(except that I thought that was a tractor at the beginning!).

This is the 2nd mix I've listened to, and I just wanted to let you know that I like the song.

(can't hear the vox...told you I was being redundant).

I enjoy this; it strains me none....(well, maybe the "Blah-Blah-Blahs"). ACTUALLY, if ALL the vox were at the level of that...(shutting up now).

Really cool song.
-chris
 
Thanks

Thanks again for the feedback!

Theron -- Thanks for taking a 2nd stab at this. I am humbled by your kind words.

Chris -- Thanks for giving it a second listen. I'm really going to try to just re-record the chorus with a different vocalist. I'm too embarrased by the intonation problems and want it to sound right -- which explains why I had the vocals sooo low ... Thanks for the feedback!
 
hey drj, I really don't think you need someone else to sing it... imhop you just have to lower the octave or something.. I think you could nail this.. although a collab with your son is probably a lot fun too..

late
sam
 
I like this song. Like the theme of it. Surprised that TripleM hasn't responded yet.

So the vocal needs work, but I wouldn't give up on doing it yourself. It's a good opportunity to really work on your singing. I'm sure it's not as bad as it sounds to you.

As for the intonation, have you tried recording a lead track for your singing? Something that plays out your melody real prominent like a synth moog type tone that you can follow while you're singing? That can help sometimes.
 
Thanks Again

Thanks again for all the feedback!

Okay, so I asked my son to sing on it, but he kind of chickened out at the last minute (I think he still needs to build his confidence), so it comes down to me singin' the damn thing.

I'm going to try recording the lead track like you proposed Erich and then I think I will lower the octave since the falsetto just isn't working as well as I would like.

Thanks again guys!

Later!
 
This definitely has a Brian Wilson "Smile" feel to it. Cool!

The vocals are too low overall and, yes, some of the high stuff is struggling, so that rearrangement idea is probably a good one. Ah, but if you could get somebody to nail those falsettos, I'd do that.

I liked the sound of the drums, bass and piano. I thought they were working well together.

Oh, last--a tip. If something is out of tune or not working, turning it down is not the answer. It still gets picked out. The answer is to either get it right or not put it in, unfortunately. I learned the hard way, so I'm passing along the same info to you. :D

I'd really like to see you continue with this because its a good song!
 
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