A song about my Job.

[Slowjett]

I'm just a singer/songwriter type of dude.

Heres a song I wrote about my Day job.. Its called The Blacksmith.

Let me know how it sounds? How do you think the mics sound?

And the Lyrics if you would like to read them

The Blacksmith
(c) 2006 Josh Noone =]

You lived by the stone
You died by the fire alone,
A Blacksmith apart,
A creation of god,
A creation of Heart

My friend I saw you,
As the flames grew high,
I rushed in the help you
But I watched you die.
And my friend work quickly,
The steels getting cold
You forged with your hammer,
And you burned with your coals.

The edge of a blade
to the heal of a hand made
Well this is your life
your hands their not steady..
But you drive them pretty nice

The world misunderstands you,
They say your Tired and Old
But dear friend I know you,
And I say your just Whicked and Bold!

My friend I saw you,
As the flames grew high,
I rushed in to save you
But I watched as you died.
And my friend work quickly,
The steels getting cold
You forged with your hammer,
And you burned like…

My friend work quickly,
Your lifes set on hold,
You forged for your future
But you heart grew cold
So my friend work quickly
The steels getting cold!
You forged with your hammer
And you burned with your coals

[end]


Thanks,
Josh

 

[Hugo H]

Sounds great, Josh, both guitar and vocals. You've got a wonderful voice. Musically, this flows very nicely. I like the pace, the style and the dynamics. It's a good tune and like all good tunes can work equally well with as-is with a solo guitar or as a fully-blown-out arrangement.

But now for the bad news. The lyrics need work. The first verse and the chorus (as I think of the first two stanzas) are just fine. You're singing about a blacksmith who's died. But suddenly, in the third stanza, he's alive again - and in the fourth also. For example, you sing "the world misunderstands you, they say you're tired and old" which is fine to say if he's alive but the wrong tense for the deceased. He's past being "old" at that point.

This problem crops up again in the last stanza where you tell him to "work quickly". Basically, you've got to stop switching timeframes. While it can be done in lyrics it's not easy to pull off. I'd suggest rewording things to sing about him in the past tense, mainly because I like the chorus.

Don't get me wrong. I really enjoyed your song and your recording. I'm picky about getting lyrics done well, which, after all, can't hurt.

Look forwards to more!

 

[up-fiddler]

You lived by the stone
You died by the fire alone,
A Blacksmith apart,
A creation of god,
A creation of Heart

I like the imagery

And my friend work quickly,
The steels getting cold
You forged with your hammer,
And you burned with your coals.

ditto

My friend work quickly,
Your lifes set on hold,
You forged for your future
But you heart grew cold
So my friend work quickly
The steels getting cold!
You forged with your hammer
And you burned with your coals

And again....

I LOVE the sound, dynamics, and melody. The lyrics just don't take me anywhere. I would work with the above and see where your lyrical journey ends. Theme? Message? Story? Any of these would be a great addition to a great start. But, then again, that's just me...