
laj35
New member
Too bad to see that I've arrived with campfires slightly doused, I was excited to join the party.....
I'm apprehensive about writing much stooooopid shit, cause that damn last post that the server farged was so tight, and this one will prolly fall short....fuggggit...
So y'all don't need to know my life-story but you gotta know some. I'm just turned 21 born and raised in small town NH, went to HS in ME. We're talkin a HS with ONE African-American, ONE Asian-American, and that's it for "cultural diversity". That said, my older sister (by ten years) is finishing up her doctorate in Political Science, worked as an assistant to the ambassador of Kenya in Nairobi, is soon to be the wife of a wonderful Ethiopian man, and will prolly BE an ambassador some day. I don't wanna babble my shit, but my point is I come from a place where I've been bombarded with blatant racism, not *only the shit that the media comes with, the smoggy outer rims of the intricate web of bullshit that was weaved and concieved long before we were; yet I was in a family (eight kids, one damn proper mumma) that were free thinkers, had an inate awareness and did not for a second perpetuate anything but love and respect, and that's speakin to a whole lot more than the race issue(s). BUT, no matter how I was able to logisticize to myself the brethren that exists in breathing the same air as everyone else, I wasn't able to have friends that were black, or even be hanging around enough to just talk about the Celtics, or music or whatever the shit, just no one, literally.
My thought process throughout is, yeah just gotta graduate and get to a city, diversify, again much broader scope than just wanting a burgeouse buddy
. Go to school in Boston, live there for a year, move here to Seattle, live as close to downtown as possible, hit the courts three times a week, and man I feel more frustrated about MY alienation from human-kind than I ever imagined when I was in a state with a 2% black population, again this isn't just a black-white thing. It seems that it's understood that I can't just say hey to someone of another race, best not look anybody straight in the eye, best keep our conversation to ourselves. Invite a black dude over to my house for a blunt and some Madden, uh-uh. In an elevator with a "repectable" "well-off" 45 yo black buisnessman, is it just me that's concerned about the tightness in my chest cause he might be thinkin, I'm thinkin that or he's thinkin this????
Now my question here is not WHO's to blame, or WHY this has happened, or any of that shit, that's the winners writting the history books, that's not NOW anyways sos that's not for me. My question is WHAT the fuck can a short, goofy, white-boy do to help this situation? I'm asking that from a place that, again relates very little to the grand socio-sucko dilemna(s), racism being one very basic and heavy such dilemna, but moreover from a me-first perspective. I don't mean, me GET mine first, I mean me FIX mine first. I can't take the energy that smacks me like the bitch I am when confronted with this shit, it KILLS me, I struggle with this walkin down the street, I struggle with this in my sleep, I struggle with this right the fuck now.
MY ignorance is not self-imposed, egotistical, and (I don't think/hope not anyways

) self-aggrandizing. I curse my ignorance every second, I search for my dahrma (props-->Jack). I'm well aware of the inaccuracies, flaws and blatant ignorance that will be evident in this one post alone, and I loathe that, and I apologize as much as could matter, "they know not what they do." Despite this ignorance, inexperience and plain old stumption (?!?) that fucks me, I NEED to know what I can do about this for me, and most importantly for my kids, the kids they hang with, the kids I see at the playground when I play ball, the kids who wander into homerec.com, the kids who danced in the streets of Kabul as the Towers collapsed on 9/11. I will not die a happy man unless I figure that out, for ATLEAST ME.
I feel I am "aware," I feel I am "concerned," naw scratch that, I'm fuckin pissed the hell off. It matters, no doubt, and I'm never giving up on all this shit. I unequivocally respect the stance you have taken/come with here Flo' Do, and I mean that as no disrespect to Crosstudio. Your words scream revolution, and I'd die for it if I thought I wouldn't die alone and be buried in an all white grave or some shit. My revolution is being fought within my soul and my world every second of every day, I won't lose. I fancy we are fightin for the same squad, but I again resign myself to my own ignorance. I really want this thread to keep progressing, I really want whatever racism I might come with in my every day lingo to be pointed to, I really want some feedback from y'all on your thoughts about solutions, I really want a cigarette....
.............the beat goes on................................
Laj
I'm apprehensive about writing much stooooopid shit, cause that damn last post that the server farged was so tight, and this one will prolly fall short....fuggggit...
So y'all don't need to know my life-story but you gotta know some. I'm just turned 21 born and raised in small town NH, went to HS in ME. We're talkin a HS with ONE African-American, ONE Asian-American, and that's it for "cultural diversity". That said, my older sister (by ten years) is finishing up her doctorate in Political Science, worked as an assistant to the ambassador of Kenya in Nairobi, is soon to be the wife of a wonderful Ethiopian man, and will prolly BE an ambassador some day. I don't wanna babble my shit, but my point is I come from a place where I've been bombarded with blatant racism, not *only the shit that the media comes with, the smoggy outer rims of the intricate web of bullshit that was weaved and concieved long before we were; yet I was in a family (eight kids, one damn proper mumma) that were free thinkers, had an inate awareness and did not for a second perpetuate anything but love and respect, and that's speakin to a whole lot more than the race issue(s). BUT, no matter how I was able to logisticize to myself the brethren that exists in breathing the same air as everyone else, I wasn't able to have friends that were black, or even be hanging around enough to just talk about the Celtics, or music or whatever the shit, just no one, literally.
My thought process throughout is, yeah just gotta graduate and get to a city, diversify, again much broader scope than just wanting a burgeouse buddy

Now my question here is not WHO's to blame, or WHY this has happened, or any of that shit, that's the winners writting the history books, that's not NOW anyways sos that's not for me. My question is WHAT the fuck can a short, goofy, white-boy do to help this situation? I'm asking that from a place that, again relates very little to the grand socio-sucko dilemna(s), racism being one very basic and heavy such dilemna, but moreover from a me-first perspective. I don't mean, me GET mine first, I mean me FIX mine first. I can't take the energy that smacks me like the bitch I am when confronted with this shit, it KILLS me, I struggle with this walkin down the street, I struggle with this in my sleep, I struggle with this right the fuck now.
Flo' Dolo said:
I don't "worry" about that shit, like you said, I simply am aware & concerned. And, as an "aware" person, it's encumbent upon me to do something with that knowledge. IT FUCKING MATTERS. Cats like you end up teaching little black (and white, and yellow, and red, and green, and fuschia) children all the wrong shit without even realizing it, due to your own, self-imposed, egotistical, self-aggrandizing ignorance.
Flo' Dolo
MY ignorance is not self-imposed, egotistical, and (I don't think/hope not anyways



I feel I am "aware," I feel I am "concerned," naw scratch that, I'm fuckin pissed the hell off. It matters, no doubt, and I'm never giving up on all this shit. I unequivocally respect the stance you have taken/come with here Flo' Do, and I mean that as no disrespect to Crosstudio. Your words scream revolution, and I'd die for it if I thought I wouldn't die alone and be buried in an all white grave or some shit. My revolution is being fought within my soul and my world every second of every day, I won't lose. I fancy we are fightin for the same squad, but I again resign myself to my own ignorance. I really want this thread to keep progressing, I really want whatever racism I might come with in my every day lingo to be pointed to, I really want some feedback from y'all on your thoughts about solutions, I really want a cigarette....
.............the beat goes on................................
Laj