A new electronic groove. How did I do?

[lineland]

Here's my latest deal, working more with rhythm than in the past and with some sounds that are new to me. Would love to get your nitpicks on what I've got going on here.

 

[42low]

Is it me? Or isn't there any sound?

 

[lineland]

Uh... I can hear it. I just download-enabled it too, just in case it's Soundcloud.

 

[VomitHatSteve]

Is it me? Or isn't there any sound?

Just you. I hear it.

This is not doing it for me. If you mixed this into a more fleshed-out industrial song, I think it would be great, but nothing is really a strong enough lead line to hold the song together.
For the first two minutes, you have the cool-sounding-but-very-much-a-rhythm-part distorted synth.
Then you've got a kind-of-wanky-70s-prog synth.
By the time that was fading out, I gave up.

 

[lineland]

Any creative suggestions for what to do with the material that could make it more interesting to you? I'm not really an industrial guy.

 

[VomitHatSteve]

Standard industrial is basically a heavy punk/simple metal arrangement (over-driven guitars, heavy drums, punk/metal lyrics) with something much like this mixed in.

Maybe talk to Prospector about a collaboration. Do you do vocals at all?

 

[42low]

Uh... I can hear it. I just download-enabled it too, just in case it's Soundcloud.

Just you. I hear it.

I can't. As you can see at the captive. Where should i click on?



I think i see the problem.
Soundcloud was blocked here. It was me.