A guy that hates everything!

  • Thread starter Thread starter Ctrl_Alt_Dlt
  • Start date Start date
And if the band dissolves, you're gonna lose the friendship anyway IMO.

If music matters to him, probably the very best thing that could happen is getting booted. It might make him realize that he goes too far with that crap.
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I agree. I hope he realizes it.



how ever it didn't sound as if the problem got solved just a reinforcement of the same attitude in the future
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Why is that? I hope not.
 
Ctrl_Alt_Dlt said:
Why is that? I hope not.
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Because it sounded like he mainly justified his behavior.
From your description it sounds like he pretty much blamed his behavior on everyone else .... he wouldn't have acted like this if he'd had his creativity treated right by the band and since they didn't treat him right, now he's acting like this.
Doesn't sound like someone who's accepting any responsibility.

I wish you luck, this is a sucky and touchy thing to deal with.
Let us know how it goes, I confess to having a morbid interest in what happens!
:)
 
Lt. Bob said:
Because it sounded like he mainly justified his behavior.
From your description it sounds like he pretty much blamed his behavior on everyone else .... he wouldn't have acted like this if he'd had his creativity treated right by the band and since they didn't treat him right, now he's acting like this.
Doesn't sound like someone who's accepting any responsibility.

I wish you luck, this is a sucky and touchy thing to deal with.
Let us know how it goes, I confess to having a morbid interest in what happens!
:)
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Good to know. I honestly think his creativity was always respected and appreciated just like how everyone else in the group has been, but I can see that as well. It seems that our goals may have changed as the years went on.

If that is the case, what can we do now?
 
I would say that your relationship with your first cousin takes precedence over anything you've mentioned. However, as you've shown that you're prepared to meet him half way, whether or not the relationship fizzles is no longer down to you. It's his call. Because the reality here is that unless he goes through a massive overnight change, he has no real future with your band.
In truth thousands of bands have lost major members and never recovered. But equally so, thousands have lost their 'prime mover' and not only carried on, but actually done better and discovered things that were not evident when that former member was about.
Do what you feel you need to.
 
Sack him.

My band had similar issues with a guitarist. He wanted everything to be his way. 60's sounding, no effects. Wouldn't listen when anyone had an opinion.

We got rid of him and carried on as a 3 piece. Much more pleasant to make music with people that want to rather than those that mither you.

Sack him!
 
Clearly, your singer has some pretty deep-seated issues. You need to decide (if you have not, already) what is most important to YOU. Then act on that decision:

If it's the band, yeah, it might be okay to can him. He is sand in the gearbox, and destructive.

If it's your singer's contribution to the band/sessions, you may have to tolerate his excesses for a while, and work to help him get on top of them.

If it's your singer's mental health, you might want to nudge him in the direction of professional help. This might mean him leaving the group for a while, but that and him getting help are ultimately his decisions- otherwise they will not help. If you decide this is what you should do, get some professional advise, yourself, before you approach him. Talk to a mental-health care professional and take their advise. Years ago, I had to talk to a drummer who's ADD was causing serious problems in our band. I handled it poorly, and that was the last time I ever saw him.

I hasten to add, you can decide that all three are important- but you should prioritize them.
 
Lt. Bob said:
If music matters to him, probably the very best thing that could happen is getting booted. It might make him realize that he goes too far with that crap.
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This, or he never gets it. Tested and working.
 
As a person who is also hypercritical, negative, almost poisonous attitude wise most of the time, I can sympathize with both sides. He's obviously good at what he does, or you would have long since booted him. From a business / professional perspective it doesn't matter if you like the people you work with. 99% of the jobs out there, you WONT like the people. They make more than you, they have your job, they threaten your career every day of your career, or they're just unlike-able. But from a creative perspective you can't really put up with anything that's poisonous to your goals. Who's dime is it, that's making it happen? Yours or his?

By all means talk to the guy, don't just boot him, as that will only make him right in his mind. A victim of everyone else but himself. And to some extent he is, but that doesn't mean that he's not at fault. Perhaps he's just negative because he wants to get booted, but just can't come up with the nerve to flat out quit. You wont know unless you talk to him.
 
He's certainly not unique. Recalling rumors of a certain artists BITD that some people loved working with and other hated. Always the white mans fault. Moan and groan and storms out after 30 minutes. Some studio guys hated him because of his attitude. Others loved him because they never had to be in the same room as him for more than 30 minutes. And of course he'd come in after everything else was done and do his side of things with minimal crew.
 
I had a band director in High School that was rather harsh. Pros and Cons. Pro: We were a good group because of it. Con: But only because all of the folks who weren't serious about band quit.
 
Decision tree:

A) It is worth it
B) It is not worth it

Choose one, act decisively.
 
stevieb said:
Clearly, your singer has some pretty deep-seated issues.
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Raging inferiority complex. All that negativity can only drag the band down. He needs to get help, or you need to boot him out. If this keeps up, some of the more productive band members will get fed up and quit.
 
It's been a year since the OP.

I think they all killed each other. It was a murder-suicide-murder-suicide.
 
I bet the neurotic singer went on to be rich and famous, while his former band mates languished in obscurity. Am I right? :D
 
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