A few of my old songs

[ColdAsh]

I though i might post a few of my older songs to see what you guys though of em. Be blunt if you must.

Just The Way It Is

can't help it, can't fight it
can't change what's been decided
that's just the way it is, that's just the way it is

don't want it, don't chose it
'cause pretty soon you'll lose it
that's just the way it is, that's just the way it is

chorus:
all she wanted was to feel like someone
now all she want's is a bullet and a gun
always hiding and always on the run
that's just the way it is, that's just the way it is

you don't run, you can't hide
when feelings are locked inside
that's just the way it is, that's just the way it is

don't hold back, just let go
i need a sign to let me know
that's just the way it is, that's just the way it is

repeat in chorus

there's no point, in crying
when you're already dying
that's just the way it is, that's just the way it is

she's dying, she knows it
but still she feels she chose it
that's just the way it is, that's just the way it is

repeat chorus

Suicide
By Edward Briggs

last breath of air, don't shed a tear
it's too late to cry, all love must die
the time has come, my race is run
my body's week, the future's bleak

chorus:
i'm taking the easy way
can't handle another day
i'm taking the easy way, out

my body aches, with life's mistakes
love of regret, i won't forget
take one more glance, no second chance
it's been too long, life went so wrong

repeat chorus

i loved you so, you'll never know
of the love that grew, and the blood it drew
nothing to gain, from a life of pain
nothing to hide, but suicide

I was gonna post another one but i think thats enough.

 

[ColdAsh]

Are they that bad?

 

[joro]

Hi

I don't mean to be impolite but,
Your lyrics lack substance and are vague..
Sorry...just being honest...

Of course...if you put a killer melody with it...it could sell a million...
What do I know...ya know?

 

[ColdAsh]

Re: Hi

I don't mean to be impolite but,
Your lyrics lack substance and are vague..
Sorry...just being honest...

Of course...if you put a killer melody with it...it could sell a million...
What do I know...ya know?

Could you elaborate a bit? Any extra info could be a great help

 

[ColdAsh]

How would you compare it to this?

Fool enough to almost be it
Cool enough to not quite see it, doomed
Pick your pocket full of sorrow
And run away with me tommorow, gone
We'll try to ease the pain, somehow
Feel the same way
No one knows where our secrets go
I'll send my heart to all my dearies
When your love is so, so dreary, dream
I'm rumored to the the straight and narrow
While the harlots of my perils scream
And I fail, but when I can, I will
Try to understand that when I can, I will
Mother weeped the years I'm missing
All the time can't be given back
Shut my mouth and strike the demons
Cursed you and your reasons
Out of hand and out of season
Out of love and out of feeling
So bad but when I can, I will
Words define the plans
But when I can, I will
Fool enough to almost be it
Cool enough to not quite see it
Told enough to always feel it
Always old I always feel it
No more promise, no more sorrow
No longer will I follow
Can anybody hear me, I just want to be me
When I can, I will
Try to understand that when I can, I will

 

[joro]

HI,

Well...hmmmmm...
Let me first say that I am sure that you put a great deal of thought and effort into the compositions...Rhymn and meter are all OK but, structurally speaking there are issues...
I suppose it would depend on the genre...

Are these POP songs?

The real problem, as I see it, and this is just an opinion...
Is that the lyric does not tell me anything....no charachters...just emotions...feelings....
No settings, places, time periods,...nothing definite that I can relate to...no story to follow...
That is what I mean by vague...

Like I said...just an opinion..
Good luck though...keep writing....you can only get better...

 

[ColdAsh]

I thought the second song (suicide) was fairly explanitory, even without the title. Its just whats going through someones head as they contemplate suicide. I guess it doesnt have a story but that wasnt what i was going for. I feel that songs can be more than just stories. BTW joro, or anyone else do you feel the same about the last song i posted. Do you like it? Im never offended by opinion (and if i am i get over it) so say what you feel.

 

[joro]

Hi

Pretty much the same thing...especially structure....
I mean...tell me who and what the song is about....


Fool enough to almost be it (what is it?)
Cool enough to not quite see it, doomed (see what)
Pick your pocket full of sorrow (?)
And run away with me tommorow, gone(run where?)
We'll try to ease the pain, somehow (what pain? from what??)
Feel the same way
No one knows where our secrets go (what secret??)
I'll send my heart to all my dearies (dearies? is this a word?)
When your love is so, so dreary, dream(love is not dreary...ya know?)
I'm rumored to the the straight and narrow (double the?...)
While the harlots of my perils scream (who?what?)
And I fail, but when I can, I will (fail what?will what?)
Try to understand that when I can, I will (again...will understand what?)
Mother weeped the years I'm missing (why were you missing and what?)
All the time can't be given back (how much time and why?)
Shut my mouth and strike the demons (?)
Cursed you and your reasons (?)
Out of hand and out of season(?)
Out of love and out of feeling (why?)
So bad but when I can, I will (what is so bad and what will you be doing?)
Words define the plans (what plans?)
But when I can, I will (will do what?)
Fool enough to almost be it (be what?)
Cool enough to not quite see it (see what?)
Told enough to always feel it (feel what?)
Always old I always feel it (feel what?)
No more promise, no more sorrow
No longer will I follow (follow what?)
Can anybody hear me, I just want to be me (I hear you...I just don't understand you)
When I can, I will (will what?)
Try to understand that when I can, I will(will what?)


Obviously...there is an emotion...an emotion of sadness...and there is turmoil...and a hope for some kind of resolution to the issue but I do not know who it is about...or where, when or why....what the issues are....it just seems to be feelings spoken in rhymn with no cohesive story...

Plus...there is no structure what so ever to your words...unless they reflowed from a copy and paste...
Where do the verses start and stop...
Chorus?
Bridge?

Hope this helps...keep writing Ash....it is good for the soul....ya know?

 

[ColdAsh]

So so glad you feel that way . The last song i posted is Mayonaise by The Smashing Pumpkins and is just about my all time favourite set of lyrics. Billy Corgan is also my favourite song writer. It's his vaugness and obsurity that i love so much. And he's made millions from his music.
Which do you personaly prefer his lyrics or mine?

 

[joro]

Re: Hi

Of course...if you put a killer melody with it...it could sell a million...
What do I know...ya know?

Gee...I agree with myself Ed....How's about that?

 

[ColdAsh]

Lyrics without music

Gee...I agree with myself Ed....How's about that?

Yeah but what i was getting at is that you didnt like it but it still sold well (i dont think i explained that well). This brings on a point. Lyrics without music.
How much can you realy tell about a song just by the lyrics.
Also why do so many people seem to feel that lyrics MUST tell a stroy? Shouldnt they be a from of expresionalism what ever from that takes. I personly dont belive that a song must have a beginnig a midle and end end (in a story sense) but that it moves me. This is Another reason i hate what corporations and the idea that image means more had done to music. Pop music isnt written to generate or explore feelings and emotions but to make the singer/band look cool and make the cutstomer feel cool.
Well im glad i got that off my chest. Just my feeling but what do you guys feel on those topics.

 

[joro]

Re: Lyrics without music

Yeah but what i was getting at is that you didnt like it but it still sold well (i dont think i explained that well). This brings on a point. Lyrics without music.
How much can you realy tell about a song just by the lyrics.

Pop music isnt written to generate or explore feelings and emotions but to make the singer/band look cool and make the cutstomer feel cool.
Well im glad i got that off my chest. Just my feeling but what do you guys feel on those topics.

Answering the question.... You cannot have a "song" without music...so, to evaluate a lyric without the melody would mean that you would have to use accepted structural references that are "Industry" or "Craft" standards...
A good song can have a great lyric
A good song can have a great melody
A good song and be well performed and recorded well...

A great song has all of these things...this is my opinion..

Further comments..... I agree with you here...I cannot appreciate Pop songs...one great hook and a good set of tits usually determines success or failure (along with a lot of money for development and promotion...)


In summary...
I think you are an ass for posting someone else's lyrics....You definitely were playing me for the fool and you succeeded...
Good luck to you in your future Ed....

 

[ColdAsh]

Re: Re: Lyrics without music

In summary...
I think you are an ass for posting someone else's lyrics....You definitely were playing me for the fool and you succeeded...
Good luck to you in you future Ed....

That wasnt the intention joro. I just wanted to see how my song compared with a song written by someone else that has a fairly familiar style. The only way to get an unbias opinion was to not let you know its wasnt mine. The reason i said i was so glad to hear what you said was becauseit meant the my lyrics do have some potential and that the negative feedback wasnt anything to be concerned about (not that i mind negative feedback.
Appologies if i offended you.