A bit poppier than usual for me

[up-fiddler]

I am not recording until Monday so feel free to rip her apart and recommend. (Especially the second verse.) I hope to rewrite this weekend and if I am happy with her she goes to tape Monday or Tuesday.

Don't Worry
c.Dave Morehouse 2009

When darkness slides over the street.
The weight of the world falls upon my head
It gets harder to shuffle these heavy feet.
And I think about you safe in bed.
Chs:
Don’t worry ‘bout me
And I won’t worry ‘bout you.
Don’t worry ‘bout me
And I won’t worry ’bout you.
Easier to say than it is to do.
But don’t worry ‘bout me
And I won’t worry ‘bout you.

I ache for each new friend I meet
Inside their soul I can find my way
They might carry a passion’s heat
Or simply rest from my weary day.
Chs:
Don’t worry ‘bout me
And I won’t worry ‘bout you.
Don’t worry ‘bout me
And I won’t worry ’bout you.
Easier to say than it is to do.
But don’t worry ‘bout me
And I won’t worry ‘bout you.
Bridge –
Findin’ my way home’s not a strength of mine
I burn inside just to see around the bend
There’ something about this yearnin’ deep inside.
Oh, Oh, Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Chs:

 

[Whatmysay]

I get from the 1Vs, Ch and bridge that you are torn between the 'Call of the road' and the 'Warmth of home'. While 'new freinds' are an aspect of the road, the introduction of this idea in the second Vs seems to muddy it for me rather than the clarity on the theme that I would like.

I see a couple of options
1. Rewrite the 2nd Vers to be more in line with the road vs home
2. Rewrite both Vers to emphasises the qualities of friends on the road vs loved ones back home.

I like the Ch, and I think that is really about the relationship back home so maybe option 1 might play better. There is an edge to the Ch that suggests 'leaving home angry'

Perhaps emphasise the mix feelings about the road; freedom vs. restriction; familiarity vs change.

I guess to me this song evokes many ideas, but is yet to 'nail its self to a post'. I have no problem with lyrics open to more than one interpretation but that still needs a bit more clarity than I am getting from this one at the moment.

I really enjoy the Ch and Bridge though, and feel they are the cornerstones you should build from.

HTH

Burt

 

[gecko zzed]

So far so good.

First verse is fine, but I would consider alternatives to "I think about you safe in bed". That line could follow the slightly abstract flavour of the preceding three, which would mean a substantial overhaul. However, on reflection, it is only the word 'safe' that bothers me.

I like the chorus and bridge.

The second verse, though, leaves me adrift. While I am a keen devotee of obscure and enigmatic lyrics, I also like them to be cohesive enough in their own way for me to apply my own interpretation, and I am finding it difficult with this verse.

If it helps, you might like to jot down what the key thought behind this verse is, and then make sure that each line supports that thought in some way.

However, feel free to discard everything above if you are happy with what you've got, because I might just not be getting it.

 

[up-fiddler]

....
The second verse, though, leaves me adrift. While I am a keen devotee of obscure and enigmatic lyrics, I also like them to be cohesive enough in their own way for me to apply my own interpretation, and I am finding it difficult with this verse..........However, feel free to discard everything above if you are happy with what you've got, because I might just not be getting it.......

No. You and whatmysay are both, in fact, 'getting it'. The second verse is driving me crazy but the rest of the song is powerful.....especially when put to music. The second verse is a 'placeholder' for me on this tune. It is waiting there to be replaced with the REAL second verse. It allows me to sing the song and work on the arrangements without locking me in to a piece of crap that I will always hate. I will give it a go again today but I am not predicting great results.

 

[thestuckup]

Only minor suggestions

"When darkness slides over the street" Is "When" a necessary syllable here? I might consider just dropping the word. I myself have used this word at the beginning of a song but it has always irked me for some reason. Maybe once I hear your song it won't though...

"It gets harder to shuffle these heavy feet". (imo "harder to shuffle" and "heavy feet" is a little bit redundant; if you are thinking about changing the next line as has been suggested by others (and I think about you safe in bed) maybe reworking both at once would be an option)


The chorus seems pretty hook-laden even without music because of the repeat phrasing... I like it. I will be interested to hear the music come next week.

 

[ido1957]

I wanted to know more about where/what the speaker is doing. Although it appears that he's away from home, it's never stated directly or why. I concur with the previous comments about the last line of the first verse. There's some good strong parts in this lyrically....

 

[icystorm]

So far so good.

First verse is fine, but I would consider alternatives to "I think about you safe in bed".

You may have a good point, Gecko.

Maybe something like:

I'll hang upon your words instead

or

I'll rely upon your words instead

or

I'll pray to hear your voice instead

-------------

Those are just some thoughts, but I think you've got a good set of lyrics, Dave, just as you wrote them. As always, I look forward to hearing your demo. Will it include some of your good mandolin playing?

Cheers,
Joseph

 

[up-fiddler]

Thanks to everyone!

.....but please continue. Monday has turned into Thursday for me. I should be happy to have the work but it seems I always get work when I am in the middle of several projects of my own.