1st timer strikes again....

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shadow5606

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this is more or less a 13 minute wank at the moment but I plan on refining it down into a song eventually. If you have the patience to listen through tell me if there are any parts in the later section that you think should "make the cut".

Just to preface like in my earlier posting... I've only been doing this singer/songwriter bit for about 4 months so this is ALL work in progress. :)

BTW, the vocals & lead guitar are just one take on this track so theres not much refinement yet!

Thanks for any feedback guys....

It's called "Forest" (for lack of a better name right now)
http://www.nowhereradio.com/artists/album.php?aid=3210&alid=-1


Cliff
 
13 minutes?

I listened to the first 4 before I read your post:D
The part I heard is a VERY good outline for a song.
You are gonna be downright frightening when you start fine-tuning this material.

Keep going, you are on the verge of some quality stuff.
The hardest part is writing something that isn't SHITE.
You seem to be doing good on that part.
 
Thanks man, yeah, right now I'm just throwing out ideas like crazy, got about 9 original songs & a few half finished projects. Been playing the heck out of some open mics in Indy & working on my performance/singing/etc... Sooo... I figure once I get about 20 songs or so down I'll pick the best & go for an album, start trying to get booked & all that jazz. The other one on that website, Learn to Swim was the 2nd song I wrote & it's a little more "defined". The vocal on that recording is the best but I've been too lazy to fix it! :)
 
I like this song a lot. Nice feel.

Now the problems..
too much reverb in my opinion. You have used the same room sound too many times in this mix. It builds up on itself a bit. In contrast the vocal sounds too dry. I get what you are going for with the ambience/foreground contrast but it is quite a bit too much in my opinion. You try a few lightly sung high and low notes that don't quite work. The vocal gets way too loud in a few spots and teh song seems to drag a bit in the middle...kinda saggy...starts to lose the point. Some of the lead guitar seems to ramble senselessly. Ok the vocal gets really too loud at some parts, I suggest using an envelope to control the volume.

Cut like four minutes, a few notes, add a verse or three and control the volume of the vocal and a few guitar plucks and you will be getting somewhere. Or you could come up with some new part and return transition for it. It just gets waaay too long.

Ok I bitched enough. Moving on...
 
Thanks I can use some of those ideas. Yeah this 13 minute blog is not intended to be a "song" so to speak... but sometimes I like to improvise on a theme & then pull ideas from it... the 1st minute you can hear is "planned" but everything after that, the lead guit & vocal that is, is just a big long 1 - take improve. I want to pull some good bits from that & peice it all together a bit more cohesively.

Thanks for the feedback on it!

Cliff
 
Nice

too long, but nice. Lose some reverb. Clean up a couple of spots on the guitar. You don't need any bending etc. Good stuff
 
Skinny dippin'

In Windows Media Player I'm getting a message that the file ending does not match the format, but it plays anyway.

You can give us better than 64kbps quality please, 128 is the standard around here, actually 196kbps is seen a lot.

In the beginning the guitar sounds a touch out of tune, if you are not using an electronic tuner, you must, you can't avoid this.

I just feel like this whole thing is very 'loose'.

If you are not using a click track, please use a click track, you will be 'amazed' at the difference it will make. Even though the song is in it's early stages, the click track is still very important, it forces you to make decisions on the structure of the song.

Like ... how many measures each verse will be, and each chorus, where there will be breaks, where will the solo's be, when do the backup vocals start ... exactly, then you can double and triple them more effectively.

This is a great start ... I like the lonesome guitar sound for the solo you are developing, but not quite as much distortion please.

The harmony vocals are coming along well. Open your mouth up, way open, when you change to the 'ahhhhh' , in the harmony vocals.

Your vocal makes this sounds like a progressive country tune.
 
Play until the mere thought of playing any more makes you sick, then play some more... then, and only then, will you be ready to bring it live :D

You have a nice feel, the first guitar solo part worked fine, then it sounds like you got lost, bored, or just ran out of steam. I worked on a song earlier and had to play the second rhythm on it 10 times to just get it close to what I wanted, and I'm something of a seasoned player.

You have a good voice and it sounds like you might actually have something to say. You definitely should stick with it, but remember Rome wasn'y built in X number of days, so trial and error, and more errors on trial, usually makes a winner.

What the hell am I talking about?? :p
 
thanks for more feedback guys, I'm soaking this all up & filing it away.

I don't know if I'll ever have a "good" voice but I'll work on it... I think I'll always have one of those character voices like dylan or something. :) Not comparing myself to Bob Dylan, just saying that his voice isn't exactly what you're average music teacher would call technically "good".

I go back & forth on the click track idea... I mean sometimes it really mucks up my work... I guess I just need to get used to it & live w/ it... :) It's harder for something like this than a straight forward rock/country/anything song. Plus it's hard to do tempo changes w/ a clicker... but I've not really looked into that I guess. :)

Thanks Pinky... I may never be the best musician or the best singer... I know I won't be actually. But I do want to say something & touch some people along the way. So that's what I'm shooting for.

It's the craziest things, like @ some open mic I played at for months... this guy comes up & says I love your stuff, it inspires me to write (he's a poet/spoke word guy) Just that little bit makes it so worth it. I know he dosen't speak for the majority but if someone digs it then theres hope!!! :)

Cliff
 
shadow5606 said:
It's the craziest things, like @ some open mic I played at for months... this guy comes up & says I love your stuff, it inspires me to write (he's a poet/spoke word guy) Just that little bit makes it so worth it. I know he dosen't speak for the majority but if someone digs it then theres hope!!! :)
Click to expand...

Those are the moments we play for :)
 
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