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So, "this flooded teem soon breaks away form its usual bend" translates to "This overflowed overflow soon overflows"? :D

Minor re-write of Daddy's Girl...I've expanded it by one stanza so the final twist doesn't come in the middle of the third stanza but at the beginning of the fourth. Once again, no chorus, so I guess it's more of a ballad. Daddy’s Girl ©2009 J.D. Blessing She sits tall in her chair And gives...

"My motives barely criminal" ? This song reminds me of a time my roommate told me that the traffic was horrible coming home, the cause of the traffic jam turned out to be a cute blonde trying to change a tire. lol

Anytime. Just watching out for ya!

Glad to give suggestions. one last thing about the word "cowered"... it's the same type of verb as "sneeze", It's something YOU do, not anything anyone does to you. You wouldn't say "You crouched me." Same dif. "Cower" is something you do when you've been "cowed." Granted it's your lyrics...

I'm actually a bit relieved after reading the post. From the subject line, I thought you had written a song called "Crap Ass Busy." I wasn't REALLY sure that'd be my type of song! lol

After looking closely at the lyrics a second time, while I still think "Sweetness we crave" may be better than "sweetness we need" I realize that the chorus(?) already contains the word crave, and I'm not a big fan on using the same verb in a verse that is used in a chorus, especially so close...

OUCH! (Hey, as I said, it's just something I came up with within minutes. Even if it's not perfect, maybe it'll spark something in someone else to come up with the genius line. :D Granted "cowardice" isn't quite right, I couldn't come up with anything that ended with something that rhymed with...

Sigh, after an entire 5 minutes of fiddling with the lyrics here's what I've got on this... (see bolded for changes.) Take any and all suggestions with a grain of salt, and a dash of pepper for flavor. :) I Turned To This When I remember you - There is nothing I can do - I crawl within my...

I think the word you were looking for instead of "cowered" is actually "cowed" which both ryhmes with "crowd" much better and has the full meaning of being intimidated. I'll play with the bolded lines a bit myself to see if I can come up with anything worthy of suggesting. :)

I have one quick suggestion. Rather than "the sweetness we need", how about "the sweetness we crave." I started thinking about what it means to have a sweet-tooth, and that usually involves more of a craving, yearning rather than a "need." hmmm... along those lines, Candy for a child is a...

As a song, I figure it's more of a ballad since there isn't a clear chorus. If I made it as a song with a chorus, the chorus would be either the second stanza of the first verse, or the whole of what is now the first verse. Not really sure how to make the reveal more abrupt, tho, since I...

I dunno about princes, but apparently there are a lot of rich people with my last name in the Nigerian area. Sad thing is, they all die in plane crashes. If I EVER become rich and famous, I am NOT flying over Nigeria!

Thanks, Whatmysay! I am just very self-conscious about my singing voice, especially when solo a cappela. While *I* happen to like my voice, I make no assumptions that anyone else will, and don't want to "force" it on others I can't really sing as well as I think I can. :) This experience is...

The distraction was intentional. I wanted the reader/listener to start to say "HUH?" and wonder what exactly is going on. The third verse is meant as the reveal, so now you say "OH, THAT explains it." It's meant to cast everything that was said before in an entirely different light. This...

Thanks. Oh, and I just rewrote the second stanza of the second verse "Some see only her chair with wheels But that’s not what he sees He sees only his Daddy’s girl, This child with special needs." I think it better communicates his love for her. I wasn't real happy with his "pleading."

Here's one I just wrote (no, no singing included this time.) It's may work better as a poem than as an actual song, but I'd like opinions on it anyway. The first and second stanza might need to be switched, depending on how it reads... Anyhow, here it is. Daddy’s Girl ©2009 J.D. Blessing...

Thanks, but right now it isn't much of an option for me since I do all my posting from work. I don't have internet access from home yet due to lack of modem and decent computer to attach it to. (the comp I have is probably at least 7 years old and even upgrading it won't give it the memory or...

slight rewrite for second stanza above... She might stop for a while and give you a smile Tho she’ll never linger in one place for long If you stretch out your hand she might think to land But if you close your fingers, she will be gone I find this helps the internal rhyming a bit better...

Thanks again! It means a lot to me. hmmm...wonder if an a cappela recording could be incorporated as part of a monthly challenge... I wonder if maybe another challenge similar in nature to the one that inspired The Seed could be done: a list of words that should appear along with a list of...