On the Quarterdeck

R

Robus

Well-known member
New song. All comments welcome. Thanks!



On the Quarterdeck

White sangria give us a pause
Between the day’s effect and tomorrow’s cause
Tomorrow’s only cause

We’ll ride tonight on the quarterdeck
And that Spanish coast is ready
The fog is laid in heavy
And they’ll rise tonight on the border
With the moon on the water
And we’ll toast with Spanish whiskey and cigars

We’ll ride tonight on the quarterdeck
Them Mausers fetch us twenty and them Brownings thrice as many
Then we’ll light out and watch the sunrise on the East End jetty
And we’ll sip that Spanish lager through a straw

Keep the lighthouse there at Tarragona on the quarter
Them anarchistos ain’t half bad with a three inch mortar
They’ll crack dirty jokes as they watch us drown

White sangria give us a pause
Between the day’s effect and tomorrow’s cause
Tomorrow’s only cause

We’ll ride tonight on the quarterdeck
Watch them fireworks in the hills above Barcelona’s
Bloody thrills
And then we’ll fly tonight for the Strait
Keep the guns on the quarter
Or we’ll drink that salty water with a smile

(words and music Ray Taylor 2016)
 
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writing as I listen

vocals could come up a bit. they are pretty buried to my ears. What is your vocal bus compression setting? Not that that is the answer, volume control would be better, but I'm just wondering.

Do you know that once the vocals start, there isn't a break in them until more than halfway through the song? It makes the vocal segment seemed rushed and at a weird pace. that first musical break was past due, to me. The break, however, was very good, as is the second. Very creative fillers...reminds me of Allman Brothers.

Ok, the music sounds great, kit sounds nice, toms particularly, IMO. I like a bass sound with more bottom, and this seems more low-mid focused, but appropriate for the genre. Good panning decisions. nice space around everything during those breaks. Vocals - biggest drawback to me, honestly. i'd put more energy in the performance and make the phrasings "easier". there are a lot of words mashed into tight spaces at a low singing volume...that's what i'm getting. I'd prefer louder vocals (who am i to talk when my own stuff has quiet vocals, right), and shorter phrases. For example, you seem to try and fit 4 or 5 words into a single "note" of the melody. You write lyrics first, don't you? melody second? Have you tried coming up with a melody that you like first and THEN putting words to how that melody makes you feel? i'd be interested to hear that. but really, the musical breaks are fantastic to my ears.
 
andrushkiwt said:
It makes the vocal segment seemed rushed and at a weird pace.
Click to expand...

IMO...it's way too bouncy and fast-paced, and the amount of lyrics can't keep up with it. They come off very rushed and rambled...which in the end, takes away from any meaning they were to have.
For the content of the lyrics, the song is just too happy/boppy.
I'm understanding that it's about gun-running during wartime.

I would slow down the song quite a bit...but I already told him that. :)
IMO...it would let the vocal/lyrics be more deliberate and meaningful rather than ditty-like....
...but it's his song, and I guess this is how he hears it.
 
miroslav said:
IMO...it's way too bouncy and fast-paced, and the amount of lyrics can't keep up with it. They come off very rushed and rambled...which in the end, takes away from any meaning they were to have.
Click to expand...

I agree. lots of words crammed into small spaces. Plus, i can hardly hear them. But those are songwriting choices... mix-wise, it's really great to me, minus the vocal volume. I don't know if slowing down the tempo (what I think you suggested) would help, I haven't thought that through yet. I'd consider restructuring the phrasing of the vocals though.
 
andrushkiwt said:
I don't know if slowing down the tempo (what I think you suggested) would help, I haven't thought that through yet. I'd consider restructuring the phrasing of the vocals though.
Click to expand...

Well...I think that's going to be hard to do without slowing it down.
I mean....to really change the phrasing...it's going to have to break from the bouncy delivery.

As soon as I heard it, the first thing I though was it's too rushed and too bouncy...and I could right away hear a slower version that really opens up the vocals/lyrics.

Of course...I know that would require starting from zero...and I know that's sometimes a hard thing for songwriters to do, especially once they start tracking a song.
I've done it on more than one occasion...gone in with one BPM tempo, got all the tracks recorded, and the damn thing just wasn't feeling right. Spent a lot of time trying to "fix" what I had...until finally the realization that the tempo was wrong made it all work.
Now I often try out a new song at several tempos and even several keys...because the initial choices aren't always the best.

But it's his song, and I'll let it go at that....and he can decide how he wants to proceed. :)
 
Thanks for the comments, guys!

Andrushkiwt: I thought I was going to hear that the vocals are too loud. I'm running two compressors in series on the lead vocal, both ReaComp, both set to low ratios and trying to achieve a couple of dB reduction each. The first one is triggering a lot, the second just once in a while. I haven't done enough manual surgery to adjust the gain on too loud/too soft sections of the vocal track, so that may be causing the compressors to act up.

Bass: Good catch. This is the first time I've used a P bass in all the music I've posted here. Nearly always, I audition the P bass then go with my Jazz bass instead for the very reason you mention--less lower mid, more bottom. For once, I thought the P bass fit better here. There's also a bit of fuzz on the bass here, something I rarely use.

Melody and lyrics: Agreed the lyrics are a bit more crammed than most. I was trying to get the vocals kind of bouncing along with the underlying shuffle feel of the groove--whether it works or not is another question. No, I never start with the lyrics. Chord progressions and groove first, then the rough melody, then rough lyrics, then I double back and work on solving problems--fine-tuning chords, melody, and lyrics to get the right fit, hopefully.

Composition: I did originally have a 4 or 8 bar break between the first and second verses, then ditched the break in the interests of moving the narrative along. Maybe it needs to come back.

Miroslav: I gave some thought to your suggestion to slow down the tempo but wasn't hearing a way to do it. It's fairly fast as my songs go--140 BPM. I kind of liked that bounciness, but whether I'll like it in a month or two remains to be seen. I have been known to come back to a song later and decide the tempo needs a major change. Maybe I'll let it rest for a few weeks and then sit down with an acoustic guitar and see if I can find the song's natural tempo.

I really appreciate these in-depth comments. This is what makes the Clinic such a great part of the forum!
 
i like the song on the whole, robus..
but there are issues with the mix for sure.

in fact, i wont even discuss the mix, you gotta go back and work it more....


LYRICS: with so many words, strictly from a 'producer' point of view,
when i hear the single note guitar fills on the side, louder than the story you are telling,
it's not dialed in.

i would remix the whole thing,
by starting with the vocal centered,
and then bring everything else back up underneath it, one by one,
until you get the drums, bass and vocals locked in, with everything else under those.

with a song like this, the vocal really is the most important sonic element,
so everything has to support the vocal, without straining to hear any of it. i'd say, keep the vox dry. they sound good.


the drums seem very robotic....
and arrangment wise, it seems like you programmed the drums ahead of actually writing it,
and when you turn the beat around sometimes, it just sounds like the drums were not written for the part.

i think the drum parts could be written much more interestingly, instead of just 'boom pop boom pop boom pop'

if you did this (drums), it would make a real big difference.
be more experimental, and use NO pre-written patterns.
edit them all. especially on the outro, something special needs to happen there with the drums.

i don't mind the lyric at all, i rather like it.
and i think the delivery is fine, but the mix has to match it.
i think i'd have you add some double tracked vocal in a couple of places where the lyric needs a push....
and maybe a bit more harmony in a few spots.

i dig a lot of the guitar fills, especially in the middle break...those are nice.
 
Thanks Gonzo! Super helpful. Listening to it low last night before I posted, I though the vocals were a bit loud. In the clear light of morning--well, PM now--they are getting buried. I'll give the drums another go in the next mix.
 
Robus said:
Miroslav: I gave some thought to your suggestion to slow down the tempo but wasn't hearing a way to do it. It's fairly fast as my songs go--140 BPM. I kind of liked that bounciness, but whether I'll like it in a month or two remains to be seen.
Click to expand...

Don't let my suggestion disrupt your vision.
I know sometimes when you get a song in your head...you only hear it that one way, especially when you're the one who wrote it and who's been working on it...so it's going to be "stuck" in your head that one way, and that's how you like it.

I know in general you like that loungy/Steely Dan vibe...and that's cool.
I'm more into Rock/Pop stuff...so I immediately heard it in a slower, and a bit darker way...especially considering the gun-running subject matter (not that gun-running can't be fun too ;) )...and that's why I suggested something around 92 BPM in the PM...but YOU have to be able to hear it at that tempo for it to make sense.
It won't work if I hear it like that...and you don't. :D

Eh...you may try it out one day...and you may hate it slower... :)
 
Thanks Miro. The perspectives I get on this forum often lead me to think about a song in a different way. As you say, one does get locked into a certain vision of a song when you are doing everything yourself--working in a bubble, so to speak.

When it comes to rethinking major aspects of the song, for example big tempo changes, I find what helps is to get some distance from it, then strip the song down to its bare bones essence: vocal and chords. Playing it from memory on acoustic guitar seems to work. Often the natural tempo of the song will come out.
 
The jaunty tune with the morose lyrics is a trick that a few British bands have carried off really well, notably the Smiths and the Beautiful South. I'm not sure you've quite hit that spot with this. :)

Instrumentally it's very good and the breaks are nice. I like the mix, too. In the context of the mix I find the snare too bright/brittle sounding and the vocal too low in the mix, too thin tonally and lacking in gusto performance wise. I would work on the performance first, sing it over and over, get a bit of proximity effect going with your mic and practise the phrasing.

When I can hear the backing vocals, they are really low, panned too close to the main vocal and slightly distracting. I think they could work but I think they need to be at least doubled, (or harmonised) and sung more precisely to the rhythm. At the moment they sound a bit like somebody at a pub jam night tentatively improvising a backing vocal rather than being a thought-out and rehearsed part of a recording. I think it has potential, though. :)
 
Thanks Bubba! I agree with pretty much all of that. I probably will be adding more harmony vox. Don't know if you've heard my other efforts, but there's usually a bunch of harmony vocals in my songs--too much, I'm often told.
 
Vocal tone is nice and clear. I like the tone of the guitar on the left (you could probably bring that up a tick or so). Bass is just about the right level.

I think SoundCloud is butchering your cymbals. They're swishy, but I'll bet they aren't in the original mix.

The piano on the right is a little thin and tinkly. I'd like something a little fuller and warmer.

I could also go for a warmer bass. It's a bit sterile. Not bad, just a bit.

I like that lead-ish guitar on the right side that comes in later in the song. The clean lead-ish guitar in the center is a little too thin and brittle.

Small things, and mostly highly personal preferences.
 
Thanks TM. I forgot to pre-render the drums to audio tracks. That swishiness on the cymbals is the telltale sign. I don't know why, but I hear it every time.
 
Yeah, the big thing that's sticking out to me is that all of the "fluff" parts (piano tinkles, guitar fills, etc.) are much louder and "closer" than the vocals. Those things are good for adding dynamics and variety to the song, but they're demanding to be front and center (well, front and hard-panned at least) in this mix.
 
Thanks Steve. Gonzo suggested taking the mix apart and rebuilding it starting from the vocal, and that's what I'm going to do. I'll get the vocal front and center, with every word of the lyric clearly intelligible, if it kills me.
 
the mix sounds good, robus. i like the spacing -- how did you create so much space? i notice my recordings often sound claustrophobic.

regarding the song...the shuffle feel kind of limits where you can go with a song, imo. Like it's really hard to change rhythmically since it's such a strong feel, so a song with shuffle gets repetitive. i guess that is why you modulated, but the modulation seemed abrupt to me.
 
Since you are probably going to go back and re-do some of this, I won't comment on the mix. I thought the words on the minute mark felt rushed, but IMO it just requires more rehearsal. You get the words, tempo and the lips in sync, what you have will work, but you have to have everything in your head all most on automatic and that will get it to work.

I've done something like this and just had to work it so much I didn't think about it. I think you can pull it off, just not casual.
 
Really like the vocals on this one, they're up front and center, no hesitation. It's a brand new Robus! Really good, sells the song I think. The song is really nice too, I think the piano could use some improvement (not the playing, just the synth.) Drums were kind of abused by Soundcloud (not a mix issue of course), I don't know why they can't figure that out. . .

The ending fadeout is maybe a bit abrupt. I'd probably extend it a measure or two.
 
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