brownstone flows from her brown stone nose

[hhinterwebz]

 

[NotThatBright]

Eh. This is weird, but your best stuff is weird AND disturbing. You had one that was so fucked up one time that I couldn't even bring myself to comment. I respect that.

 

[Pinky]

It's solid. I would break it up musically. There's definitely a verse chorus verse here, adding some additional musical elements could make it more interesting and help elevate the lyrics for those sections.

 

[gecko zzed]

Full marks for originality, but heed what pinky says. You can afford to introduce different kinds of weirdness throughout

 

[Bruthish]

weird indeed. I was waiting for something big to happen but it never came. Cool idea with the effects

 

[hhinterwebz]

Eh. This is weird, but your best stuff is weird AND disturbing. You had one that was so fucked up one time that I couldn't even bring myself to comment. I respect that.

was it this one?

 

[Pinky]

was it this one?

haha that was good. The end was abrupt, and the insane rhyme predictable, but until that moment I thought it was really unique.

 

[Schwarzenyaeger]

Wow, that youtube channel.

 

[VomitHatSteve]

+1 for more variety.

Ok. This is going to sound pretty backhanded, and for that I'm sorry. It sounds like you're taking this a lot more seriously than some of your earlier stuff, and that's definitely good. It sounds like a song with writing and some kind of motivation rather than a couple of guys messing around with a mic.

Also, I know this is the mp3 clinic and not the songwriting forum, but you might want to be wary of the AA BB rhyme scheme; it tends to sound predictable.

 

[NotThatBright]

was it this one?

That's not it. All I remember is that it was quite vulgar... which in and of itself is no big deal, but this must have been a disturbing sort of vulgar. I wish I could remember something else about it, I'd like to hear it again so I can remember just what I found so disturbing about it.

 

[dobro]

Okay, you know how to lay down an engaging groove. But change it up once in a while, okay? I mean, if you learn how to change it up, you can then return to the previous groove and then you've got TWO minutes of great music on your hands. After that, learn the bridge trick, and the sky's the limit.

 

[hhinterwebz]

That's not it. All I remember is that it was quite vulgar... which in and of itself is no big deal, but this must have been a disturbing sort of vulgar. I wish I could remember something else about it, I'd like to hear it again so I can remember just what I found so disturbing about it.

Oh I think your thinking of the pull my pud song. I set it to private cos it was too much even for me.