original song- KNIFE -suggestions/comments appreciated

[NotThatBright]

To paraphrase Crocodile Dundee... KNIFE is not a knife!

This is one of the first songs I wrote, and one of my favorites. I did this recording recently... I plan on re-recording it over the weekend using a metronome so I get the drums right for once. I'm looking for any feedback you can give (good or bad), or suggestions you have regarding anything from mixing, songwriting, tones, etc. so I can tweak it before I nail it down. The lyrics are obviously fiction... Knife does not exist, to my knowledge. When I came up with the main bass & guitar riff it reminded me of a truck cruising down the highway for some reason. There aren't enough songs about crazy truck drivers!

What I already know is that the pace fluctuates a bit, and the vocal sucks. So pretty much anything else you have to say would be great, but I already have plans to fix these two things.

The sound effect at the beginning was just me being a jerkoff... youtube makes being a jerkoff way too easy.

Lyrics are on the soundcloud page.

Thanks!

https://soundcloud.com/user92696274096/knife-fast/s-I9GpS

UPDATE:

I cut out some of the garbage frequencies from the toms, I believe this is a better mix:

https://soundcloud.com/user92696274096/knife-take-2/s-GCrzo

 

[cmayo]

I like this cut a lot; it's nicely b*lls to the wall and I think the vocals are fine and very appropriate for the song.

To my ears, the guitar in the front of the left channel is hot enough that it competes for attention with the lead vocal and the rest of the tracks, so it's hard for me to really absorb what else is going on. You might try pulling it back 2-4 db to let the other tracks breathe a bit. The low toms also seem a bit distracting at 0:52 & 1:32. Again, a 2-4 db cut and/or shelving the low freq's below 150hz might help help them lay in the track a little better.

Compositionally, I wonder if it doesn't end a bit abruptly? I might repeat the phrase between 2:17 & 2:22 a time or two to help set up the ending.

Personally, I'd lose the "Convoy" diesel truck intro or at least crossfade it into the guitar intro, and I could live without the F-bomb at the end, but I'm really not within your target audience so your mileage may definitely vary.

 

[DM60]

I didn't see an issue with the vocals. It is not Adel, but didn't think it was intended to be that

I heard the same thing that cmayo heard. I didn't know it was toms, but something was coming out not very pleasant.

I listened with full speakers, didn't hear a guitar pulling.

Not too bad, take care of the toms, maybe brighten it up just a small bit (pure subjective let others confirm). I thought it wasn't bad.

 

[NotThatBright]

it's nicely b*lls to the wall

What a great thing to say. Thanks!

To my ears, the guitar in the front of the left channel is hot enough that it competes for attention with the lead vocal and the rest of the tracks, so it's hard for me to really absorb what else is going on. You might try pulling it back 2-4 db to let the other tracks breathe a bit. The low toms also seem a bit distracting at 0:52 & 1:32. Again, a 2-4 db cut and/or shelving the low freq's below 150hz might help help them lay in the track a little better.

I like having the guitars loud, I'll just nudge the vocal up a bit. I agree it is a bit hard to hear the vocal over all that din.

I agree, I need to do some EQing on that 18" tom at :52 and 1:32. In fact, I need to cut mids from all my toms... totally forgot about that.

Compositionally, I wonder if it doesn't end a bit abruptly? I might repeat the phrase between 2:17 & 2:22 a time or two to help set up the ending.

I do like abrupt endings, but maybe I could do a little buildup before the abrupt ending. I'll come up with another few seconds of something.

Personally, I'd lose the "Convoy" diesel truck intro or at least crossfade it into the guitar intro, and I could live without the F-bomb at the end

Heh... convoy I must have had too much time on my hands. I'll have to think about the intro. The cursing at the end was just me blowing off steam after all that shouting. I have a habit of breaking the fourth wall for no artistic reason at the end of songs. I agree, that'll be shitcanned.

Great feedback. Thanks.

but I'm really not within your target audience so your mileage may definitely vary.

Ha! I get it!

 

[NotThatBright]

I didn't see an issue with the vocals. It is not Adel, but didn't think it was intended to be that

I heard the same thing that cmayo heard. I didn't know it was toms, but something was coming out not very pleasant.

I listened with full speakers, didn't hear a guitar pulling.

Not too bad, take care of the toms, maybe brighten it up just a small bit (pure subjective let others confirm). I thought it wasn't bad.

Much thanks for the feedback. Definitely going to do some tom EQing and see how that works out. I don't know what Adel is, but it definitely doesn't sound like something I was going for!

 

[Schwarzenyaeger]

The riff at the beginning didn't really add anything to the song. Sounded choppy as well.

Your voice is good as usual.

This mix is a lot less boxy than your previous stuff. Yay.

 

[NotThatBright]

The riff at the beginning didn't really add anything to the song. Sounded choppy as well.

Yeah, that's a holdover from my formative days of attempting to play instruments... to be honest I didn't even really realize it was there, I was almost deaf to it. When I wrote and recorded this song for the first time, which was probably almost a year ago on a $200 drum kit and using an $11 microphone, I was impressed as hell with myself that I was able to play that little riff, and I stuck it at the beginning of my first recording of the song. As my self-admiration for being able to play the riff has waned over the past year, I now agree it is superfluous at best, stupid at worst. It's outta here.

Your voice is good as usual.

Are you asking me out?

That was a joke. Thanks for the compliment.

This mix is a lot less boxy than your previous stuff. Yay.

I'd never heard the term "boxy" until someone said a song of mine sounded boxy last week. After googling it to understand what the hell it meant, I realized that everything I ever recorded must have sounded boxy, and was delighted to learn that all you need to do is cut mids in the toms to get rid of it. A problem with a simple solution... I'd forgotten how much I missed those.

This has to be the first time you haven't impugned the sound of my kick drum. I feel like I graduated from something. But where's my hat?

 

[Schwarzenyaeger]

Boxy usually means an overabundance of frequencies around 200-500 or the "low-mids". The body of a snare exists around here, for instance. It's easy for a bunch of instruments to mush up around this area.

It sounds like it has low end and punch this time.

What kind of hat do you want?



edit: i noticed the (toms?) around 1:3x in the left speaker. Sounded a bit odd.

 

[NotThatBright]

It sounds like it has low end and punch this time.

Rock and roll, brother!

What kind of hat do you want?

I was referring to the ones with the tassels worn by those graduating. I'm actually not big on hats... never found them comfortable. I might have a fucked-up shaped head or something. The brain's just fine, I'm sure.

edit: i noticed the (toms?) around 1:3x in the left speaker. Sounded a bit odd.

That's one of the lines where I hit the 18" tom a few times. It sounds pretty bad, but I didn't want to get too ridiculous with the EQing just to squeeze a little attack out of it. I going to move the mic on that drum next time I play and see if it helps. The mic on that one is actually the $30 kick drum mic that I first used on the kick drum... as I recall it's tough to get any treble out of it. Might need to upgrade.

 

[fuzzsniffvoyage]

I dig the tune. Drums sound like cardboard boxes. Guitar a bit harsh/thin/trebbly? I'd like to hear this mixed better.

 

[NotThatBright]

I dig the tune. Drums sound like cardboard boxes. Guitar a bit harsh/thin/trebbly? I'd like to hear this mixed better.

Thanks for the feedback, glad you like the tune. Given that you think it sounds boxy, I'm hoping that you clicked on the first link up there, which I should have deleted when I did a remix... the second link is the good one and I hope it doesn't sound boxy... or certainly AS boxy.