Right! I should post this song I've been sitting on for a week.

  • Thread starter Thread starter VomitHatSteve
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VomitHatSteve

VomitHatSteve

Hat STYLE. Not contents.
Part 4 of that series I've been doing on space travel and colonizing other worlds. Here be where the fighting starts:

Arrival
MP3 | FLAC

Our story so far: Johnny left his love Constance behind to be one of the first colonists to settle a distant world. The colonists were to be kept in cryo-sleep while generations of caretakers piloted the ship for the 1000-year voyage. The caretakers were to be instructed from Earth by the ansible (a device for instant, super-luminal communication). Somewhere along the line, a generation arose that did not agree to the contract their ancestors had agreed to. They destroyed the ansible and declared themselves lords of the mission.

The Lyrics said:
Sir they can't do this, for I have paid my share.
I will not build the cities I paid to have already there.

If they will not heed the ansible's decree,
I will ensure that they hearken to me!

They still do not yield, so they shall taste our blades.
They'll soon see a contract should not lightly be betrayed.

If they will not heed the ansible's decree,
I will ensure that they hearken to me!

I came across an old letter from Constance.
It seems she moved on 1000 years ago.
I came out here into the black to seek adventure.
Now I've found it; what's next I cannot know.

But we're cut off from Earth forevermore.
Our mission's a failure, so why not have a war?
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Ha ha! Thanks!

I think that's the first time I've ever heard that particular sentence.
 
Interesting story. Your snare seems to be a bit muffled. Work on timing just a bit too. Thanks for sharing!
 
Steve, I really like your writing, its always original and fun. Enjoyed the listen. Great job.
 
PoeticIntensity said:
Interesting story. Your snare seems to be a bit muffled. Work on timing just a bit too. Thanks for sharing!
Click to expand...
Thanks! Drums are, for me, the toughest instrument I've tried in a long time. I just don't take to them as naturally as a lot of other stuff.
And my neighbors complain when I practice. :D
PDP said:
Steve, I really like your writing, its always original and fun. Enjoyed the listen. Great job.
Click to expand...
Thanks!
 
Nice...I think this is my favorite part of this particular series of tunes. Yes, the snare does seem to be awfully muffled here, but I enjoyed the nintendo-esque blips during the break towards the end. Cool concept - I can barely keep the same idea going throughout just one tune, so good job following through on this.
 
Thanks, Heat!

Alright, the consensus is that I need to do something about the snare. I will revisit it when I get a moment.
 
Bury the vox a bit, pull up the guitars add lots of reverb & it'd be Hawkwind - thematically and all.
I like it!
 
Sounds nice, I love the story. The vocals are a little too loud, the guitars a little too quiet, and the snare isn't really popping. Otherwise it sounds great.
 
I always have so much trouble deciding what to say for your songs. I'm never sure if you are a case of "I was going for that sound," or "Help me make this sound professional." You are a great writer though. From what I can tell, follow everyone's advice about fixing the snare. The kick sounds a bit strange... It sounds like the mic was put in a paper towel tube thingy, The vocals are lacking some lows. Should I say good job or nice try? :D
 
Thanks squibble!

On paper, I'm going for a professional but unique sound.

As far as drums go, I'd really like them to just sound good according to most people's definition. (Except for the weird synth drums that I do, but those weren't featured here.)

I just picked up some condensers for overheads, so hopefully, they'll be better on the next song. I still need to figure out where to put the kick mic though.
 
OK. Version 2:

MP3 | FLAC

I mucked with the EQ on the kick and the EQ and reverb on the snare.
How do you guys who don't suck at drums deal with bleed between the drum tracks? The high hat is overwhelming both the kick and snare channels.

I also turned the vox down and the guitars up a smidge.
 
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