Color Me, crappy, perhaps?

  • Thread starter Thread starter PoeticIntensity
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PoeticIntensity

PoeticIntensity

MagicJones.com (is a website)
No idea what this is, but I needed to write something. My first time trying to integrate fake percussion (yay! I actually used my Radias in an actual song!) with acoustic drums (and a piano, and 8 tracks of guitars, and a whole bunch of meaningless lyrics)

Anyway... This is a rough take of the song. Interested in any thoughts / critiques / anything.

Thanks for listening.

Color Me

PS - Why the hey is Greg banned? He's been the most helpful person BY FAR in this forum since I joined almost 2 years ago. He must have really screwed the pooch to get banned. Anyone? Anyone?
 
Lyrics:

Why, do i Sing like this Song....
is Gonna mean anyThing...
i'd rather Talk to my Cat. Yeah.
the Songs in my Head seem to Flow...
like a Big ol' ball of rubber-Bands.
i throw it Down.... the Hall. (or "i throw is Off... a Cliff)

Words written, paper plates and songs about a girl
jumpin' rope and playin' hop-scotch on your street.
Red carpet, cep-i-a, the color's in her world
i Think you're sure you Know just what i Mean.

Hoses are Frozen, my Nose
is Gettin' really really Big
i Can't begin ... to explain. No.
Egg shakers Cake bakers Stare
up inTo the bright big blue Sky
I question, "How... can this be... so real?"

(Chorus)

(Solo)

Meanings are Useful if Used in the Past.
Pass me that cream cheese croissant. Please?
Red is your color, it Covers your lips.
so Come, let's go play in the Rain. It's Raining!

Chorus

i Think you're sure you Know just what i Mean.
i Think you're sure you Know just what i Mean.
i Think you're sure you Know just what i Mean.
 
It's a hit! I declare it so. It made me tap my feet. Seriously kind of a fun little ditty. With a little work, y'know, egg shaker, hot latino back up singers and the like it could fill out really nicely. Oh and don't forget the cowbell. Thanks for sharing.
 
I agree with Tobe.
I can't really put my finger on it exactly, but somehow I think it does sound a bit like you're trying too hard with the mix.
Possibly could be a bit too compressed? What do other people think?
 
For the first 15 seconds or so, I probably would have agreed with Tobe. It kind of sounds like the last Sufjan Stevens album with that whole folksy music with arbitrary drum machines.

Once the actual song kicks in, it gets really good though! It's catchy. I like the vocal "woah"s. Guitar tone is good.

The drums may be a little buried, but I'm no expert.

What's the effect on the bass?

Edit: Is Greg actually banned or is that just his title?
 
guitar zero said:
It's a hit! I declare it so. It made me tap my feet. Seriously kind of a fun little ditty. With a little work, y'know, egg shaker, hot latino back up singers and the like it could fill out really nicely. Oh and don't forget the cowbell. Thanks for sharing.
Click to expand...

D'oh! I missed the cowbell! Not a bad idea, actually. Thanks for the kudos, dude.

Tobe said:
Hi PoeticIntesity,

For this style of song I would go more raw. This sounds a bit too produced.
Click to expand...

Interesting comment, Tobe. I guess that since this was a quick 3-day deal, I could consider it a compliment that I'm able to get a "processed" song done so quickly. Hadn't really considered it sounding processed. I'll give it a few days and listen to it again with that in mind. Thanks for the heads' up.

cobaltaudio said:
I agree with Tobe.
I can't really put my finger on it exactly, but somehow I think it does sound a bit like you're trying too hard with the mix.
Possibly could be a bit too compressed? What do other people think?
Click to expand...

Thanks for tuning in, Cobalt! Hmm.... Compression isn't any different than I do with other songs. It is pumped up pretty hard on the mastering side of things, but not more than usual. It could be the drum loops I'm using. It gives it more of a processed sound, maybe?

VomitHatSteve said:
For the first 15 seconds or so, I probably would have agreed with Tobe. It kind of sounds like the last Sufjan Stevens album with that whole folksy music with arbitrary drum machines.

Once the actual song kicks in, it gets really good though! It's catchy. I like the vocal "woah"s. Guitar tone is good.

The drums may be a little buried, but I'm no expert.

What's the effect on the bass?

Edit: Is Greg actually banned or is that just his title?
Click to expand...

Thanks, Steve! No effect on the bass - it's clean and clear with a moderate amount of compression. Nothing else. I'm thinking the drums may be a bit buried as well. Thanks for the comment.

As far as Greg goes, I'm honestly curious. He was quite abrasive, but he had that right, in my opinion, because his critiques to always seem to be right on-base, and he was really quite helpful, once ya get past the grit.
 
Sounds very nice P.I.

Like the vocals and the way they were captured on this. The drum blend is cool too. A very different overall feel from your other tunes...a little more pop, which is fine.

Only thing that struck me was some excessive sibilance on the vocals at times, but I make that observation fairly often and others don't always agree, so obviously take that with a grain. Well done sir.
 
arcadeko said:
Egg Shaker +1

Sounds great dude.
Click to expand...

Thanks, man. Good to hear from ya, and thanks for the listen.

heatmiser said:
Sounds very nice P.I.

Like the vocals and the way they were captured on this. The drum blend is cool too. A very different overall feel from your other tunes...a little more pop, which is fine.

Only thing that struck me was some excessive sibilance on the vocals at times, but I make that observation fairly often and others don't always agree, so obviously take that with a grain. Well done sir.
Click to expand...

Thank you, heatmiser! I put all my vocals through an Antares AVP-1 and I've got the de-essing set at 7500HZ, and it usually does a good job of getting rid of really offensive sibilance. I'll give it another listen to see what my ears tell me.

Thanks for commenting!
 
Ooops missed this one fella...its got a weezer or something vibe about it, very different from what youve done recently and its great for it

Mix wise this all sounds good, I think the vocals are a tiny bit low...and maybe a touch sibilance as mentioned, nothing to retrack for though imho


Arrangement wise Im not keen on the "this is just a song about nothing" beginning, as when its going its poptastic,very catchy..I love the chorus especially..Id change that beginning as it seems like an apology for the songs irrelevance rather than that being its strong point..I know this isnt the arrangement clinic but..

when this is all going I think this is one of your strongest efforts in here...I think if you could introduce more elements from the radius into tracks like this, and not just straight piano sounds, your going to have a far more unique sound

infact if that piano part was a strong synth lead, with a slight sweep, it would sound even better..the piano dates it a little

good stuff Jason..and not just saying that I really enjoyed that
 
yeah - the synth instead of piano is a good idea.
the song is cool Wheezer pop Rock & it's all pretty cool except the vocals seem a bit odd - not the melody or the lyric just the delivery - almost nasal flat or maybe in a difficult register as well as the volume being too low in several spots?
Great bass tone too!
Keep working on it.
 
- the vocals vary a bit at times; a couple spots they jumped out and other times I was straining to understand the lyrics. Not sure how to process that but it was the only thing that even sounded remotely "off" in this tune.
- great singing and harmonies; this is a very modern sounding vocal as in it fits in today's genre (vs hair metal 80's per se :D).
- excellent vibe overall, it's upbeat catchy and kept me grooving the whole time on both listens.
 
LOL. This is a rough take?

I would be happy with anything that sounds like this, especially a "rough take."

Is this completely you? 'cause I have heard a lot of your songs and if that is so, you got it going on with this one dude. This song has got it together as far as I am concerned. Keep them coming dude. :D
 
kcearl said:
Ooops missed this one fella...its got a weezer or something vibe about it, very different from what youve done recently and its great for it

Mix wise this all sounds good, I think the vocals are a tiny bit low...and maybe a touch sibilance as mentioned, nothing to retrack for though imho


Arrangement wise Im not keen on the "this is just a song about nothing" beginning, as when its going its poptastic,very catchy..I love the chorus especially..Id change that beginning as it seems like an apology for the songs irrelevance rather than that being its strong point..I know this isnt the arrangement clinic but..

when this is all going I think this is one of your strongest efforts in here...I think if you could introduce more elements from the radius into tracks like this, and not just straight piano sounds, your going to have a far more unique sound

infact if that piano part was a strong synth lead, with a slight sweep, it would sound even better..the piano dates it a little

good stuff Jason..and not just saying that I really enjoyed that
Click to expand...

Thanks, bro! Ya know.. This song started out as a joke. I bought my kids down and played around with some chords. Then we wrote lyrics that were purposefully meaningless. A day later, when I got to the chorus, it suddenly became not-so-meaningless. Maybe I'll give the first lines a re-thinking. That piano part, I believe, should be a slide-whistle part, instead. My MIDI system is down for the moment, so it'll be a bit before I can re-do the piano part. I agree it should be re-done with a difference voice.

Thanks again, mate!

rayc said:
yeah - the synth instead of piano is a good idea.
the song is cool Wheezer pop Rock & it's all pretty cool except the vocals seem a bit odd - not the melody or the lyric just the delivery - almost nasal flat or maybe in a difficult register as well as the volume being too low in several spots?
Great bass tone too!
Keep working on it.
Click to expand...

Guess I gotta get me some vocal lessons. heh... Thanks for the listen and the comment, Ray. I'll work on the vocal volume, too.

ido1957 said:
- the vocals vary a bit at times; a couple spots they jumped out and other times I was straining to understand the lyrics. Not sure how to process that but it was the only thing that even sounded remotely "off" in this tune.
- great singing and harmonies; this is a very modern sounding vocal as in it fits in today's genre (vs hair metal 80's per se :D).
- excellent vibe overall, it's upbeat catchy and kept me grooving the whole time on both listens.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the listen and comment, Gerry. I miss drummin' for ya! Seems like the consensus is there's some volume issues with the vocals. Thanks for chiming in, man.

trumpino1 said:
LOL. This is a rough take?

I would be happy with anything that sounds like this, especially a "rough take."

Is this completely you? 'cause I have heard a lot of your songs and if that is so, you got it going on with this one dude. This song has got it together as far as I am concerned. Keep them coming dude. :D
Click to expand...

Thank you so much, Trump. Yup. This one was all me. Also, as far as rough takes go, I actually didn't put too much effort into the editing / mixing of this song. It was about a 3-day venture from start to finish. Guitars by far took the longest to figure out. Thanks for the kudos, dude.
 
Not too bad. I think the drums are a little too buried and the vocals are too processed and unintelligible. Bring the kick and snare up while leaving the rest of the kit alone. I wanna understand the words without having to read along, and I couldn't. Too much chorus/double tracking/reverb or whatever you got going on with the vocal tracks. The instrumentation is good. You could maybe trade a little bass volume for kick.

I was banned because the mods, who used to be our peers, had to make a new example out of someone. But I'm back now....for now.
 
Greg_L said:
Not too bad. I think the drums are a little too buried and the vocals are too processed and unintelligible. Bring the kick and snare up while leaving the rest of the kit alone. I wanna understand the words without having to read along, and I couldn't. Too much chorus/double tracking/reverb or whatever you got going on with the vocal tracks. The instrumentation is good. You could maybe trade a little bass volume for kick.

I was banned because the mods, who used to be our peers, had to make a new example out of someone. But I'm back now....for now.
Click to expand...
A bit off topic, but good to see you back Gerg
 
Welcome back Greg. Mods, every forum needs a Greg!

Anyway, to the song... I like it. Really good melody, great mood and I like the nonsense lyrics. It brought to mind that birdcage song by They Might be Giants. The piano riffs are great.
There's not a lot wrong with this in my view but the toms sound too fake to me and I'd bring down the cymbols. The vocals could come up a tad.

There's a bit of Stephen Merritt there too which is no bad thing.
 
I just gave it another listen - i still like it a lot :)

I didn't notice the "egg shakers line" but dude you got to put a shaker in there, kick it in right at that line!

And I agree with the vocal thing - it's possible the vocals just need a little high-mid boost so you can hear them clearer like Greg said.

It's got a nice kind of innocence to it - without being goofy though.

I'm sure you know just what I mean ;)
 
Cute song, Jason, reminds me of Weezer.
Your voice sounds pretty good here, it could be a little louder. Otherwise, I thought the mix sounded pretty good. Very good arrangement and performance.
 
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