Just started writing some lyrics( Am I on the right track?)

[Toddskins]

Hey guys,
I started writing some lyrics for one of my songs. Any suggestions?


THE WANDERER

All alone in my small town
Days drag by and I can’t sleep
I am restless and deep down
I make promises to keep

Chorus:
I want to see the world
Swim all its seas
Break all the walls, climb all the mountains
I want to see the world
Conquer the world
And one by one unwrap its wonders

I want to break away
Wander the world
And one by one unwrap its wonders
I want to see the world
Walk all its roads
Get lost and find my way, then wander

To be continued....

Cheers

Line 3:
"I am restless and deep down"

I would lose the word "and". It would create an ambiguity for the listener.

Are you restless deep down, or

deep down you make promises to keep.



Chorus:

Conquer the world


Sounds young to me. Try something else.

 

[A.D.Ryan]

Hey Ryan, I in fact do like writing lyrics and such. If you still need help, you can email me and I'll show you some of my lyrics, how they came to be, and kinda teach ya some cool things ha.

ThyNinja@gmail.com


Anyone can email me btw.

I`ve never met any ninjas who can write lyrics!) Cheers bro. I`ll send you an email

 

[A.D.Ryan]

I don't know why you'd even ask. They're your lyrics, write whatever you want. You don't need anyone's approval. If the music is good, you could sing total jibberish and it will work.

Greg, how right you are. But usually that works for dance music

 

[A.D.Ryan]

Line 3:
"I am restless and deep down"

I would lose the word "and". It would create an ambiguity for the listener.

Are you restless deep down, or

deep down you make promises to keep.



Chorus:

Conquer the world


Sounds young to me. Try something else.

Well, it was" Deep down, I make promises to keep. " Yeah I have to lose at least 50% of the lyrics