My CD's title song "October Sky"

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Strat1958

Strat1958

Late-blooming songwriter!
I wrote this back in October (duh) and it was my first songwriting effort. I used the imagery of the ever-changing October skies as a metaphor for how relationships change over time.

The slide guitar solo near the end was meant to convey both emotional pain and hope for the future...I tried a bunch of different solos before deciding on this one. I like how it sounds choked and restrained.

Anyway, have a listen, and I hope you enjoy it.

OCTOBER SKY
© 2008 by Mike Pilling

Remember when I said I loved you?
Remember when, so long ago?
Remember that it was October?
The misty days, the fire’s glow

The years go by, it’s complicated
The push, the pull, things come and go
Remember so many Octobers?
The ups, the downs, the highs and lows?

[CH]
And here we are, survivors on a long and twisting road
We change ourselves like the October sky, and help to carry each other’s load

Sometimes the sky is gloomy
Other times a crystal blue
The skies of all of those Octobers
Reflect the times of me and you

And now I look at you with wonder
Baby it’s been quite a ride
I’ve never lived such an October
We’ve come right out the other side

[CH]
And here we are, survivors on a long and twisting road
We change ourselves like the October sky, and help to carry each other’s load

SOLO

CHORUS 2X

FADE
 
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The solo works well....

....on top of the subdued rhythm line. What i like most about this tune is the way the lyrics never seems rushed, cramped, or crowded. Some of the lyric is a bit cliche' but it works very well in this type of song. Unhurried, subdued, and true to life...........the kind of thing you might hear at your local Starbucks. (I mean that in a good way.) Nice work, Mike.
 
Super good flow to the lyrics. I really think you hit the nail on the head with this one. Simple, effective, meaningful... Can't listen now but will listen later to the recording... :cool:
 
I never expected such kind comments; thank you!

ido1957, if possible, listen with headphones...it's the only way you'll hear the bongos!

-Mike
 
Finally got a chance to listen... sounds great! Yep - there's bongo's in there! The slide guitar is impressive.

One of the phrases reminds me of the title song from the Littlest Hobo - you probably remember that....watched that show many times...

You say you're a late blooming songwriter....can you expand on that. What's your musical background if you don't mind my asking.... :D
 
ido1957 said:
You say you're a late blooming songwriter....can you expand on that. What's your musical background if you don't mind my asking.... :D
Click to expand...
Well, without boring you too much, here is the timeline....

- Age 10, started playing guitar and singing, self taught
- Age 20, played the pubs for a living
- Age 25, a buddy stored his drums at my place for a year, so I taught myself how to play
- Age 30, taught myself piano, just well enough to accompany my singing
- Age 32, bought a bass
- Age 50, wrote my first song!

I had tried writing a few times in the past, and I always despised what came out. I am such an admirer of great music, that my own stuff sounded like $hit next to it. I was utterly convinced that people would outright laugh at my feeble attempts. I just could NOT get the creative process going. I gave up on it.

Then, this past October, I felt something shift inside me. I felt like I could just let the songs almost write themselves, and I decided not to be so critical of my work. The songs didn't have to be "perfect"! There are lots of technically "crappy" songs that have become hits, so why should I worry?

Once I decided that, I learned to love what I wrote. And guess what? It doesn't sound like $hit at all - I have burned a whole whack of CDs of my own songs, and my friends love it.

That's about it, I told you it was boring!!!!

-Mike
 
MY quick impressions of the song:

1 The song sets a tranquil relaxed mood, helped by that easy, unforced vocal delivery.

2 Instrumentally I would like to hear more variety. In part, the arrangement you have helps set the mood, but I personally prefer more musically interest throughout. For example, you might consider pulling out the arpegiated guitar during a verse.

3 The melody in the bit: "we change ourselves like the October sky" is not quite as convincing as that of the other parts of the chorus, and sounds like you were 'hunting' for the right notes.

4 I'd like you to see if you can come up with alternatives to 'road' and 'load' in the chorus. There are so many songs that talk about 'winding roads' and 'carrying loads' that these lines lose the impact they might otherwise have had.

5 The lead break works well. However, in line with my thirst for variety, yu might consider changing key for this; for example, raising it a tone.

6 I like the thinking behind this song; using October skies as a metaphor (great pic on soundclick, btw), and for the most part (apart from the 'road' and 'load' thing), you've managed to convey this lyrically very well.

[Edit] p.s. After having read my comments above, there is one other point to make, and it combines my observations in 2 and 6. October skies form the lyrical basis for the song, which is cool. What about injecting more of these skies into the music as well? My imagined October is red, russet and gold, with shimmery light and stillness of air, and winter around the corner. Yours might be different, but it is these characteristics I'd like to see reflected in the music.
 
Thank you, GZ, for your very helpful pointers. Feedback like this will really help me to improve as a songwriter and musician.

Thanks for taking the time to listen to the song so carefully.

-Mike
 
Strat1958 said:
I wrote this back in October (duh) and it was my first songwriting effort. I used the imagery of the ever-changing October skies as a metaphor for how relationships change over time.

The slide guitar solo near the end was meant to convey both emotional pain and hope for the future...I tried a bunch of different solos before deciding on this one. I like how it sounds choked and restrained.

Anyway, have a listen, and I hope you enjoy it.
Click to expand...

Hi Mike!

It's great seeing you here, my friend. I've been away on business a lot lately, so I have not had a lot of time to check in and participate on Homrecording or Jamstudio.

I know I don't need to tell you that I enjoy your songs. Hell, the ones you've posted are all in the very good to great range, and October Sky is no exception! I think your songwriting, guitar work, production skills, and voice are excellent.

BTW, there are only five or six people from the Jamstudio forum whom I regularly enjoy listening to, and you're certainly one of them. Keep up the good work!

Cheers,
Joseph
 
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Joseph, thanks for the kind words.

Of all the things I do musically, being called at least a "decent" songwriter is the most important to me.

This is because I didn't think I could ever write a song, and was filled with a lot of self-doubt in that regard. When I go to Soundclick and see that 50+ people have gone that extra step and actually downloaded my music to add to their iPod or whatever....well, that makes it all worthwhile for me :)

-Mike

PS: "Story Of Lies" is on regular rotation on my iPod! Love it.
 
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Strat1958 said:
Joseph, thanks for the kind words.

Of all the things I do musically, being called at least a "decent" songwriter is the most important to me.

This is because I didn't think I could ever write a song, and was filled with a lot of self-doubt in that regard. When I go to Soundclick and see that 50+ people have gone that extra step and actually downloaded my music to add to their iPod or whatever....well, that makes it all worthwhile for me :)

-Mike

PS: "Story Of Lies" is on regular rotation on my iPod! Love it.
Click to expand...

Our stories are somewhat alike, Mike. I also enjoy the songwriting aspect first and foremost and get the most enjoyment from the songwriting process. I really admire the fact that you taught yourself to play several instruments.

For years, I was limited to writing songs "in my head", but when I discovered Jamstudio online in 2007, it allowed me to actually create full demos, which I was unable to do before. That further encouraged me to re-learn to play the acoustic guitar -- I took lessons as a young guy, but eventually, I opted for sports and abandoned the idea of playing.

My biggest goal right now is to become faster at changing chords so that I can play on my own songs. I usually work out the basic chords for my songs using my guitar, and then transcribe them into Jamstudio and add additional instruments. My second biggest goal, musically, is to become more adept at drum programming. I can do it, but it is very time consuming. I need to become faster and more skilled.

I learn a lot by hanging around the Songwriting forum. There are a lot of very skilled folks here with a lot of talent.

Oh, and thanks for the kind words about "Story of Lies". :)

Cheers,
Joseph
 
I think of ways to increase the gusto of this piece. GZ said raise a cple of steps up in the chorus. It does need some changes happening.
Merge the notes on the guitar lead. Each note picked doesn't sound the best. Needs some more layers of sound in there. Also, bring the lead into the versus too. Toms hard and hitting to get the end of verses stamping out. Some slight alterations in rhythm and volume with the hats. The hats / cymbals / taps are too consistent.
The lyrics have a certain pentameter that is good. Got rhythm within the lyrics. Just have to emphasize and phrase harder vocally. And BVs necessary to create fullness in chorus sections.
It needs a bit of grunge.
You know, this song could be quite rocky.
 
Thanks for the feedback, nz...however, I don't really want the song to rock! I was aiming for a lazy, laid back vibe with a subtle, shuffling beat.

If you want to hear a grungier side of me...click my Soundclick link below and listen to "Walkin The Talk". Rock n roll baby!!!!
 
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