your goals

L

Layla Nahar

New member
Hello,

Do you all remember we made some top 10 goals for 2005? Wondering how everybody is doing?

I've revised mine to some things a bit more abstract. My mother is getting alzheimers and my sisters are being difficult. My revised goals/resolutions are as follows.

1) Not to let my mother's illness and my sisters demands sap all my life and energy.

2) To spend more time day to day practicing - playing with reason, playing with sound design, and practicing my guitar repertoire.

3) To spend more time working on programming (gotta get my chops back so I can get a programming job again after a 3 year hiatus)

4) this one is more abstract - and depends on #2 - working on being less creatively blocked and better at getting what is within out, by not having expectations, and not seriously beating myself up as I try to create. I should experiment, and work on being free and on not having expectations, and on enjoying it. This is my toughest battle. As soon as I sit down to do the one thing I really want to do, all those doubts and unpleasant voices start, and remind me how stupid and useless this music thing is for me to be doing. I really hate this compulsion and want to be rid of it. Any suggestions would be really helpful.

5) Not neglecting paperwork & beurocracy stuff right away - not letting it sit in my to do box till it bites me in the ass

6) I'm still on track to play on open mike in april. I'll be going with my bf to a couple this month. I do have to do a bit more practicing, though.

So, how is everybody else doing on thier goals?

Layla
 
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Still struggling with my list of lists I need to make. My goals are more toward my military retirement and subsiquent life afterward, with music on the back burner, still simmering....
 
funny, isn't it, how even though music is the most important thing, (so we say) but we keep putting it on the back burner... maybe it's age, that we need to pay bills ... I have a girlfreind who wants to be a photographer, but instead she is on the Arts Council for her city, helping others do thier art, instead of doing her own...
 
Layla Nahar said:
funny, isn't it, how even though music is the most important thing, (so we say) but we keep putting it on the back burner...
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There are things in life that seem very urgent, and there are things in life that are important. I try to never let the urgent things overshadow the important things.

A telephone ringing sounds very urgent, but the phone call is almost never important. Have you ever ignored a ringing phone becuase you were having a great conversation w/ someone you love? It' s a great feeling.

There a tons of urgent things in life that can cause us to lose track of the important stuff, and tons of stuff that we think we need and spend time chasing after that we don't really need. When I die I won't regret having lived a frugal life if I know I spent every moment possible w/ my wife and kids and persuing my dreams.

When I set goals for myself I always try to keep this stuff in mind.

A
 
Aaron Cheney said:
There are things in life that seem very urgent, and there are things in life that are important.

A
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Funny, I'm really good with ignoring the phone & the like - I actually have my head on right for a lot of things - like not wasting my life in an office, not getting trapped with a mortgage and kids. One small problem is that I actually ignore some urgent things when I should take care of them.

My real problem is that I destroy myself sooo much when I try to do the one thing I want to do - music. Right now I'm fiddling around, just trying to keep in mind that I'm playing with reason to learn more, to excercise my techical & musical chops and to gently let my connection with self expression grow - yet all I can do is curse myself for how lousy my creatife musical taste is - 'oh that sounds like doug e fresh, like mary j blige' - not like what I want it to sound like, 'oh that piano line sounds like a 1000 other piano lines, not very good piano lines'. The music that I'm making right now, it's not me - its not what I want to be making - and so I kill myself on the very thing I want to make me happy. So frusatrating. I'd really like to make music that satisfies me, and sound like what I want it to sound like. But I guess its unrealistic to expect to start at that point. I don't know. I get so confused.

My boyfreind says that he's never suffered from this, and he hadn't even heard of it until he moved to boston. He's from alaska, rural getto, yet all the people around him are so creative, and none of them suffer from the beat-yourself-up creative block thing. Apparently people just take shit up, photograpy, music etc just to have something to do.

as soon as I write something I hate it. bummer. mostly because most of what i do is so sucky. :(

If you have any advice about how to get out of that bind, I would surely appreciate it.
 
Sounds like you're in the same frame of mind I was many years ago. You want to write certain kinds of songs or play in certain styles, but your natural musical voice and style are different. I spent years trying to sing like a hard-rocker and play guitar like Eddie Van Halen. I often got frustrated because I could play and sing write good songs, but not the kinds I wanted to.

It finally dawned on me that I was banging my head against a wall, just doing paradies; not exactly Wierd Al paradies, but paradies none the less... just copies of other people's styles. Once I realized it, I decided to give up what I wanted and write/sing/play in the styles/genres that suited my natural abilities and musical predispositions.

So now, I'm writing country songs (something I thought I'd never do) and singing rockabilly, which suits my natural singing voice well. The beauty part is that I'm having far more success than I ever had doing the other stuff. I believe it's because I'm doing those things which I'm naturally better at and people sense that the songs/performances/etc are genuine.

Feeling this way is not unique. Paul Simon has been quoted as saying he hates the kinds of songs he writes. The single hardest thing for anyone to do is something they don't feel like doing. It's tough to give up the things you want, but that's what makes a marriage work....er, I mean ...

What forum is this? :D

A
 
Layla

You sound like somebody whose musical pursuits are driven by a sense of ACHIEVING, and not by a sense of enjoyment of BEING. There's nothing wrong with this, I just wanted to point it out. It's a bit like the Saturday morning tennis group - some (like me) just enjoy an excuse to get out and run around a hit a ball in the fresh air, while others feel that if they don't win every set it's a disaster.

There will always be a better tennis player, there will always be a "better" songwriter. Unless you're doing it professionally, what does it matter? Having a couple of targets is OK, but I would step back a bit and enjoy it for its own sake, remembering that what you're actually producing doesn't matter, you're on a journey and it's the view out of the window that matters.

In other words my view is the same as your partner's Alaskan approach - and I don't think you can argue that it produces anything less worthwhile in the long run :)
 
Garry Sharp said:
OK, that implies you got the drift of the rest of my post. How about changing your approach?
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sigh - that's what I'm trying to do. That's what I've been trying to do on & off for 20 years. Its just that as soon as I sit down to do something creative I get stuck in a feedback loop of, well, self-hatred that drags me down and slows me to barely a crawl, where I could and should be having a nice stroll, as you say, enjoying the journey. I've been working on replacing negative self talk with constructive self talk, but that part that wants to undermine me is so strong, and the closer I get to my goals the stronger it gets!

I actually made a list of things I can say to myself in response to nasty things that pop into my head. Its about 50 items long! I'm actually doing some writing today, and I've just opened up the file with all those thoughts on it. Some days it works. But damm that "you are worthless and will never get anywhere" voice that is so insistant on ruining my happiness!

I guess I'll have to work a bit harder on trying to ignore that and pick up some of the things I've started and keep working on them. It makes me a bit sad, to think that If my mind didn't do this to me, if I didin't do it to myself, I'd be a lot furthur on...

I keep hoping that I'll be free of this negative voice, its really awful and makes me really miserable. maybe it will always be there, always taunting me. Maybe I will just have to learn to keep at it in spite of the rotten way it makes me feel. Maybe any creative endeavour I get in will always have this heavy negativity alongside it, and I will just have to learn to persist in spite of it. That kind of sucks, and it makes everything so hard, but I guess its better than giving up again. (about 10 years ago I stopped trying to do anything creative. I told myself I was not creative, and that the dream of being creative was just hurting me - but it (music) kept coming back ...)

you guys are all really great for listening and giving me suggestions and encouragement. I still haven't found the answer to make me free. Maybe the answer is really just accepting that I can't be free of it ... I dunno.


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ps: I just went and read your original message again -- this:

"You sound like somebody whose musical pursuits are driven by a sense of ACHIEVING, and not by a sense of enjoyment of BEING. "

is useful. "enjoyment of being" is a big problem for me.
 
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Garry Sharp said:
OK, that implies you got the drift of the rest of my post. How about changing your approach?
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My appoach has always been for the fun of it.... I didn't spend the hundreds or thousands on eqipment like some have. I got what I needed to put ideas on a medium, and I went for it. Possibly down the road, I would get into it more seriously, but right now, it's a hobby. I have fun with it. And every great once in awhile, I produce something that I am proud of. But 90% of it are throwaways. I am getting better at mixing, and better at recording. I just wish I was improving as a singer (need a few vocal lessons, I think). That will come.
I have plans to build a studio for recording others in the future. But I want to hone my chops before I start doing that. I will probably have to do a few gratis sessions to get my name out, but I expect that....

Time will tell. For now, I don't set goals for my music, because life is still on my ass to make a living...
 
Aaron Cheney said:
I decided to give up what I wanted and write/sing/play in the styles/genres that suited my natural abilities and musical predispositions.
A
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why were you doing the van halen type stuff? Also, do you feel the stuff that suits your abilities really expresses *you*?
 
Hmmm...I wanted to be a rock singer when I was young. I discovered 10 years ago that I could sing country pretty well. Wish I would have cultivated that earlier. Oh well :D

Update on my goals...

Jagular said:
1. I will write at least 12 good songs in 2005. I am a slow writer. To do this I will need to partition off more time for myself to write. It won't be easy, but I need to work on my output. This is the same as last year and I have to make this a HUGE priority this year. If I am going to get anywhere close to where I would like to be I need to up my output. I hope this is a breakthrough year for this.
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I’ve got two in the bag already, should have another done by the end of the month. On target so far.

Jagular said:
2. I will do a lot more co-writing this year. I intend to set up one 3 hour co-writing session each week on top of my 3 hour solo writing session I schedule each week. Being realistic, there will be weeks that I can’t do both sessions, but I want to make sure I do this the majority of weeks. This also gets me another step up the pyramid in the “Your First Cut” book which I highly recommend if anyone wants to pursue writing commercially. I will write with at least 8 other writers in 2005.
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I haven’t set up any weekly appointments yet, but I have a couple scheduled or about to be scheduled. One with a darn good writer who I met on the net and lives right here in Nashville. I have already co-written two songs this year and a third by the end of the month. Working on several others currently as well.

Jagular said:
3. I will meet with and pitch songs to at least 5 publishers in 2005. I am looking to take some of the more “informal” relationships I have started and turn them into more “formal” meetings. I know at least 3 I could probably call right now to get a sit down meeting. Getting a pitch meeting with two others will probably mean contacting a LOT of them. I will probably start this more toward the second half of the year because I want to get some more quality songs in my pocket first.
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Haven’t gotten totally geared up on this yet. I did, however, get my song “The One” fully demoed and someone who heard it gave me contact info for a big dog in the biz and I have communicated with him. He gave me permission to submit songs and he said he would listen and get back to me. Songs have been submitted and I am now waiting for his response. That’s one major league pitch, so I guess I’m on target.

Jagular said:
4. I would like to play a writers’ round every other week. Realistically know I will have to miss some, but I would like that to be the target. I would like to play at least 20 writers’ rounds in 2005 (that’s every other week minus a few).
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So far I’ve played 2 this year with one more scheduled for the end of this month and one in mid March. Kinda sorta on target, but need to watch it.

Jagular said:
5. I would like to sign at least one single song contract in 2005. I am not going to sign anything shuffled in front of me by any old publisher. It has to be a “quality” publisher as determined by my research of them. That doesn’t mean it has to be EMI, but it does mean they are not a fly by night operation with no contacts in the business. I am willing to sign with young, hard working, small publishers as long as I get a reasonable reversion.
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Nothing yet. Maybe Mr. Big will give me one ;) :D (not holding my breath, just hoping to get a chance to start a relationship)

Jagular said:
6. I will audition for the Bluebird again this year. I may wait until October again and really work on getting my act together. I will seek out the expertise of some folks I know here in town that are help folks with this sort of thing and work on crafting “the” song that knocks the judges out. I will consider this goal met, again by doing the audition and exceeded if I pass.
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N/A – waiting until October.

So far so good, but I need to keep the momentum going!!!
 
Jag has immediate pro ambitions (and best of luck to you Jag). DO you also Layla?

Me, I'm in the Rokket camp - I see it the way he does.

Nothing wrong with either but the Alaskan approach seems so cool (ahem..) to me.
 
Thank you Layla & Gary.

Gary is right. That is what I'm aiming at. I'm still shooting at a 1000 yard target with a 38 special, but I keep inching my way in closer to the target as I go :D There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing it just for fun. In fact I'm doing it because I love to do it. I also am really enjoying getting to know folks who have the same ambitions I do or have already been there. If I didn't enjoy it I wouldn't be able to keep this up. It is pretty grueling with family & job respsonsibilities and trying to do this with what ever spare time I have available. But I wouldn't have it any other way (family or writing).

:D
 
Garry Sharp said:
Jag has immediate pro ambitions (and best of luck to you Jag). Do you also Layla?
Me, I'm in the Rokket camp - I see it the way he does.
Nothing wrong with either but the Alaskan approach seems so cool (ahem..) to me.
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I would like to have pro ambitions one day - but I got to get over my negative thinking that gets in my way. My Alaskan friend, oddly enough, has very strong pro ambitions. But he was able to get to a point where he could be that way because he started off with all his friends as a teenager doing something fun with his free time.
 
Many wise words here. Layla; that "voice" comes to many of us. Telling us it doesn't work; you can't produce stuff and so on. Leave it. You can't argue with yourself's worst expectations. Allow yourself to 'say' - "hey; just wait and see! I'm gonna show you all. You'll have to eat those words one of these days."
Don't let it bring you down.
And as long as this doesn't become your everyday mantra, shouting it out loud to everyone; it shouldn't get you in any trouble should the success still wait a year or two until it knocks on your door. :)

And since I didn't state my goal in the former thread; here they are:
Becoming a songwriter team in a Swedish/Norwegian songwriting house together with my fellow co-writer. Getting a record deal with the 21 year old female potential artist that I'm now writing together with. I don't think any of these goals will be fullfilled in 2005. Aiming for 2006. It's a long way to walk when you just started songwriting :)
I'll keep you updated.
Good luck everyone. Don't lose the grip of your dreams.
 
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Emusic said:
Mine: Becoming a songwriter team in a Swedish/Norwegian songwriting house together with my fellow co-writer. Getting a record deal with the 21 year old female potential artist that I'm now writing together with. I don't think any of these goals will be fullfilled in 2005. Aiming for 2006. It's a long way to walk when you just started songwriting :)
I'll keep you updated.
Good luck everyone. Don't lose the grip of your dreams.
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Judging by what I heard in the clinic, I'd say you were closer to your goal than you think. That girl has a great voice, and your songwriting is much stronger than you think it is....
 
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