Something to shout about (lyrics input please)

F

Freddy

New member
I've had some useful help on lyric polishing here in the past, so wondered if I could call on you again :)

Something to shout about

Halfway up a mountain in my city shoes
No reason to be here, nothing to lose
These hills were formed by oceans, and this land was under sea
And this path was formed by many shoes who walked here before me
And aren’t we all touched by the divine – sometimes?
And aren’t we all guilty of some crime – sometimes?
And don’t we all sometimes need
Something to believe?

Something to shout about, something to die for
Believe in with no doubt about the wherefore and the why for
Some kind of greater goal, something to touch the soul
Something to make us whole, something to try for,
Something to try for.

I’m halfway looking for you, and I’m halfway looking home
Halfway found and halfway lost and halfway all alone
These hills were formed by oceans, and this land was under sea
And my life was formed by legends who walked this path before me
And aren’t we all touched by the divine – sometimes?
And aren’t we all guilty of some crime – sometimes?
And don’t we all sometimes need
Someone to believe?

Someone to shout about, someone to die for
Believe in with no doubt about the wherefore and the why for
Someone to touch our soul, someone to make us whole
Someone to play the role of somebody to try for
Somebody to try for

I’m halfway up a mountain in my city shoes
No reason to be here, nothing to lose.


Thanks for any input :)
 
just came across this and figured i'd give it a crack - you'l probably hate it, but you asked for it : )

Overall i like the tone of it, and the fact that its not trite or overwrought. The only over all problem i have is that its a little "wordy" - it seems like this would be a mouthful for whoever the singer will be. also, some of the words and their combinations sounded a little cluttered ("greater goal", formed, "and arent we all") so i tok the liberty of changing 'em - like i said, you asked for it : )



Halfway up a mountain in my city shoes
No reason to be here, nothing to lose
these hills were cut by oceans, this land was under sea
And this path was beat by many who came here before me
we are all touched by the divine – sometimes
we are all guilty of some crime – sometimes
don’t we all sometimes need
Something to believe?

Something to shout about, something to die for
Believe in with no doubt about the wherefore and the why for
something to touch the soul, Some way to lose control
Something to make us whole, something to try for,
Something to try for.

halfway looking for you, halfway looking home
Halfway found and halfway lost and all the way alone

jm
 
Hey, that's exactly what I asked for! Thanks :)

I love some of those suggestions. I need to sing it through a bit (it came right off the page onto here in the early hours of morning) but I'm pretty sure I'm going to use most of your suggestions.

Thanks again!
 
Freddy said:
Something to shout about, something to die for
Believe in with no doubt about the wherefore and the why for
Some kind of greater goal, something to touch the soul
Something to make us whole, something to try for,
Something to try for.
Click to expand...
The hook/title isn't repeated on this. The last line you repeated just threw me off a bit....I like the second line - good meter and the repeated word "about" works very well - so does the "wherefore" phrase.

Freddy said:
I’m halfway looking for you, and I’m halfway looking home
Halfway found and halfway lost and halfway all alone

And my life was formed by legends who walked this path before me
Click to expand...
Again, the repeated word "halfways" works really well. Gives it a built in sort of funky feel to it. "Legends" line is very cool......

Good suggestions from previous poster. This reads well overall - good meter and phrasing. I'll keep an eye out for updates to the song.....

:) :D :) :D
 
Thanks again.

I made a few changes. Some bits I stuck with, as they fit the music I have. I will try and post a rough shape (live, with no arrangement) soon - my daughter is revising in my recording space at the moment.

Halfway up a mountain in my city shoes
No reason to be here, nothing much to lose
These hills were cut by oceans, and this land was under sea
This path was beat by many feet that walked here before me
And aren’t we all
Touched by the divine – sometimes?
And aren’t we all
Looking for a sign – sometimes?
And don’t we all
Sometimes need
Something to believe?

Something to shout about, something to die for
Believe in with no doubt about the wherefore and the why for
Something to touch the soul, some way to lose control
Something to make us whole, something to try for.

Halfway looking for you, halfway looking home
Halfway lost and halfway found and halfway all alone
These hills were cut by oceans, and this land was under sea
My life is shaped by legends who walked this path before me
And aren’t we all
Touched by the divine – sometimes?
And aren’t we all
Guilty of some crime – sometimes?
And don’t we all
Sometimes need
Someone to believe?

Someone to shout about, someone to die for
Believe in with no doubt about the wherefore and the why for
Someone to touch our soul, someone to make us whole
Someone to play the role of somebody to try for

I’m halfway up a mountain in my city shoes
I’ve no reason to be here, and nothing much to lose


Edit: Hmm, thinking of maybe using these lines in a late bridge now, inserted just before the last 2 lines:

Possible bridge:
Things always start looking up, when you stop looking down
Your eyes can see much further when not focused on the ground
Like I can’t see tomorrow when I’m focused on today
Or I can’t enjoy the lovely view, this mountain’s in the way
And aren’t we all
Touched by the divine – sometimes?
And aren’t we all
Looking for a sign – sometimes?
And don’t we all
Sometimes need
A little help?
Yes, indeed.
 
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Well, I promised a rough take, and here it is, bum notes, warts and all - with apologies for the vocals (that even cause me to laugh out loud at one point).

I managed to grab an hour when my daughter was having lunch and just used a dynamic mic and DIed the acoustic. To be honest, I was just happy to (almost) remember the lyrics.

Hmm.. not sure I should really record stuff til I have it rehearsed and am ready - but hey, ho, hopefully it's enough to see where it is going so far.

Edit: now new version..
 
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I had to chuckle when I heard you laughing.... :D

It's a good idea to record once you have the basic feel for a song. That way if your busy life catches up to you, you still have something to help you remember.

You play amazingly well - love the fingerpicking. It's especially impressive as you are doing it while you are singing...

Good flavor to the song/melody, very catchy. It's still going through my head while I type this. Your voice has a nice tone to it that suits the style you write in.

I think my favorite part is the section with the "- sometimes"... very nicely crafted phrasing there.

The bridge being at the end worked well, it was time for the ending about there. The lines you repeated about the shoes was perfect. That brought the whole song full circle - nice touch.

:cool: :D :cool: :D
 
That's very kind of you - we both know it was pretty rough :)... I'd send you some greenies but apparently I have to spread the love first.

I think it will help though when I come to do it properly (you know, tune the guitar, use a metronome, know the words etc :) ) .

Funny you should mention the picking. Only yesterday my daughter said "I hate listening to you, because you can do that "picky" thing and I can't". I replied, "Well, I hate listening to you, because you can do that "strummy" thing and I can't" .. and she plays the sax too (wish I could!).

Anyhow, I took her back to uni tonight (boo!).. which means I get my recording room back (hooray!)

Edit: I played with it a bit and rendered in stereo, which helped a little (not great, but a bit better).

 
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Hey Freddy,

Some nice moments in that for sure. It kind of has a Nick Drake vibe to me. Are you a fan?

I thought the delayed word "sometimes" in the chorus lent an awkwardness to the phrasing a bit, but that's just me.

I too like the repeating of the first line at the end; it definitely does tie it together well.

:)
 
I never really listened to Nick Drake, but just went and checked him out at Last.fm. I do like that. I think I may need to get some of his stuff. Thanks :)

I found that this song is easier to sing capoed a bit lower. One of these days I need to sit down and record some songs properly, and I think that this "knock one off quick" approach is useful to prepare for that.

It also gives a different, and very useful, type of feedback - and thank you for yours :)
 
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