Opinions please!~acoustic song and lyrics

E

Eldee

New member
Hi All,

I was just wondering if anyone out there was able to give me an honest opinion to an original song of mine. I write a lot of music, and play a lot to, but I don't actually get out and play much publicly. So I thought I would use this forum to see if there is any public interest in the type of music I play. It's a pretty average recording just in my loungeroom but it should give you a pretty good idea of my music, style and composition.

youtube.com/watch?v=lYYmG2JjeGY

Thankyou so much to anyone who takes the time to have a look and give me an opinion without trolling.

Yes it's a break up song, but its reflective of life in general too :)

THANKS!

Here are the lyrics as I know the recording quality isn't great. Please still listen though as I think melody is incredibly important in highlighting meaning in songs

You were my first love
You were my best friend
Promise I'd be there
until the very end

I'm turning the pages
Remembering places
Where we would go
When the world seemed to serious
For us

I'm starting to see now
We can't all be perfect
I'm sorry it took this long
To discover it

We live in the shadows
Of everyone's triumphs
I guess this time you and I
We're just left behind
Again

We can believe that life's so beautiful all the time
We can believe that every choice we makes just fine
We can be creatures of a fantasy gone wild
But you and I
Still had to say goodbye

In a world full of violence
Where nobody smiles
You were the one thing on earth
That was good for me

And it's nobody's business
To measure our happiness
But on the scales you'd outweigh
The monsters in my mind

We can believe that life's so beautiful all the time
We can believe that every choice we make's just fine
We can be creatures of a fantasy gone wild
But you and I
Still had to say goodbye

We can believe that life's so beautiful all the time
We can believe that every choice we make's just fine
We can be creatures of a fantasy gone wild

But you and I
Still had to say

Did you and I
Really have to say goodbye?
 
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Eldee said:
Click to expand...


Posted the video for you. ^^^

I quite like it, nice song. It reminded me and the wife of The Scientist by Coldplay when we listened to it first thing this morning. Similar progression and style of lyrics/melody at the beginning. It would be nice to hear a better recording of it than the camera audio here. It doesn't really do it justice. Some of the lyrics are really difficult to decipher.

Nice playing, voice and song though. :thumbs up:
 
Thankyou so much, I really love The Scientist so that means a lot thankyou. I've posted the lyrics into the original post because yes I agree quality makes it a bit difficult. Thankyou very much for your contribution!
 
Sounds like you have quite a bit of talent. I would also like to hear it with better quality.

Have you the desire to invest in some recording gear? There are many here that will help you if you wish to get better recordings. Myself included.

If not, that is cool too. It would be nice to be able to hear the detail and emotion of your voice without the issues that the room and whatever you are recording with is giving.

If I were living on the continent you are on, I would invite you to my studio for a free recording. :)
 
I should be able to record some songs over the next couple of month. I have some half ok gear but a friend has offered to record me with some of his stuff in a studio. So hopefully I'll get some tracks before too long :) I'll make sure I post them up if I do.
Thanks for your input! :)
 
OK, I'll beg to differ. You wanted honest....

You can sing (as far as I can hear from that awful sound, although I suspect you're not very strong in the lower register) and I like the melody, but I don't think the melody is enough to overcome what's a fairly average set of lyrics - if your intended audience is 15 year old girls and standard non-specific teen angst then it sort of works, but anyone older I don't think is going to come along for the ride. Hey, maybe you are a 15 year old girl, in which case, don't get me wrong, it's nice inoffensive 15 year old girl music.

You think melody is important.... good, it is, but not to the exclusion of everything else.

The song construction is standard singer songwriter chord 2, 3, 4 strum 2, 3, 4 stuff - nothing particularly new or interesting under the sun.

If you took up your guitar a year ago and this is your first song, I'd say "Nice first effort, now try harder. Do something different." I can hear this stuff at any singer songwriter night at any pub at any time. And I never remember it.

Don't be offended - it's just my opinion. I'm a hard marker, but you need people like me sometimes. I'm not as globally encouraging of people who want to play music as most of the others who've commented, shall we say.

You're Australian yes? Where from?
 
Armistice said:
OK, I'll beg to differ. You wanted honest....

You can sing (as far as I can hear from that awful sound, although I suspect you're not very strong in the lower register) and I like the melody, but I don't think the melody is enough to overcome what's a fairly average set of lyrics - if your intended audience is 15 year old girls and standard non-specific teen angst then it sort of works, but anyone older I don't think is going to come along for the ride. Hey, maybe you are a 15 year old girl, in which case, don't get me wrong, it's nice inoffensive 15 year old girl music.

You think melody is important.... good, it is, but not to the exclusion of everything else.

The song construction is standard singer songwriter chord 2, 3, 4 strum 2, 3, 4 stuff - nothing particularly new or interesting under the sun.

If you took up your guitar a year ago and this is your first song, I'd say "Nice first effort, now try harder. Do something different." I can hear this stuff at any singer songwriter night at any pub at any time. And I never remember it.

Don't be offended - it's just my opinion. I'm a hard marker, but you need people like me sometimes. I'm not as globally encouraging of people who want to play music as most of the others who've commented, shall we say.

You're Australian yes? Where from?
Click to expand...

How did you know she was Australian?
 
Armistice said:
OK, I'll beg to differ. You wanted honest....

You can sing (as far as I can hear from that awful sound, although I suspect you're not very strong in the lower register) and I like the melody, but I don't think the melody is enough to overcome what's a fairly average set of lyrics - if your intended audience is 15 year old girls and standard non-specific teen angst then it sort of works, but anyone older I don't think is going to come along for the ride. Hey, maybe you are a 15 year old girl, in which case, don't get me wrong, it's nice inoffensive 15 year old girl music.

You think melody is important.... good, it is, but not to the exclusion of everything else.

The song construction is standard singer songwriter chord 2, 3, 4 strum 2, 3, 4 stuff - nothing particularly new or interesting under the sun.

If you took up your guitar a year ago and this is your first song, I'd say "Nice first effort, now try harder. Do something different." I can hear this stuff at any singer songwriter night at any pub at any time. And I never remember it.

Don't be offended - it's just my opinion. I'm a hard marker, but you need people like me sometimes. I'm not as globally encouraging of people who want to play music as most of the others who've commented, shall we say.

You're Australian yes? Where from?
Click to expand...


I would take Armi's comments to heart. His genuine honesty has much to do with what I feel myself and what you should look to further your skills. I am not so direct in my personality with new members but I would agree with everything he said.

I am just guessing that Armi does not have a daughter. I hope when mine posts her first song that he will be as honest with her as he was with you. :)
 
I'm from country Victoria. Thanks for your honesty, definitely appreciated. That's why I would get opinions on here instead of from family and friends. I do play much harder songs but this is the song I wanted the opinion on. The problem is, you say you can hear this kind of singer songwriter stuff at the pub, but that's the music I really love. Out of interest, could you give me a song with what you would consider good lyrics?
thanks!
 
jimmys69 said:
How did you know she was Australian?
Click to expand...

The guitar Jimmy, a Maton M325 perhaps? Can't tell as it's not all visible - could be higher or lower, there are about 5 in the dreadnaught range from the 225 to the Messiah. Not even sure it's a dreadnaught, but the gold stylized M on the pickguard is a giveaway and they usually use lighter (in colour) Australian timber sides than "overseas" guitars...

No self respecting Australian acoustic guitarist doesn't have at least one Maton in the locker... :D
 
Eldee said:
I'm from country Victoria. Thanks for your honesty, definitely appreciated. That's why I would get opinions on here instead of from family and friends. I do play much harder songs but this is the song I wanted the opinion on. The problem is, you say you can hear this kind of singer songwriter stuff at the pub, but that's the music I really love. Out of interest, could you give me a song with what you would consider good lyrics?
thanks!
Click to expand...

Hey good Eldee.... like I said, take me with a pinch of salt if you like but don't discard what I say out of hand either...

There are millions of songs with great lyrics. I don't much listen to pop music these days so I can't think of anything in particular re. break up tunes, except the ones I write, of course.. :-)

It's not that what you're doing is bad, I'm just not finding it different from anything else I've heard before. If this, as you say, isn't particularly representative of what you do, and I was listening to your album and this came on I might think "Nice ballad" and leave it at that as there'd be a wider context. It's nice, it's pleasant, if that's your aim, well done, you've achieved it. And just maybe I'm too old and cranky to listen to songs of young love lost anymore, so like I said, if it works for you good. It's just all a bit literal to me... I crave a little abstraction and powerful words that make me wonder exactly what the song's about so that I can imprint myself on it. So it's not completely clear. But I'm weird like that.

It's a nice story, but why would anyone else be interested in it? is the question I'd ask.

I'll go away now... welcome to the site, apart from me they're a nice bunch here, and generally very helpful. Jimmy'll produce your album for you if you ask him nicely.... :thumbs up: And if you want to hear an original female voice & songs around here, look up fritsthegirl's work.. and there are others. Make me remember you. Be different. See you 'round.:laughings:

Jimmy - no man, no daughters, or sons - I'm only 11, remember... :D
 
Without being able to watch/listen to the youtube right now (I'm at work), the lyrics didn't grab me, reading them they didn't seem too rhythmical or structured well (but the way they are sung CAN change that). I'd suggest you look at taking a songwriting class (coursera.com has a free Berklee Music School class, I think the next one starts in October) or join a songwriting group - I've done both and it's a real help.
 
You have the desire! Drop the camcorder and get one of these>>TASCAM DP-008EX.
This is what you need. It has built in mics but you can also use external mics (maybe borrow).
Check it out>>You will use this unit from now on>> quality is great and you can use it to record
an idea before you forget it. Also record and double track vocals.
It will be the best song writing tool you will ever have.
Good Luck Babe!!
 
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