New Song-Please critique

Valiance7,
What's that on the table of elements?
Nice intro - I was hoping the rad panning of the 3 note riff might ease off in time - it's effective but the effect gets to overkill.
The intro actually reminded me of Yazoo's Only You - it is that blipping retro electro good.
The rattle on the snare after the chorus is just a little bit too much like beads on the surface. I like the fact that it's not a super snare etc but it's pretty well up in the mix & therefor all detail is shown - maybe you could chorus it to smooth that part out.
When the vocal 1st comes in I expected something else to give way a little to make room for it but it just went in on top. I reckon you should pull a couple of the keys back just a tiny bit to accommodate the voice.
The guitar (or sample?) chords take it to another place entirely - well done. BUT the guitar lead line is a little disappointing after the chords. Maybe fade it at 5.00 or come up with a killer line.
I reckon you could've reprised more of the intro for the outro - cliched I know but it was really effective.
The harmony vox are nifty too.
Well done all around - a song & texture cycle all in one. I didn't actually catch the lyrics, maybe you should post them...
Top Job
Cheers
rayC
 
Last edited:
RayC Thanks for the comments. I agree with some of your suggestions and will try to make some small changes.

The lyrics are:

You naughtily say, "I"m ready to go"
"Tonight I'm your Angel with out her Halo"
You say, "Pray on me, cast off all your sins"
Where your body ends is where your soul begins

So cliched, but hold me
cuz we all want to be
somebody innocent

She said, "Baby aren't you worried about me?"
"I'm a Seraphim whose burnt off all her wings"
She looked right at me please let me in
There's no difference between prayer and this sin

Yeah you talk it up
But can you back it up
Yeah you talk it up
But can you back it up

Bly
 
Nice tune. I dig the odd snare sound, fitting for this kind of electro popish song... If that's what you call it? :confused: Very well done.

Ben
 
Hi

Very nice song. I don't like the snare sound. Yes, that kind of song need a special snare sound but I would look for something else.

Very nice work.

Jack Real.
 
I am fond of the song, but the vocal pitch correction is really irritating.

Great lyrics and arrangement. Doubling up on the backround vox will give them a little more air.


Yeah, I'm diggin' on this.

-Casey
 
I love this song. The only thing that is irritating to me is the vibes, or whatever that is. It is standing out in the mix, is very distracting from everything else. They sound good, just a bit too forward. Anyway on my system it is.

I also like the build up in the song. Good intro.

I love your dueling vocal at the end. :)

I think you have a very good song here.

True :)
 
Everyone,

Thanks so much for your comments. I've been working hard for a song that I think is good enough to really start promoting and I'm thinking that with this I'm getting close.

True-eurt- I agree with you on the Chimes. I think I'm going to try some selective EQ to try and tame some of their harshness. I don't think they're too loud necessarily but the upper mids I think are a little too harsh.

Supercreep- vocal correction...what can I say. I wish I was a better singer but for now I think I have to make the trade off of using the correction. I'm going to get some vox lessons soon!

jack real and emergency- thanks for the comments. I like the snare sound which was obtained with some pretty fierce compression. However, I might lower it's velocity on several of the hits as with a lower velocity it sounds a little more normal I think

Everyone thanks for the comments I can't say how much I appreciate the feedback and you taking your time to listen!! If anyone else has remarks/feedback please keep it coming!!!!!!

B
 
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