Your Forever (Is Shorter Than Mine)

[mjr]

Thoughts? Opinions? Critiques?

In the chorus, I originally had a different 3rd line. I changed it to what it is now.

Your Forever (Is Shorter Than Mine)
© 2008

V1:
You told me you'd love me forever
I thought you meant for all time
Then you left, told me good bye
Your forever is shorter than mine.

Ch:
My forever is till the end of time
yours is just till you change your mind
now I understand, I realize,
Your Forever Is Shorter Than Mine.

V2:
I thought your love would be true
I promised forever, and you did too
But now you're gone, left me behind
Your forever is shorter than mine.

Chorus x 2

 

[mikeh]

I very much like the basic concept - and the title is a great hook.

I like that it is non-gender specific.

The 1st two lines of the chorus are really good (in particular line two) - although verse two does seem a little weak and rather redundant (since, it's already established that he/she has left.

This deserves a re-write....but the concept of different a different forever is something that has not been overdone....which makes this a song worth fine tuning!!!

 

[up-fiddler]

Waltz time???

Yeah. I like the hook too. (+1) As I read the chorus and verses I start to read in triplets which makes this a prime candidate for 3/4 time. I don't know what you were thinking while writing but that is what hit me the first read through. 1-2-3-1-2-3 Like ..........Your forever/is shorter/tha-an mine.

Either way- I like the hookeroo.

 

[ido1957]

Good revision - Chorus reads well Monte...