Worlds Worst Guitar!

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hixmix

hixmix

Halibut, North Dakota
Rant and vent here.

[This message has been edited by hixmix (edited 05-22-2000).]
 
My Oscar Schmit acoustic electric. There is a knot or something right at the heel of the neck making frets 11- 14 useless. :( Good for target practice, Which i did with a pair of needlenose pliars one night after breaking off two of the string pegs. Now it's "holy" :D

-jhe
 
I don't know about the "World's Worst", but the worst I've ever owned was my first electric. It was Decca hollow body with a sunburst finish. I paid fifty bucks for it, new.
 
Univox hollow body, looked good sounded really bad!!

Kinda sounded like you were playing in a barrell, but without the monkeys.
 
Perhaps you should have put it on the last train to Clarksville?

foo
 
2 Guitars:

1) An acoustic my buddy had that now lives at my house. The neck is warped in a way so that it is now deconnecting itself from the body where it is usually attached. This forces the strings to sit about an inch off the face of the neck and make it pretty tough to play without making your fingers bleed. Due to the improper and unfixable height of the strings, a rather high pitched vibration is produced whenever a string is plucked. The necessary solution: Hot Glue. Yes, this marvelous invention fixes everything, and when placed on the stings where they sit in those little groves, kills almost all of the resonation and tone, but exterminates 100% of the buzzing. There is also an enormous crack in the side of the body. Needless to say, this crack and glue contributes to the wonderful sound that is produced by this guitar. It has many uses, from sitar to violin to acoustic guitar to banjo, this fine all-in-one piece of excellent audio instrumentation is a true item to behold.

2) This guitar I bought for $15 bucks from one of my friends dads. I have since sold (dumped) it upon on of my gullible buddies for $4. This thing was ungodly heavy. Its fine fine wood paneling instead of paint and thin strips of plastic that housed the electronics on the front face of the body gave it a 'unique' appearance. It really was a looker. It was even better after we decided it would be fun to spray paint it. The lingering residue left by the paint on the back of the neck makes playing this magnificent musical device possible but a very unworthwhile experience, as paint tends to rub off in large amounts.

Like I've said before, nothin but the best at my place. Only the highest quality.

[This message has been edited by KingNothing (edited 05-22-2000).]
 
Worst bass; Guild with a fake Precision-type body,plastic neck.found it on the street and tried to upgrade it into something useful.
Worst guitar; A Japanese made Telestar with
one pick-up,unadjustable bridge.My mother gave this to me on Christmas about 30 years ago. She bought at 1 of those bargain stores that sold cheap,linen,toys etc. for about $10.00. I still got it and it still sucks!
 
A red acoustic when I was about 14 years old (long, long time ago). The frets were like crosscut files. I'm not sure how many sets of strings I "filed" till they broke and finally got rid of the "guitar." Doesn't matter that it looked like crap and sounded like crap and matched my crappy playing at the time.
 
I can't let this pass without mentioning my first guitar, made by Blade. It was the POS model (piece of Sh*t). It had every possible problem (Bad pickups, neck, truss rod, tuning pegs, knobs, ect) The thing would refuse to go out of tune one day no matter what i did to it, then refuse to find any approximation of being in tune the next. It is now constantly under the surgeon's knfe as an ongoing experiment in what not to do to a guitar. (It's currently a fretless!)
 
Two worst guitars:

1982 Fender Bullet. Bad guitar, even worse with bad volume pots and a cracked neck. I could never turn it up past "8" without losing sound.

A Lark. I have no idea who made this crummy Les Paul copy. I think one of the pickups was directly wired to the output jack...
 
The Lark. The Lark.

I love Monty Python...

How about a red sunburst, autographed, Waylon Jennings acoustic ordered from T.V.

I had to capo at the 4th fret to tune it, it had a classical style headstock with steel strings, and came with a case that wouldn't close. My grandfather bought it for me when I was 7.

That's the main reason we locked him in a home.
 
In 1977 I bought a Goya classical (so to speak) in a hardshell case with a bright yellow caterpillar hair lining at a music instrument swap meet for six bucks. Made of birch or something. I gave the guitar to a buddy who was drunk and kept the case. My '59 Gibson LG2 has been living in it ever since. All the way to Aklavik, NWT, Canada and spitting distance from the Beaufort Sea by freighter canoe, through the Mackenzie River Delta. Case was securely held together with a bungee cord; never got wet. (Well, once). My guitar still hasn't forgiven me.
 
Kingnothing-

I once had a guitar like the one your buddy had. Only it was a twelve string. I forget the brand, low end Yamaha maybe, it was a long time ago. He ended up giving it to me. Gee, I wonder why?

Like your buddy's, the action was an inch above the frets. Lower frets, that is.
You almost needed a set of vice grips just to play an open G. By the time you got to like the seventh fret the action was soaring two inches above the frets.

Of course the thing never stayed in tune. By the time I finished tuning the 12th string the most of the other strings would have fallen out of tune.

In spite of everything, the guitar did have brief moments of playability.

For some reason I hung on to that guitar and forced myself to play it. I figured if I could play this guitar, I could play any guitar. (How wrong I was).

Then one night my buddy was over for a few beers. He asked me if I knew any good new licks on the guitar. I said "Sure, let me show you". I grabbed the guitar and, to my buddy's amazement, ripped the strings off. Then I grabbed the guitar by the neck and smashed it on the floor. I handed the remains to him and he gave it a couple of good smashes too.

My only regret is that we didn't record the sound of us smashing up that guitar. It would have been the sweetest sound it ever made.




[This message has been edited by hixmix (edited 05-28-2000).]
 
Haha ya man, I know exactly what you are talking about. We have contemplated smashing the guitar numerous times and recording it, but we just cant. It has its uses, like when you want to record a really bad guitar sound (...this happens all the time...) It also kinda looks cool just sitting there, with the devil sticker on the pick guard.

I kinda fixed the way the neck warps though. I bent the neck back to its original angle and put a screw through the neck and into the body. Works like a charm. Unfortunately, this made the need for more hot glue more evident. Also, the combination of screw through neck, hot glue on strings, and large crack in side dont add up to sound real hot.

Oh, ya. And the tuning knob deals...jesus. I cannot turn a single one of them with my fingers.
 
Try green duct tape on the inside of the guitar for the crack. Then take the thing outside and rub it in the dirt. The sticky stuff will pick up the gunk, just like a rough filler. Then take a whisk broom and sweep out the excess gravel from the crack, glop a little polyurethane in there (leftover from doing the bartop) and set it down in the other room with the crack side up. Shouldn't drip too much.
 
Those are ingenious ideas. I especially like the idea of filling the crack with dirt. It wouldnt be necessary to wipe down the guitar after rubbing it in dirt cause the finish already looks like utter garbage, you wouldnt notice any difference if it was sitting there with mud covering it.

The Devil sticker on the pickguard would have to be wiped off tho.
 
I just did a photoshoot of my stable of Gibsons with a new camera and every one of them came up looking like somebody spilled a Jolt Cola across the body. They sound good;
they just look really funky.
 
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