Who am I?

[Nick_Black]

oy, I was listening to some old Oasis, and a song suddenly came to me, it's to short right now, but please tell me what you think as of now (I couldn't mix to well and had to wisper becouse my parents were sleeping so I had to keep it way down)

here's the song (who am I)

and thease are the lyrics:

who am I, do you mind if i ask you why?
am I sexy or am I ugly.
am I knind or most confusing?
all I can do is play my music
my friends they have all come and gone.
makes me fell like i did something wrong
I'm clinging on to othercultures
untill I can find my own

people tell me that, I'm ok.
and then they all turn away.
than I think, what did I say?
I don't wan't you to go.

the mirors they all look so difrent.
evry time i look in them
I try clothes of evry colour.
but my hart seems to be getting smaller
I feel like I'm fading away.
I guess nowhere is where I'll stay.


any sugestions for further improvement would be nice too.

 

[ido1957]

oy, I was listening to some old Oasis, and a song suddenly came to me, it's to short right now, but please tell me what you think as of now (I couldn't mix to well and had to wisper becouse my parents were sleeping so I had to keep it way down)

here's the song (who am I)

and thease are the lyrics:

who am I, do you mind if i ask you why?
am I sexy or am I ugly.
am I knind or most confusing?
all I can do is play my music
my friends they have all come and gone.
makes me fell like i did something wrong
I'm clinging on to othercultures
untill I can find my own

people tell me that, I'm ok.
and then they all turn away.
than I think, what did I say?
I don't wan't you to go.

the mirors they all look so difrent.
evry time i look in them
I try clothes of evry colour.
but my hart seems to be getting smaller
I feel like I'm fading away.
I guess nowhere is where I'll stay.


any sugestions for further improvement would be nice too.

Reads and sounds pretty good so far Nick. I think the structure of the chords and melody are good - keep that going as you look at possible additions.

There are a couple of good themes going on:
- musician who others politely abandon (pretty typical, but they get the girls )
- same person trying different cultures, and ideas in an attempt to fit in (super good - hits home with a lot of people)

Here are some suggestions you can maybe look at as you continue to develop this....
Maybe tie these themes together with a phrase and repeat the Who Am I part

I like this one a lot.....

 

[Nick_Black]

thanks for the reply, this is the first time I sucsessfuly wrote about myself. (usually I write stories of other people's lives, whether its imagaginary or real)

I really like your sugestion of doubleing the "who am I part" though I might use an echo, unless I can get my drummer to do it, becouse the other band members voices are too radically diffrent...

Thanks!