"When You're Here"

[famous beagle]

Wanted to get some opinions on this one. Kinda mushy, so be warned.

Does it need anything else, writing-wise, or would the arrangement be enough with maybe an instrumental interlude and then another chorus to close it out?

Thanks for listening

www.soundclick.com/chadjohnson

"When You're Here"

Now that you're gone, darling
I feel incomplete and tired
And nothing lines up the way it should
All my favorite things, they don't feel as good
And only you can make it right

Because when I'm in this house alone, darling
And I cannot hold you tight
I just can't think of what to do
I just can't stop thinking about you
And how I wish you were here tonight

Because no one makes me feel the way you do
I don't need a thing when you're here
Even the sun can't keep me warm the way you do
And there's no way you could know
and no way I could show you how much I love you

Every time I see your face, darling
It's such a simple thing
But my heart stops feeling sore
Every time I see you walking through that door
When you're coming home to me

 

[squibble94]

Sounds good. The vocals sound a little too roomy for me, but good writing. The harmonizing was nice.

 

[famous beagle]

Sounds good. The vocals sound a little too roomy for me, but good writing. The harmonizing was nice.

Yeah, I guess I should have clarified. The recording is just a quick scratch one I did with the lead vocal and acoustic live and then an overdubbed harmony.

I was mainly just wanting opinions on the writing aspect.

Thanks!

 

[Strat1958]

The song is very nice to listen to. I wouldn't mess with the vibe too much when you record it for real...very 'intimate' sounding, which fits the subject.

I'm slightly confused by the narrative...has the girl left, and the guy is sad that they have split up? Or does he simply miss her when she's gone for the day?

The reason I ask is that the last verse seems to imply that she comes home on a regular basis:
"But my heart stops feeling sore
Every time I see you walking through that door
When you're coming home to me"

I assume you're going to tighten up the melody as well - it seems to wander a bit.

But, as I originally said, a very nice song. I look forward to hearing what you do with it.

-Mike

 

[famous beagle]

The song is very nice to listen to. I wouldn't mess with the vibe too much when you record it for real...very 'intimate' sounding, which fits the subject.

I'm slightly confused by the narrative...has the girl left, and the guy is sad that they have split up? Or does he simply miss her when she's gone for the day?

The reason I ask is that the last verse seems to imply that she comes home on a regular basis:
"But my heart stops feeling sore
Every time I see you walking through that door
When you're coming home to me"

I assume you're going to tighten up the melody as well - it seems to wander a bit.

But, as I originally said, a very nice song. I look forward to hearing what you do with it.

-Mike

Thanks for the comments Mike. Yes he misses her when she's gone for the day. I wrote the song when I was working from home and my wife worked outside the home. It got pretty lonely in the house during the day.

I realize though that, right off the bat, the line "Now that you're gone" immediately triggers the "lost love" response in the listener. I struggled with the idea of changing some lines in one of the first two verses, or maybe adding another, to help clarify, but I never got around to it. I thought maybe the chorus helped to clear it up a little bit with "I don't need a thing when you're here."

 

[gecko zzed]

'Mushy' works for me on occasion.

This time, the song feels too intimate for me to listen to it comfortably. In which case, you've probably achieved what you wanted . . . to be able generate that sense of sincerity and intimacy.

I'd almost be inclined to leave the harmonies out . . . and go very stark.