what do you think of these lyrics?

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baerstev

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Check out this song at http://www.purevolume.com/inthefields Its called Silence is Golden. Still some work to do... punchins and stuff, but the song is basically done and I want to hear what people think about it. I think the lyrics are kind of uplifting in a very depressing way, but even if you don't like depressing songs, what do you think? Thanks for your time.


Silence is golden
Can't find your way without trying
the silence is growing
can't get your wings without dying

slippin at your door
sleek oil of your words
if only what you say was what i knew for sure
lured into a flood
poison in my blood
one is all it takes until you've grown to know

your silence is cold, got me trying
to find wisdom of my own, and its on my own
to bring it back, bring it back, bring it back
find all the flaws
you know i'll see through it in time

you left me at the door
broken wings, freely fall into your war
if only what you say was what i knew for sure
the muzzle bears a mark
the greedy hand is scarred
one is all it takes until you've grown to know

the silence is folding
cause now i've found my way

you'd drown me in the mud
try to turn around thought i'd be dead and i'd be done
its only what you say and i've blown it full of holes
now that you know the race is run
just acting out your play but i can reverse the roles

you better cut another scene and leave it out
cause then you'll break yourself
break like water
on my walls

and the towers rising from disaster
and the servant again is master
 
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good lyrics but the song is not that good maby its not my type.when the guitars kicks in it could be better i dont know.i like heavy stuff im into metal but the guitars could really be better.
 
hey let me say i like the song, just one thing theres not much redunancy in it. for instance, i wasnt sure even after listening to it where your chorus began and verse end and i didnt hear a hook. in other words the song is not catchy enough. i m not into heavy metal so i m not sure if the rules for other genres apply here too but if they do, you should definitely add a chorus and if you already have one they need to be the same.

i asked a question last week about having 2 different chorus' in one song and across the broad people said that that wasnt a good idea. other than that i think its a cool song.
 
Lewiston! Represent. I grew up in Winona...

ANYWAY.

I like the lyrics. the music isn't so much my taste, but I like flow of the lyrics...

Cheers,
C
 
I have not listened to the song; just read the lyrics.

To be honest, I have no clue as to what the song is about. And I like challenging lyrics. This is just too obtuse.
 
some food for thought

First I would like to thank everyone who listened to my song and gave feedback. I really appreciate it.

Second, I don't want to get anyone to like my music by arguing with them-it has to come naturally if at all, but I guess I just feel like I need to express why I did certain things with this song.

Sebcore... thanks for the reply. I am curious as to what exactly you think could be better about the guitars? Too muddy? Too harsh? Not full enough? I was planning on adding a little low end onto the bass during the choruses.. it seemed like it could use a little, but I thought the guitars sounded ok... maybe I should cut out or do a little more EQing with the piano (which is barely audible anyway), it might be muddying things up.

JaQsonA1... thanks.. I guess I feel like I should have replied to your thread about having 2 different choruses. I can think of a lot of songs where the choruses change, songs that don't have a chorus at all, etc... there are no rules in music as far as i'm concerned... only what SOUNDS good (which is, of course very subjective). I do agree that if you are trying to write a cookie cutter pop song, yes you probably better follow a pretty strict formula in regards to structure... and maybe that kind of music is more..... immediately appealing to people. But a lot of the artists who I personally love (Led Zeppelin, the Who, Beatles, lots of classic rock), just let the emotion of the song be their guide, instead of any preconceived rules about song structure (although lots of their songs do follow the verse chorus verse chorus bridge verse chorus thing). A lot of the music that these bands have written has stood the test of time, and people will probably be listening to it for a long time to come. Obviously I am nowhere near them talentwise, but I think one of the many things wrong with the state of rock music today is that writing isn't really a natural process any more. As for finding the hook... thanks for that criticism... I hate to sound like I am defending myself even more, because then I think people won't reply to my posts, but how many times did you listen to it? I know in some of my favorite songs the hook wasn't even apparent to me during the first few listens, but maybe I am just too involved in the song to realize I didn't write a catchy hook. No one on here probably has the time to listen more than once anyway... I know that I tend not to.

Clark Griswold... Winona! heck yeah someone else who is also from the boonies of southeastern Minnesota lol... where are you living now? I am glad you like the flow of the lyrics.

LI Slim... thanks for the reply. I will take that into consideration, and probably change a few lines.
 
all right... i made some changes in the lyrics... might make things a little clearer. I capitalized the changes. I realize this is a lot to read over, but I really appreciate the feedback. Thanks!!

Silence is GROWING
Can’t find your way without trying
The silence is HOLDING
Can’t get your wings without dying

Slipping at the door
Sleek oil of your words
If only what you say was what I knew for sure
WORRY TO MY LOVE
Poison in my blood
One is all it takes until you’ve grown to know

Silence is cold its got me trying
To find wisdom of my own and its on my own
To bring it back, bring it back, bring it back
And find all the flaws
You know I’ll see through it in time

You left me at the door
Broken wings, NEARLY STARVING TO YOUR CALL
If only what you say was what I knew for sure
The muzzle bears a mark
The greedy hand is scarred
One is all it takes until you’ve grown to know

The silence is folding
Cause now I’ve found my way

You’d drown me in the mud
Try to turn around thought I’d be dead and I’d be done
Its only what you say and I’ve blown it full of holes
Now that you know the race is run
Just acting out your play but I can reverse the roles

You better cut another scene and leave it out
Cause then you’ll break yourself
Break like water on my walls come on

And the towers rising from disaster
And the servant BEGETS HIS master
 
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