What do you guys think of these lyrics

  • Thread starter Thread starter 64Firebird
  • Start date Start date
64Firebird

64Firebird

New member
I don't write lyrics much, but sometimes I get an idea and just run with it.

I was born in a bail of butcher knives,
My mama said I'd be the greatest man alive,
I was playing guitar by the age of nine,
And when I bend them strings all the girls start crying,

I'm big and mean so don't you give me no lip,
I got a colt 45 on my right hip,
I ware a black leather jacket and snake skin boots,
And I don't play nothing but Texas Blues,

I use a red hot coal to light my cigar,
I drive a great big long black Cadillac car,
I drink hot coffee right from the pot,
And when I start loving I just can't stop,

These lyrics came right off the top of my head as I was typing them. It's not finished yet, but tell me what you think anyway.
 
Top notch
I need some lyrics for an aria im working on,maybe we can collaborate?
 
pretty cool....sorta like a George Thoroughgood tune.....ya know?

keep on writing man...
later
 
reddish said:
Top notch
I need some lyrics for an aria im working on,maybe we can collaborate?
Click to expand...

Sure! like I said I don't write very much, but I'll give it a try.
 
That's a good start. Are you going for a "Who Do You Love" Bo Diddley vibe here?

Now all you need is a chorus :D
 
freshmattyp said:
That's a good start. Are you going for a "Who Do You Love" Bo Diddley vibe here?

Now all you need is a chorus :D
Click to expand...

Yeah, somebody said the thing about butcher knives and I thought Bo Diddley, but after I get a chorus I might see if I can turn it into a 12 bar blues thing.
 
Really good start. I'd like to hear Johnny Cash do it!

I suggest you take it somewhere. What's this bad boy gonna do?
 
Nice job, 64.
Good song.
You jumped right in and kept the descriptive lyrics going to the end. No dull parts.
Yeah, I second the motion, keep on writing.
 
Thanks for all the good words.

Everybody is right though, it does need some kind of chorus to sort of glue the whole thing together. I just can't seem to think of one. The muse has left the building.
 
I Finally got a chorus!

So all you women throw your men outside,
And I'll love you real good till your satisfied.

How's that?

I think I'll try and put this to music today.
 
3 chords..........

twelve Bars............

That should do it....ya think? :D

Good chorus man...post it when your done......OK?
Joe
 
Bdgr said:
Let me know if you need a hand when youre ready to record.
Click to expand...

That would be cool. You think I could talk you and your band into backing me up?
 
64Firebird said:
I Finally got a chorus!

So all you women throw your men outside,
And I'll love you real good till your satisfied.

How's that?

I think I'll try and put this to music today.
Click to expand...

They're nice lyrics, but if I were doing them I'd lengthen the chorus to make it more memorable, etc.

I'd add another 2 extra lines (either before or after these you already have) and probably repeat it twice.

Err....... (off the top of my head)

something like:

Get in my car, I'll take you for a ride,
And we'll party all through the night.

Also,

You might wanna take "real good" out 2 make the lines you written last the same amount of time.

Juz' my 2 pennies.
 
I was born in a bail of butcher knives,
My mama said I'd be the greatest man alive,
I was playing guitar by the age of nine,
And when I bend them strings all the girls start crying,

I'm big and mean so don't you give me no lip,
I got a colt 45 on my right hip,
I ware a black leather jacket and snake skin boots,
And I don't play nothing but Texas Blues,

I use a red hot coal to light my cigar,
I drive a great big long black Cadillac car,
I drink hot coffee right from the pot,
And when I start loving I just can't stop,

------------------------------------------------------------
I was born in a bail of butcher knives,
mama said I'd be the greatest man alive,
was playing guitar by the age of nine,
when I bend them strings the girls start crying,

I'm big and mean so don't you give me no lip,
got a colt 45 on my right hip,
ware a black leather jacket and snake skin boots,
don't play nothing but Texas Blues,

I use a red hot coal to light my cigar,
drive a great big long black Cadillac car,
drink hot coffee right from the pot, (this line used in "Haunted House if that means anything to ya)
when I start loving I just can't stop,


I would just drop a bunch of the "I"s and ands
I feel it flows a little better that way.
just my 2 cents worth, I dont have anything to brag about.
 
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