Tell me what you thinK!

[TheMusic]

I wrote a new song...I didn't really have time to polish it yet...so here it is in the rough...

Eyes on You

Stumble, trip and fall
That’s the way it’s been with us
Can’t make it unless it makes us crawl

We’re trying so hard to get up again
But every little ache becomes such a pain
And I know I can make it true
As long as I keep my eyes on you

(Chorus) (upbeat)

My eyes on you
Just tell me you feel it too
And I’ll be your forever
We can be together

(End chorus)

And everytime I plummet
I know you’ll meet me at the summit
All I gotta do
Is keep my eyes on youuu….
(My eyes on you…)

(Chorus)
My eyes on you
Just tell me you feel it too
And I’ll be your forever
We can be together

It’s been hard and it’s been weary
Darkness casts a shadow most dreary
And brings forth the night’s most bleak desires
Murderers, traitors and liars

But you are there to kindle my fires
To stoke our love through troubled blues
Stay with me, we’ll never lose
All that we’ve held on to

As long as I keep my eyes on you…

(Chorus)
My eyes on you
Just tell me you feel it too
And I’ll be your forever
We can be together

My eyes on you
Just tell me you feel it too
And I’ll be your forever
We can be together

My eyes on you...
My eyes on you...
My eyes on youuuu...

Tell me what ya'll think!

 

[Songwriter333]

Good news and bad news. As always, in my humble opinion.
GOOD- I will say that if put to good, catchy music, the simplicity and potential hooks are what you can hold on to here.
Bad- Nothing new under the sun- nothing special about the lyrics that I picked up on. Just simple everyday stuff- you'll likely say that was what you were after, after all, and it's all good then.
Strive on fellow musician!

 

[Songwriter333]

P.S. You have a good easy flow, but "plummet/summit" lines may be hard to truly pull off in the song. May want to revise.