Take What I Say With a Grain of Salt

[Guitarer]

I'm working on a ballad for you
And all these lyrics I have brought back from the dead
Won't do me any good
Until I have settled on a final resting place
For all the unrequited rhymes that I have left astray

I'm taking all the time I need
To get these frustrated words onto paper
As if they meant my life
When in reality they're nothing but pen and ink
Bleeding onto a cheap canvas that means nothing

This is the unprecedented feeling you get
When all these words get to your head
And as I write about your delirium
I'll take a sip of irony

I'm finding it hard to find the words
It seems as though I'm wording it in ways
That won't do me any good
But if I get a smile out of it
Well, hell, that's something when your creativity is so dimly lit

This is the unprecedented feeling you get
When all these words get to your head
And as I write about your delirium
I'll take a sip of irony

-Holden

 

[gecko zzed]

"I'll take a sip of irony" . . . brilliant line!

There is a lot of lyrical skill here, and some great descriptions, such as:

"unrequited rhymes"

"frustrated words"

"creativity so dimly lit"

The idea of writing a song about writing a song is not new, and others have been there (e.g. your song - Elton John, song 23 - Robin Trymm, and various others), but this one doesn't fall into the hole of "been there, done that" because of the originality in the lyrics. Great stuff! I want to hear it now!

 

[rayc]

Some excellent phrases indeed.
There are some issues that you should continue to work on though - well a few combinations that don't work as well as others:
"...that I have left astray" doesn't quite get there;
"...pen and ink Bleeding onto a cheap canvas" - parchment or similar might be more approriate;
the I and you, your in the repeated section leaves me a little confused;
the repeated use of ...ing works quite well until finding & wording
&
this one doesn't resolve well -"This is the unprecedented feeling you get When all these words get to your head"- it suggests an experience unique or new yet one repeated.
I think you've an excellent start with what's been posted: the quality of phrases pointed out be gekko zzed need to be supported by a bit more reworking to make the piece thoroughly terrific.

 

[Guitarer]

Wow I forgot all about this thread. Appreciate the responses guys. Rayc, can you please go into detail? I'm not exactly sure what you mean...some of what you say almost seems sarcastic...Maybe it is?

 

[rayc]

Mate, I try not to be sarcastic but when I am it's VERY obvious.
I wasn't being with you.
I'll have to take some time to reread your lyric & think about what I wrote. Check back in a day or so.