somebody read these lyrics and tell what ya think

[thenextbigthing]

im wondering if the lyrics are any good i need somebody elses opinion

bitch my moan
cry your tears
greet goodbye's
wasted years
sing my song
love my hate
hear my voice
concentrate
painful sky's
said to die
im your strong
raised so high
a poets art
explains it all
a tradgedy brougt to all
of me myself it tickles me
take the pain
set you free
happy one
hurts to see
two of them
one of me
bite the tongue
kill the dream
forgive not
never see
growing strong
love your hate
play the game
concentrate
grudgy thoughts
hold you back
let the talk
without attack of me
myself it triggers me
tired thoughts
friend no more
say goodbye
care no more
i care no more
i care no more

 

[ez_willis]

Do you like them?

 

[Rokket]

Interesting in that it doesn't follow the usual "Verse/Chorus/Verse" or any other format. Do you have music for it yet?
One line kind of sticks out as not quite right: painful sky's said to die
I lost your meaning there. The imagery doesn't quite do it. I don't know, am I making sense?
Good stuff overall. Nice work.

 

[joethebigshmoe]

I second that thought....do you like them?

Unlike poetry, lyrics are not stand-alone art. IMHO and many music scholars, they are not meant to be read.

I think Fiona Apple has greate lyrics, so to with Tool and U2. However, if you read them to someone with out the emotion and rhythm of a song, they can sound pretty silly.

There are alot of good phrases there.

 

[andyhix]

With a song like this (imo), the music needs to be real strong. I read through the lyrics once only, and didn't get a real good feeling of what the song was about. I did detect a sorta mood though. If the music is good, people will want to listen again and again, and maybe (much like straight poetry) after a few or several listens, the lyrics will make more sense. And of course the melody and style will help to clarify the meanings and mood of the song.

I did really like the flow and meter of the lyrics though.