Sappy Divorce Song

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Taming the World--for now
I was thinking of a friend when I jotted this down. The melody is 70% done with 80% to go. :rolleyes: The lyrics are far from being set in cement so feel free to suggest, critique, analyse, and tear up in general. My hide is thick. My work is in a constant state of change. I will take anything that is constructive and appreciatively run with it. Thanks in advance, Dave. (AKA up-fiddler)

Another Time
c. 2008 Dave Morehouse (ASCAP)

An aisle full of families
And friends all around
A chapel bell ringing
Heard all through the town.
A memory of loveliness,
White satin, and lace.
When did it all happen?
Another time, another place.

A new life came crying
Into a new world.
His head would soon fill
With thoughts of a girl
He’d grow up without
His dad’s loving grace
Perhaps he can find it
Another time, another place.

Another place, another time
Life might be a nursery rhyme.
Another time, another place
They might stop to run love’s race.
Another time, another place.

Today they are families.
What was one now are two.
Some say they grew apart.
Some say they never grew.
They say there is someone
For every embrace
Where can love find them?
Another time, another place.


Dave's Awesome Blog
 
up-fiddler said:
I was thinking of a friend when I jotted this down. The melody is 70% done with 80% to go. :rolleyes: The lyrics are far from being set in cement so feel free to suggest, critique, analyse, and tear up in general. My hide is thick. My work is in a constant state of change. I will take anything that is constructive and appreciatively run with it. Thanks in advance, Dave. (AKA up-fiddler)

Another Time
c. 2008 Dave Morehouse (ASCAP)

An aisle full of families
And friends all around
A chapel bell ringing
Heard all through the town.
A memory of loveliness,
White satin, and lace.
When did it all happen?
Another time, another place.

A new life came crying
Into a new world.
His head would soon fill
With thoughts of a girl
He’d grow up without
His dad’s loving grace
Perhaps he can find it
Another time, another place.

Another place, another time
Life might be a nursery rhyme.
Another time, another place
They might stop to run love’s race.
Another time, another place.

Today they are families.
What was one now are two.
Some say they grew apart.
Some say they never grew.
They say there is someone
For every embrace
Where can love find them?
Another time, another place.


Dave's Awesome Blog
Click to expand...

Just some suggestions Dave - take them with a large grain of salt :)

Verse 1
"An aisle full of families"
- not realistic (aisle part) so I'd suggest "A Church full of family/ies"
- rest of the verse is excellent

Verse 2
- there's three different thoughts/stories going on here (2 lines each) and it's confusing me. Baby/Horny Teen/No Dad - maybe it's a boy growing up really fast??? It can work but now it's like a time warp... lol

Chorus
- Flipping around the "Another place, another time" is quite inventive
- I also like " To run love's race"

Verse 3
"Today they are families." - Suggest something like "they have their families"
"For every embrace" - the syllables fit but I'd like to see a person in there. Suggest "That we all can embrace" - to personify it.

Those are the things that crossed my mind while reading. Again, these are just suggestions, something to think about. It reads well meter and rhyme-wise, so it will no doubt be another good one!

Take Care ! :D
 
Perversely, I happen to like the things that ido1957 was wondering about.

The 'aisle full of families' is a great line (even if perhaps it is not quite realistic . . . that doesn't worry me), and conjures up a great wedding scene, typically like you get when everyone is filing out. It is rhythmically satisfying, like, and alluding to, the construction of 'a pocket full of rye' and similar.

The second verse is wonderfully ambiguous, but I chose to believe that it relates to the future of a child of that union.

"Some say they grew apart/some say they never grew" is concise and pithy. Great stuff!

Ido was suggesting that a person could appear in "for every embrace", but I think this person already exists in the previous line, i.e. "They say there is someone/for every embrace", and again, it is a great couplet!

I'm not a fan of "sappy divorce songs", but I think you have done a fine job with a difficult subject, and, for me, the song works very well. It is non-judgmental, insightful, and steers deftly away from the saccharine . . . it is not too sappy.

Now . . . just to put a dampener on things, I wonder if there is an alternative to "a chapel bell ringing", a line which does dance with the sugarplum fairies a bit. I wonder if there is a more obscure way of referring to wedding bells? Likewise, I am also a little bit nervous about "white satin, and lace" for the same reason.

How about:

"a memory of loveliness/of broderie anglaise"?

(I also wonder about "loveliness", but maybe it would be an idea to see how everything fits into a melody before getting too carried away)
 
Many thanks........

Thanks to all so far.

The chapel bell ringing bothered me also. I didn't want to get too obsure though. I felt it necessary to let the listener know that the song starts with a wedding. If they miss that then the rest of the tune will fall apart for them. I had given thought to some animation like "The chapel bells singing" and still may change to that. "Gown wrapped in lace" was given equal thought.

As mentioned, it is a work in progress and any thoughts are appreciated. Quite often they are helpful just to get me thinking in a different direction. Thanks again, Dave.
 
suggested verse edits

An aisle full of families
And friends all around
Life-changing words
And rice on the ground
A memory of loveliness,
White satin, and lace.
When did it all happen?
Another time, another place.


A new life came crying
Into a new world.
So much to learn,
His mind all awhirl
He’d grow up without
His dad’s loving grace
Perhaps he can find it
Another time, another place


They once were one family
But now they are two.
Some say they grew apart.
Some say they never grew.
It’s said there is someone
For every embrace
Where can love find them?
Another time, another place.
----------

Just what I could come up with in the 15 minutes I have to divert (not devote) to the effort today. :)

Jeff
 
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