Running Away

[Nightfire]

Feedback is welcomed

Verse 1
Today is the day, that I’ll leave it all behind
Tomorrow I’ll be gone, running underneath the sky
There’s more people to meet, and many streets left to sleep on
So this is where it ends, and this is where it starts

Pre-Chorus

So take my hand and let it go, because it’s my last show
I packed my bags, I'm good to go, this is where we part

Chorus
I'm running, farther away
Just running, nothing left to say
Wanna feel the open road, wanna leave this place behind
Want to know what lies inside, my feeble state of mind….
And so I’m running….


Verse 2
I’ll trade you all I’ve got, my bucket full of memories
And leave the rest behind, for the next man and his misery
Echoes of the past, just don’t hold anything for me
From here on I’ll be fine, I’ll sing you one last lullaby

Pre-Chorus
But then my dear its time to go, I’m trying to reach my goal
The world is full of lonely people I’ll go and see them all

Chorus



Mike

 

[up-fiddler]

Prechorus???

I love the concept! The lyric reads musically and that means it passes the first test for me. I would like to hear a bit of it recorded.

 

[ido1957]

my feeble state of mind….

my bucket full of memories

Mike,
I hit a bump when I read these two lines.... not sure why.... might be better when it's put to music....

The rest is really great and reads nice and smooth.

I get lots of emotions and imagery from the lyrics.

It's a short story in verse form...

Good Job! Looking forward to hearing this put to music when you get the chance....

 

[Nightfire]

Sorry, I'll post a link for those who want to hear the music.
www.myspace.com/mikeduerksen
It's a crappy recording and the voice is not very clear. Somehow I am not quite happy with the tune either.
Anyways, thanks for the feedback. If you can listen to those two akward lines and tell me if it works or not that'd be great. This is one of my first songs.


Mike

 

[ido1957]

Sorry, I'll post a link for those who want to hear the music.
www.myspace.com/mikeduerksen
It's a crappy recording and the voice is not very clear. Somehow I am not quite happy with the tune either.
Anyways, thanks for the feedback. If you can listen to those two akward lines and tell me if it works or not that'd be great. This is one of my first songs.


Mike

The recording is fine - the rhythm, lead guitar and vocals are all clear and easy to distinguish. I see you're from Canada and I'm guessing from your blog that it's somewhere on the prairies. I'm in Edmonton and I hope this snow goes away soon - real soon (lol).

The "awkward phrases" actually sound okay in the recording. The way you pronounce them reduces the impact or emphasis enough so they breeze on by. It is not unusual for these types of phrases to sound completely different when they are sung than when they are read. At least that's what I find.

The melody you've written is good however, the key may be too low for your voice. It sounds like you are straining to hit those lower notes. I would suggest you capo your guitar (or change keys), and try recording this in a higher key.

Again the melody is very good, so careful if you transpose to try and retain as much of the original as possible. You may find a complete different melody (or different bits) which is not unusual when you change keys as the notes will pop out of the chords differently.

 

[Nightfire]

Im from Winnipeg I worked in Evansburg, AB last summer and was frequently in Edmonton on weekends, man you guys have a fun city!

Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate it. I have a very wierd voice, have problems with lows and have problems with highs, not a whole lot of range.
I'll try capoing it, getting a female voice for the backup during the chorus and re-recording it a little higher (maybe 2 frets up).

Thanks,


Mike

 

[VGreen]

Mike,

Great lyrics, great tune, perhaps work on the vocals a little. Thumbs up from me.

V

 

[ido1957]

Im from Winnipeg I worked in Evansburg, AB last summer and was frequently in Edmonton on weekends, man you guys have a fun city!

I was born in Winnipeg and lived Fort Garry, then St Norbert until I was 13. Winnipeg is equally cool (or should I say cold ). Glad you enjoyed your time in AB...

 

[Todzilla]

Your melody is far below your range. Have you tried singing them an octave higher? At the bottom end of most singers' ranges pitch is even harder to control than at the high end.