Review these lyrics, please!

  • Thread starter Thread starter STAT1STICK
  • Start date Start date
STAT1STICK

STAT1STICK

Active member
Something I wrote today.

You're to Blame

verse
Was it worth it when you wanted me?
Am I perfect? Did I seem to be?
Was I too cold? Did you wish for pain?
Did it get old? Was it all the same?
Are you crying? Were you bored to tears?
Did those cuts help wash away the years?
Did that last song make you want to leave?
Is that my heart hanging from your sleeve?

chorus
Wasn’t it you that asked for me?
What did you expect this life to be?
If you left I’d feel no pain.
Just as long as you’re to blame.
You don’t have to ask me twice.
Next time I will get this right.
If you left I’d feel the same.
Just as long as you’re to blame.

chorus lead out
That’s my name you’re screaming tonight.

verse
Was I greedy? Did I want too much?
Did you get sick? Was it from my touch?
Get the picture? Was it not enough?
When I ditched you. Was I just too blunt?
Now you tell me that I should get out.
Who could want you when you scream and shout?
But it’s alright. I’ll be fine this way.
As for you dear. Better hope and pray.

chorus
Wasn’t it you that asked for me?
What did you expect this life to be?
If you left I’d feel no pain.
Just as long as you’re to blame.
You don’t have to ask me twice.
Next time I will get this right.
If you left I’d feel the same.
Just as long as you’re to blame.

chorus lead out
That’s my name you’re screaming tonight.

bridge
Slam that door and say good bye. Right?
I’ll be sleeping soundly tonight.

chorus
Wasn’t it you that asked for me?
What did you expect this life to be?
If you left I’d feel no pain.
Just as long as you’re to blame.
You don’t have to ask me twice.
Next time I will get this right.
If you left I’d feel the same.
Just as long as you’re to blame.
 
Last edited:
STAT1STICK said:
Something I wrote today.

You're to Blame

verse
Was it worth it when you wanted me?
Am I perfect? Did I seem to be?
Was I too cold? Did you wish for pain?
Did it get old? Was it all the same?
Are you crying? Were you bored to tears?
Did those cuts help wash away the years?
Did that last song make you want to leave?
Is that my heart hanging from your sleeve?

chorus
Wasn’t it you that asked for me?
What did you expect this life to be?
If you left I’d feel no pain.
Just as long as you’re to blame.
You don’t have to ask me twice.
Next time I will get this right.
If you left I’d feel the same.
Just as long as you’re to blame.

chorus lead out
That’s my name you’re screaming tonight.

verse
Was I greedy? Did I want too much?
Did you get sick? Was it from my touch?
Get the picture? Was it not enough?
When I ditched you. Was I just too blunt?
Now you tell me that I should get out.
Who could want you when you scream and shout?
But it’s alright. I’ll be fine this way.
As for you dear. Better hope and pray.

chorus
Wasn’t it you that asked for me?
What did you expect this life to be?
If you left I’d feel no pain.
Just as long as you’re to blame.
You don’t have to ask me twice.
Next time I will get this right.
If you left I’d feel the same.
Just as long as you’re to blame.

chorus lead out
That’s my name you’re screaming tonight.

bridge
Slam that door and say good bye. Right?
I’ll be sleeping soundly tonight.

chorus
Wasn’t it you that asked for me?
What did you expect this life to be?
If you left I’d feel no pain.
Just as long as you’re to blame.
You don’t have to ask me twice.
Next time I will get this right.
If you left I’d feel the same.
Just as long as you’re to blame.
Click to expand...

great song!

im a definate fan...
im getting like an emo-punk (no offense if u hate that music) feel kinda vibe from it...
like more of an upbeat tempo song perhaps...

play it fast!
very decent...
it all fits very well in my opinion... SWEEEEET
 
when i read the lyrics, i actually felt like the words belong in a slow but powerful song. i think it would be great with soft but strong vocals...just my opinion!
oh and i like the flow of words in this song too...but maybe you could use a little more variety in the rhyme scheme other than like an AABB scheme through the whole song. like maybe have the scheme in the verses different then that in the chorus and bridge. ive noticed that variety in the pattern of a song makes it more interesting to listen to.
 
luckicharm said:
when i read the lyrics, i actually felt like the words belong in a slow but powerful song. i think it would be great with soft but strong vocals...just my opinion!
oh and i like the flow of words in this song too...but maybe you could use a little more variety in the rhyme scheme other than like an AABB scheme through the whole song. like maybe have the scheme in the verses different then that in the chorus and bridge. ive noticed that variety in the pattern of a song makes it more interesting to listen to.
Click to expand...

nooooo....
PLAY IT FAST!!!

jk buddy everyone is entitled to their own opinion...

:D:D:D:D:D
 
Nice overall structure/grammar/rhyming so I approve of the syntax you're using. I can see/hear lots of possibilities for a melody line for this. The previous posters are proof - one says fast and one says slow. It's versatile enough to create several versions.
Very nice!

:) :D :) :D
 
I love the 12 questions in a row thing. I think I would rework the chs if it were mine but, then again, that's just me. Nice effort. Can't wait to hear it. ;)
 
up-fiddler said:
I love the 12 questions in a row thing. I think I would rework the chs if it were mine but, then again, that's just me. Nice effort. Can't wait to hear it. ;)
Click to expand...

I love the chorus, and it's actually my favorite part of the song :p . This song could go a lot of ways, but do it however you imagined it while writing. Good Luck
 
Nothing wrong there in my opinion... My only criticism is that its not terribly inventive as a whole... I mean the concepts of 'pain' 'blame' etc have been pretty heavily mined over the last 10 yrs or so. I DON"T MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD CHANGE THE SUBJECT OF THE LYRICS, only that you could get a little more creative with the actual words you use. Add some symbolism, some descriptive terms.... more visceral overall... just my thoughts!
 
Those are some quality lyrics. What kind of music we talkin about here anyway?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top