Re-Lapse - Constitution (Noddyz Constitution Lyrics)

[Re-Lapse]

I decided to post my verse that I wrote up for Noddy's school project, even if they are good enough for the track or not, I was proud of myself, so I thought I'd throw them up for some commentary, if you have any suggestions let me know.

Re-Lapse-Constitution

The first ammendment states that I have freedom of speech
The words comin outta my mouth are way too high to reach
You won't understand anything that I have to preach
But, the words will stick to your brain, suckin your blood like a leech
Theres a few of those ammendments that I have intentionally passed
I ignored them when I heard them cause I knew they wouldn't last
The second ammendment says I have the right to bear an arm
But the 5th states only if I can do it without any harm
The 7th one says that I have the right of trial by jury
Knowing my luck the 8th ammendment will be blurry
If I commit a crime the punishment will be in a hurry
Beat me til someone comes and then they all scurry
It doesn't seem to matter if I'm 18 and I can vote
By the 26th ammendment, I have lost all of my hope
Livin day by day, and packin my heat
Runnin off at the mouth due to freedom of speech

That's just one verse, that I was going to throw down on his track, we'll see if it's good enough, if it is I'll have him upload the track with my vocals too.

I'm trying to get better at writing, so if you have any idea of how to improve this, without re-writing it, let me know. Otherwise, just drop a line of what you think over-all anyway.

Thanks in advance.


--Re-Lapse

 

[Freddy]

You do rap stuff if I remember rightly?

It's not my style and I struggle to flow through these in my head, so what I have to say may not apply at all. You may find these tripping out easily to whatever beat is driving it. So ignore the following if it doesn't make sense and put it down to the ramblings of an old man

For me, some of the lines don't quite scan. I would find it easier to deliver with numbers of syllables that match the beat... and the beat seems to vary quite a lot.

Take this line..

Theres a few of those amendments that I have intentionally passed
I ignored them when I heard them cause I knew they wouldn't last

I would find it easier to say..

Theres a few of those amendments I intentionally passed
I ignored them when I heard them 'cause I knew they wouldn't last

or even..

Theres a few of those amendments I've intentionally passed
I ignored them when I heard them cause I knew they wouldn't last

Small changes.

Another example:

The second ammendment says I have the right to bear an arm
But the 5th states only if I can do it without any harm

.. the second line is one I find hard to make fit. Hopefully you can see what I mean.

By the way, I'm not an American but I thought the "5th" was the right not to incriminate oneself?

Hehe, I can't resist .. "the second says that I can pack a 38, and the 5th gives me the right not to self-incriminate".

Good luck!

 

[Re-Lapse]

You do rap stuff if I remember rightly?

It's not my style and I struggle to flow through these in my head, so what I have to say may not apply at all. You may find these tripping out easily to whatever beat is driving it. So ignore the following if it doesn't make sense and put it down to the ramblings of an old man

For me, some of the lines don't quite scan. I would find it easier to deliver with numbers of syllables that match the beat... and the beat seems to vary quite a lot.

Take this line..

Theres a few of those amendments that I have intentionally passed
I ignored them when I heard them cause I knew they wouldn't last

I would find it easier to say..

Theres a few of those amendments I intentionally passed
I ignored them when I heard them 'cause I knew they wouldn't last

or even..

Theres a few of those amendments I've intentionally passed
I ignored them when I heard them cause I knew they wouldn't last

Small changes.

Another example:

The second ammendment says I have the right to bear an arm
But the 5th states only if I can do it without any harm

.. the second line is one I find hard to make fit. Hopefully you can see what I mean.

By the way, I'm not an American but I thought the "5th" was the right not to incriminate oneself?

Hehe, I can't resist .. "the second says that I can pack a 38, and the 5th gives me the right not to self-incriminate".

Good luck!

Thanks, I appreciate the assistance. The reason most of those lines are like that, is because the way it is spoken to the beat, it fits when I do it.

I will look into it, though. Thanks again!

--Re-Lapse

 

[Nightfire]

With rap its very hard to give you any advice on structure etc.
What was your motivation or inspiration behind this song?


Mike

 

[Re-Lapse]

With rap its very hard to give you any advice on structure etc.
What was your motivation or inspiration behind this song?


Mike

Well, Noddy, has a school project, that he has to have done by next Friday, so he wanted to do a hiphop song about Constitutional rights, and what not. So I picked the Amendments, and went through them the best I could in story/rhyme.

--Re-Lapse

 

[chazba]

How cool that freedom of speech extends even to those too stupid and inarticulate to string together a coherent thought.



chazba

 

[Re-Lapse]

How cool that freedom of speech extends even to those too stupid and inarticulate to string together a coherent thought.



chazba

--Re-Lapse

 

[danny.guitar]

How cool that freedom of speech extends even to those too stupid and inarticulate to string together a coherent thought.



chazba

I could say something, but it's much easier to just say you're a fuckin douchebag.

Anyway, I think the lyrics are good. I'm not a rap fan but I think you did a good job.

 

[Re-Lapse]

I could say something, but it's much easier to just say you're a fuckin douchebag.

Anyway, I think the lyrics are good. I'm not a rap fan but I think you did a good job.

Thanks Danny, much appreciation.

--Re-Lapse

P.S. - I agree to your first statement.