Rate mah skill!! I've been writin' beats for a while..But is it worth ur while??

[Slicksta]

Heres my newest flo, in the making!

Mah fuckah' (excuse the lango)

(Intro)
"Its like every day, i just cant progress, theres so much stress on mah chest, n no time to rest, takin life as a test, n preachin whats best, i suggest never a mess,im just tryin to invest."

(Pre-Verse1)
Eh yoh everybody take a look at me, tha best NL mc in historie, gonna B slangin' out tha flo, on tha lock from tha lock, i spit tha pro flo, n peeps sworm in by da flock, it aint a shock, that i rock a beat, get u out yoh seat, i aint blazin, im on fire, n ur feelin the heat, but up to tha o, wit tha flo, N peeps to felt, their defeat
n had every mothah fucka, jumpin off of they feet.

(verse 1)
U see, i don really care whut people think a bout me,
easy enuf to get a long wit, n glee, as can be,
i aint go no plee, it just easy,
these raps just keep me, so breezy,
alwyas statin tha fact in tact n be neva cheezy,
rathah snort up yoh nose, instead of do a freezie,
U just tease me, but ah got mah girl, tah please me,
fo free, u see, an always as good, as can be,
Its slicksta mah fuckah, n im always quick wit tha flow,
switch tha tempo, to diss flo, pro, tah get it on tha go,

(verse 2)
common' girl take it down low
shake yah booty,cuttie, straight down to tha flo,
cuz i neva seen a girl, that'll bring a room, to a silence,
she steps into tha club, u kno there's, gon be violence,
but hence, tha fact, u gota me, to ur defence
so whoeva step UP, aint got no common sense,
dont get meh wrong, i luv it, 2 b up in tha bar,
u kno fo sho, on tha flo, n gon party hard,
but witnessin' ah ma fuckah, to kiss mah girl in tha face,
then i gon' beat this ma fuckah all ova tha place,
Cuz there aint one chance, 2 oh 3 to tha foh,
It just gon be one smack, 2 B lay u out, on tha flo,
den it's GON B 2, ah 3 to tha foh,
n peeps draggin me off em, cuz im outta control,
n even while they draggin, still i just cant stop,
common, get em to 2 his feet, so once mo he can drop,
n his head pop, its top, n start pourin out red,
thats what i said, n now, he's fuckin braindead,
wit someone to wipe his ass, n b gettin em outta tha bed,
So every Next day of es life'll, be a one that he dread,
wit constant vision of ME,locked up n es head,
n croak, bcuz he choke, on his last meal he fed,

(Chorus)
Sorry er body i dont dun mean don mean 2 b rude,
But peeps up in mah biz,changes mah attitude,
n see really, dun get meh, in tha best of a mood,
so yoh best bet is, not tah fuck wit me dude
cuz one thing that is known everywhere that i go,
tha hydro, i blo, cant keep me undah control,
so the only real point, that i have to intend,
is a true friend tah meh, is a true friend to tha end,

Think everybody, really '"litsen" to this, theres no twist, i insist, fo u, not to resist, ova tha fact that im pissed..
ova sum little bitch, the fact i even let get to meh makes mah skin itch.

(outro)
so do u understand, why in this rap i invest,
i'm not tha best , n dont need any vest on mah chest,
Why do i sound this good, i guess im lyrically blessed,
So enough wit all this stress, n takin life as a test,
Cuz fo once in this in this life,i can smell sucess,
n it really does feel good, I have to confess,
so if u really gotta a fuckin problem wit me,
that im the best in Newfoundland thurwill ever be,
then i think it bout time u gget out mah way,
cuz now im in dis rap game n im here to stay,


So tell me what you think?

Slicksta

 

[Emusic]

Sorry, but I gave up midfield. The language is a tad too odd on my end - I might have gone too old.
I have great respect for some of 2pacs lyrics works. Read them? Changes must be my fav.. That brings a message.
For me - your text is too selfsentrated and just too wannabe-testosterone. At least the first part of it.
Well you asked for a comment, so I gave it a shot. Just consider this - I´m an old man. I still like some hiphop/rap though.
Post it with a beat and a recording?

Edit: read it all, and my feedback applies for the last part too

 

[Track Rat]

Nubs?? Is that you??

 

[valuehorse]

work on yah rhymez, boiy.

if you've been doing it for a while you've probably come across multi-syllable rhyming techniques. as much as people love to hate marshall mathers, he has a very good technique even though he might not be very "cool". i noticed that most, if not all, of your rhymes are only one or two syllables. that style is VERY old school, but hey, maybe that's what your into.

for example, nation rhymes with sanitation by only 2 syllables. just the "a-shin" part. a more enhanced version of the "a-shin" rhyme would be:

my head is achin', i'm dedicated to medication

notice that 'head is achin' and 'medication' rhyme by four syllables. just for a more interesting delivery.

remember, rap is art.

 

[Physical Ill]

Never be afraid to rap about anything, and did you write that to a beat, or just freely? It just seems like there are a lot of words in there, but not much flow...