Quiet Time

[up-fiddler]

Here are the lyrics and first draft of my latest. Suggestions are always appreciated. Right now it has a strange chord structure but that may change several times yet. (So might the lyrics!) Thanks in advance for your suggestions.

Quiet Times
c.2006 Dave Morehouse

On a bench
My hands are clenched
I don’t have the nerve to speak.

So I sit
And wait a bit
Just to see if you walk by again.

I know that it’s over long before we start.
I’ll never get to know her. What’s there in her heart? (For me?)

Popcorn and pigeons
I’m blindly wishin’
Those birds don’t have a clue.

My reservation’s
Well known across the nation
I never know just what to do.

Seems like talking is just like walkin in cement.
For me to find someone they must be Heaven-sent.

And so I’ll wait
Until the Gates
Can send someone at night.

And there you’ll be
You’ll talk like me
And we’ll share a quiet time.

We won’t need to hurry we can take the rest of our lives.
And neither one of us will know how to say goodbye.

And there you’ll be
You’ll talk like me
And we’ll share a quiet time.

 

[andyhix]

Here are the lyrics and first draft of my latest. Suggestions are always appreciated. Right now it has a strange chord structure but that may change several times yet. (So might the lyrics!) Thanks in advance for your suggestions.

Quiet Times
c.2006 Dave Morehouse

On a bench
My hands are clenched
I don’t have the nerve to speak.

So I sit
And wait a bit
Just to see if you walk by again.

I know that it’s over long before we start.
I’ll never get to know her. What’s there in her heart? (For me?)

Popcorn and pigeons
I’m blindly wishin’
Those birds don’t have a clue.

My reservation’s
Well known across the nation
I never know just what to do.

Seems like talking is just like walkin in cement.
For me to find someone they must be Heaven-sent.

And so I’ll wait
Until the Gates
Can send someone at night.

And there you’ll be
You’ll talk like me
And we’ll share a quiet time.

We won’t need to hurry we can take the rest of our lives.
And neither one of us will know how to say goodbye.

And there you’ll be
You’ll talk like me
And we’ll share a quiet time.

I think it's a good start. Generally one pet peave of mine is songs that jump from "she/her" to "you." Sometimes it's done intentionally, other times out of pure oversight. I like the popcorn and pigeons line a lot, and personally don't care for this part as much:

For me to find someone they must be Heaven-sent.

And so I’ll wait
Until the Gates
Can send someone at night.

Sounds a bit like the rhyme is forced a bit, at the expense of the natural flow to the song. just my opinion, though. Keep on it!

 

[up-fiddler]

Rewriting this weekend

and I could still use a few thoughts/suggestions. Thanks, fiddler.