Pontoon Madness

  • Thread starter Thread starter queepy
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queepy

queepy

aka Variaxman
Wrote this one while on vacation..posted the lyrics oer in "Songwriting" forum, and worked on trimming them down into something that would fit into the music...here is my 1st attempt at the vocals...cadence rhythm on the singing is still a bit rough as I am not quite sure how to sing it...
Wondering mix wise if the drums are to loud as well as the over all high end...seems to me the cymbals are a bit sizzling...
Streaming link:
http://www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?id=8068463&q=hi

And the lyrics:
PONTOON MADNESS

Dixon Lake was a calm steel grey
As 14 blue hairs set sail that day
on a twin hulled boat named the “Old Sea Hag”

Wheezing and puffing they boarded the craft
The captain shouted "fat asses to aft!"
With a sputter and cough, the engine roared to life

A couple of fishermen rowed frantically
Kept pace for awhile, then faded slowly
A kid in a canoe took the bait, and raced out ahead

A glint in his eye, the captain shouted to his guest
“We gots us a live one, put on dem dere vest!”
Smoke em’ if ya gots em, I aint loisin’ to this punk!

I. THE RACE IS ON!
Fedoras and Babushkas flew into the wake
an old lady screamed “Slow down for goodness sake!”
I just got my hair done, Harold get me off of this tub!
Musical interlude I
II. HARRY’S DEMISE
Ol’ Harold cackled “to the bow Marigold!”
With his arms raised he screamed “I’m the king of the world!!”
Then with a final gasp he jumped over the edge and was gone
Musical interlude II
III.CAPTAINS LAMENT
Now the engine was smoking and belching forth stench
The Captain sighed “I forgot me damned wrench!”
With a look of pained sadness, and a heart felt sigh
He eased back the throttle and let the canoe zip on by
Musical interlude III

Wigs were now straightened and teeth put back in place
with a one finger salute the canoe picked up the pace
and the Old Sea Hag was left to flounder in its wake

Another pontoon put back in its place
And to this day Pontoons get no respect on Dixon lake
As 13 blue hairs, will surely attest…..
 
Last edited:
Dude, seriously, that was freaking awesome. What a dementedly fun and wacky song. Loved every second of it. :)

Drum level seems fine to me. Everything seems good. The vocals could be a little louder/cleaner during the slow parts.

but I gotta ask: How the fuck does a guy in a canoe beat a powerboat in a race? :confused: :D
 
Greg_L said:
Dude, seriously, that was freaking awesome. What a dementedly fun and wacky song. Loved every second of it. :)

Drum level seems fine to me. Everything seems good. The vocals could be a little louder/cleaner during the slow parts.

but I gotta ask: How the fuck does a guy in a canoe beat a powerboat in a race? :confused: :D
Click to expand...

Cool...glad ya liked it Greg....My family and I were on vacation at a cottage in northern Michigan on this little lake that had lots of boats/water skiers during the day....everyday around dinner, the pontoons would come out filled with old people and chug around and around the lake...one pontoon in particular would always go real slow, and this kid in the cottage next to us, decided to race him one time when he chugged by...he actually kept up with him a little, until the old guy on the pontoon gunned it a little , and all the old people squealed like crazy:p...pretty stupid story that you would probably have to be there to appreciate, but it did trigger my imagination for the song....
 
Whoa! That was a kickass tune Queepy! Great synthe effects and very original. I think you are the new Sid Barrett of the new millenium.......Congrats:D
 
Yes, that was very cool. A great musical and lyrical journey. Everything's right on.
 
queepy said:
Cool...glad ya liked it Greg....My family and I were on vacation at a cottage in northern Michigan on this little lake that had lots of boats/water skiers during the day....everyday around dinner, the pontoons would come out filled with old people and chug around and around the lake...one pontoon in particular would always go real slow, and this kid in the cottage next to us, decided to race him one time when he chugged by...he actually kept up with him a little, until the old guy on the pontoon gunned it a little , and all the old people squealed like crazy:p...pretty stupid story that you would probably have to be there to appreciate, but it did trigger my imagination for the song....
Click to expand...

I can imagine it. Sounds hilarious. :D
 
That was a productive trip, no? Great song! I'm wanting to hear less dynamic drop-off on the nose-dive-squealing effect, but it's great as is, too.

Sid Barrett meets Alice Cooper :D
 
I was totally surprised with the whole feel of the song, once set to music. Not to detract from the kudos already given - just my first impression. The mix seems pretty right on, thought the vocals could be a bit more in front, for me. I still felt like there were too many words for the phrasing, so I'm just gonna copy your lyrics, below, and edit while I listen. It's a good story, and it moves along with the music. I just think you can use less words to create more imagery between music & lyrics. It's just my take, Queepy, and it's worth about as much as you pay for it! (My grandma used to tell me that all the time, when she spent time at my house!)

Dixon Lake, a calm steel grey;
Fourteen blue hairs sailed that day.
A twin-hulled boat, named “Old Sea Hag.”

Wheezing, and puffing, they boarded the craft.
The captain shouted, "Fat asses to aft!"
A sputter and a cough, the engine roared to life.

Nearby fish-men rowed frantic'ly,
Kept pace a while, then faded slowly.
A kid & canoe took the bait, Raced out ahead.

A glint in his eye, Captain shouted to his guest
“We gots us a live one, don yer vest!”
Smoke 'em if ya can. I ain't losin’ to this punk!

I. THE RACE IS ON!
Fedoras and Babushkas flew into the wake
Old Lady screamed, “Slow down! Goodness sake!
I just got my hair done, Harold get me off this tub!"

Musical interlude I

II. HARRY’S DEMISE
Ol’ Harold cackled, “To the bow, Marigold!”
His arms raised, screaming, “I’m the king of the world!!”
With a final gasp, he jumped, splash, he was gone.

Musical interlude II

III.CAPTAINS LAMENT
The engine, smoking; belched forth stench.
Captain sighed “I forgot me damned wrench!”
A look of pained sadness, a heart felt sigh,
He eased back the throttle. Canoe zipped by.

Musical interlude III

Wigs were straightened, teeth put back in place.
Single-fingered salute. Canoe picked up its pace.
"Old Sea Hag" left, floundering, in its wake.

Another pontoon put back in its place,
Pontoons get no respect out on Dixon Lake.
As 13 blue hairs, will surely attest…..
 
Anfontan Whoa! That was a kickass tune Queepy! Great synthe effects and very original. I think you are the new Sid Barrett of the new millenium.......Congrats
Click to expand...

Hey, thanks a lot man...love syd era Floyd so that's way cool!


RAMI Yes, that was very cool. A great musical and lyrical journey. Everything's right on.
Click to expand...

Thanks a lot Rami, appreciate the listen and comments!

antichef That was a productive trip, no? Great song! I'm wanting to hear less dynamic drop-off on the nose-dive-squealing effect, but it's great as is, too.
Sid Barrett meets Alice Cooper
Click to expand...


Alice Cooper...another one of my favs! That's really cool you get that vibe! Are you talking about the transition out of the more rocking part back into the slow dirge like ending? I wanted to make the 2 parts really contrast and jarring to the listener...but maybe I need to smooth it out a little bit?
Thanks for listening!

lifelyrics I was totally surprised with the whole feel of the song, once set to music. Not to detract from the kudos already given - just my first impression. The mix seems pretty right on, thought the vocals could be a bit more in front, for me. I still felt like there were too many words for the phrasing, so I'm just gonna copy your lyrics, below, and edit while I listen. It's a good story, and it moves along with the music. I just think you can use less words to create more imagery between music & lyrics. It's just my take, Queepy, and it's worth about as much as you pay for it! (My grandma used to tell me that all the time, when she spent time at my house!)
Click to expand...

yeah, I'm a wordy, rambling sort when it comes to lyrics :p..working on getting my point across more efficiently...I like some of the changes you suggested...going to re track the vocal now that I have a better feel for how I want it to sound...will be trimming a bit more of the wordiness:D
Thanks for your feedback, appreciate your thoughts!!
 
Whoa!! That is freakin' cool man :D!

This may be my favorite of your tunes so far. Very original and unexpected. Syd is a good comparison here I think. Love the whole structure of the song, but my favorite sections are the slower ones at the beginning with the warbling synth and the heavy atmosphere.

I agree that you could maybe shorten some of the phrasing a bit, but it still all fits in the end. What is that voice off to the right just before you sa "Wheezing"? I listened to that section a few times but couldn't make it out...it is very quick, almost like a cough?

I was listening on phones this time and all sounds good here. Excellent.
 
Fantastic....this is where music becomes a sinister art.:cool:
The performance is top-notch and the mix sounds really professional. I just love the way you panned the different elements and their depth. Well done Queep, 10+ for another great cool song!

Joey :):):):)
 
heatmiser said:
Whoa!! That is freakin' cool man :D!

This may be my favorite of your tunes so far. Very original and unexpected. Syd is a good comparison here I think. Love the whole structure of the song, but my favorite sections are the slower ones at the beginning with the warbling synth and the heavy atmosphere.
I agree that you could maybe shorten some of the phrasing a bit, but it still all fits in the end. What is that voice off to the right just before you sa "Wheezing"? I listened to that section a few times but couldn't make it out...it is very quick, almost like a cough?
I was listening on phones this time and all sounds good here. Excellent.
Click to expand...

Thanks HM! I kinda like the synths on this as well...they definetly set the mood for the beginning and end of the song....not sure about a voice off to the right? I only did 1 vocal track....maybe I'm picking up some EVP's? :p...going to retrack that vocal...i think i can do it better...also think the Lead guitar, especially the wah part, can be a tad louder(of course :p)


joeym Fantastic....this is where music becomes a sinister art.
The performance is top-notch and the mix sounds really professional. I just love the way you panned the different elements and their depth. Well done Queep, 10+ for another great cool song!
Joey
Click to expand...

Thanks Joey...I can see how addicting it can be to use keys/synths! I just dont evreything to get to soft and fluffy....Thanks for listening, glad ya dug it!!
 
Whoa, file under WTF!

(In a good way)

Very imaginative and entertaining.

Matt
 
I thought the vocals sounded fine the first time around...what were you trying to improve upon? This sounds fine too, don't get me wrong.

I don't hear that phantom sound anymore...must've been an auditory hallucination:eek:.

It's fun to follow along with the lyrics while listening...quite a tale:)!
 
Great job Queepy - the slow followed by the rocking give it a real cool vibe. Love the guitars (rhythms and leads). Oh the pain of growing old - you remind me why I want to stay young forever. :cool::):cool:
 
HAHAHAHAH! What fun!!! Like Pink Floyd sharing a Halloween co-bill with the Sex Pistols.

Ever see the movie One Crazy Summer? Those who have know exactly the images running throug my head as I listened...

My only nit on the mix is the vox don't sit well, they are a little big for the rest. The music bed is well blended and appropriately, uh, maritime. :)
 
heatmiser I thought the vocals sounded fine the first time around...what were you trying to improve upon? This sounds fine too, don't et me wrong.
I don't hear that phantom sound anymore...must've been an auditory hallucination.
It's fun to follow along with the lyrics while listening...quite a tale!
Click to expand...

I guess I thought I could get the delivery a little more smooth....just seems like I'm struggling to get the words out.....I think I'm gonna take 1 more pass...also want to add a stanza at the end instead of repeating the last verse twice....

ido1957 Great job Queepy - the slow followed by the rocking give it a real cool vibe. Love the guitars (rhythms and leads). Oh the pain of growing old - you remind me why I want to stay young forever.
Click to expand...


Thanks idol! I have a ton of fun with my hobby , and just hope it shows when people listen to my songs :D......Plus I'm a strong advocate of the Peter Pan syndrome:p.....your as old as you feel and act....

Llarion HAHAHAHAH! What fun!!! Like Pink Floyd sharing a Halloween co-bill with the Sex Pistols.
Ever see the movie One Crazy Summer? Those who have know exactly the images running throug my head as I listened...
My only nit on the mix is the vox don't sit well, they are a little big for the rest. The music bed is well blended and appropriately, uh, maritime.
Click to expand...

Cool man, love the comparison.....never saw that fiilm, just googled it...interesting cast, and looks funny, have to check it out.. Really agree about the vocals, I have been overcompensating for my past tendancies to bury them in effects and low levels since I know I cant sing that great....trying to have a wtk, who cares attitude about vocals and letting em' rip...they is what they is:p...just whent a bit to far in this case...will reign em' in when I retrack....thanks for listening and the feedback,appreciate it greatly!!
 
GOOD, good, good!
Queepy does it again.
I agree with LLyrics re phrasing - it's rushed in places BUT that pacing suits the performance anxiety nature of the story.
Another musical adventure - & this time involving the Blue Rinse set (down under we used to joke that those old ladies would hobble up to bar to order a pony of beer (7oz glass) & a Blue Rinse - in part a laugh at the little drinks, the popularity of Curacao & lemonade AND the popularity of such bizarre rinse colours after the hair has whitened.) I don't make those jokes any longer as I'm old & decrepid too!
 
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