Original Song- Future (looking for feedback) :)

A

AaronChapman

New member
This is a song I wrote a while back, I'm seeking some feedback and some insight to what needs to be improved.
Here's the lyrics:

If I dare to fly away,
Grab my hand,
I'll lift your weight.
Together we'll escape the day.
If you are enthralled
By the siren's call,
Listen to my music;
The curtain calls.
Don't be so small.
Don't be so small.
If you feel left behind,
Stay by my side
There's a future to find.
And If I'm gone,
When failure calls,
Follow my string.
I'll Show you the way.
You're stranded
In the echo of time.
Don't you cry,
I'll give you a free ride.
Stay by my side,
There's a future to find.

https://soundcloud.com/aaron-chap/futuredemo
 
Mix is good - guitar / vocals levels are good. There a few spot where the chords and the melody line doesn't quite jive. Maybe take a look at that but that's all I have. :D
 
I like it man. Your phrasing and pronunciation is interesting in some parts. May I ask where are you from?
Was there some kind of slap back echo or double-track on the vocals? My ear would prefer it less affected.

Best
Brian
 
Thanks for the feedback ido1957 and Brian. Ido1957, I believe there are some chord changes at the beginning I should address. I'll see if I can come up with something that will sound better. I'm glad you like it Brian; I'm from Ontario, Canada. Yes, I think I did apply some delay when mixing. There was only one track for this song since I'm rather limited with recording gear. The voice and the guitar were recording simultaneously through the zoomh4n. Hopefuly, I can get some mics in the future. Thanks for listening. I'll try to see if I can reduce the echo problem.
 
I like the song. I like the sound of the guitar.

I'm not convinced by the sound of the vocals.

I would prefer to hear it with a bit more bit. Maybe take some of the lower mids out and ditch most of the effects. Your voice is good enough to carry the song with out disguising it.
 
i can see the nick drake influence again, aaron.

the song is pretty good but there's no real release or buildup it's mostly the same throughout. even nick had some lines that would release or build tension, though he rarely used choruses. i'd say work on that since the rest of the performance is good. the mix could use some work but some of that is recording too hot and/or limiting it too much (i'm not sure which, but it has that overloaded sound), which is easily fixed.
 
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